Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Work Gripes

I am back up and running! Well. I am still weak as a kitten, but can now cough with confidence. I am at work, anyway, which implies a certain level of health - in celebration of Cup Day today our office is holding an abomination called, "Project Happy Hat." You are meant to make/wear/bring/SPORT a hat. Presumably this is meant to make you happy? I was intending to make a hat at some point but did not follow through on this as I was too busy following through on burps. (Gross.) So everyone is glaring at me and my lack of team spirit - I have mollified them somewhat by popping out to get chips and dip for morning tea, but my lack of interest in Project Happy Hat has turned me into a Bad Hat.

As well as PHH (that noise is exactly how I feel about making and wearing a Happy Hat) I have to attend a seminar on OOS, or "How not to sit at your desk." Did you know that unless your desk is parallel to your thighs, which are parallel to your forearms, which are parallel to your monitor, which is parallel to the MOON, your carpal tunnels will solidify and all of your fingers will fall off, in the middle of an important meeting with a client? No, neither did I. Why would you want to be sitting at your desk making money when you could be sitting in a seminar learning about the perfect desk-to-chair ratio? However, I intend to make the most of the seminar by asking interesting questions like "If I get RSI from masturbating am I eligible for compensation, provided the masturbation takes place at work?" and "Should I be shifting regularly from buttock to buttock? Because I am," and "Couldn't this have been covered in a memo?"

(Apologies to any dear readers - and there is at least one of them - who spends their days perfecting software designed to prevent RSI and OOS and PHH. I know, I know, I'm like one of those people who say global warming is bollocks, and one day the OOS will get me, and my fingers will fall off, right in the middle of an important client meeting. And then you can say, I told you so.)

Also, I will get around to telling you about the wedding soon.

(I just accidentally snapped at colleague who asked me where my Happy Hat was. I GUESS WITH ALL THE VOMITING THERE HAS BEEN LITTLE TIME FOR MILLINERY.)

4 comments:

Josh said...

FIRST!!!

otherworldlyone said...

So you think it's alright to masturbate at work then? That's one vote. Time to convert the rest.

Baglady said...

Cough with confidence? Are you wearing your Tena Lady?

wv= chery. What you pop if you masturbate at work without your right hand

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