"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."
Please ignore that part about delivering the award to 8 bloggers etc etc, because a) I don't know that many bloggers and b) even if I did I'd be far too lazy I mean shy to link all their blogs on here. Instead, in celebration, I have decided to post a picture of someone who has had Hello Kitty tattooed on their arse! Image from kittyhell.com.
"Fuck yeah."Perhaps I should launch my own blog award - the Hello Kitty ArseTat Award. For any blogs out there which are bizarre and slightly offensive, and yet somehow strangely awesome.
On reflection, I'm pretty sure this doesn't need to be limited to the internet; the term "HK Arsetat" could become this year's 'chillax.' (Only better.)
Possible Real-Life Applications of 'HKArsetat'
Me: "I read on the Internet about this guy who could lift 20 kilos with his penis."
You: "Wow...wow. I don't know if that's impressive or retarded."
Me: "I know...HKArsetat, right?"
You: "Oh my God! Look at that guy, he is so cute!"
Me: "I wouldn't say...cute, exactly. He's kind of..."
You: "Gorgeous?"
Me: "...HKArsetat."
On second thoughts, it may not catch on as well as I'd hoped. But, you know, next time you see something impressive yet retarded, consider using HKArsetat. It's...well, you know.
Anyway, now for some actual news: I quit my horrid job! Yesterday! Was sitting at my desk all morning, thinking about how much I hated it ("Mrs Button, please?"), and fantasising about quitting at morning tea time, when suddenly I realised that there was actually nothing stopping me from doing just that. So I hopped onto Google chat and said to Andrea, "I hate my job and want to quit!" Andrea, who is always a good influence, said, "Yes, do! Will be Awesome." And so I did, and it was! For anyone who's never walked out of a job they really hate partway through the day and completely without regret, I totally recommend it. Especially if your last act within the walls of your building is to wave cheerily at your now-ex-workmates and bum a cigarette off your (obnoxious) now-ex-boss.
CC came over all shy and said that if I stayed he'd stop throwing paper planes at me - amazingly, I left despite this. I have escaped! I mean resigned. So yes! Am now cheerfully unemployed once more. Looking for a job, of course, but this time I'm going to get one which doesn't make me hate myself and everyone around me. Mind you, I did learn some interesting things about a) being unprofessional and b) last names you wouldn't wish on anyone (Death, Goldsack, Wiggle, Balls, Lepper).
In honour of my now-ex-job, here are (in no particular order (don't know why I still say that, my lists are never in any particular order)) my Five Favourite Telemarketing Moments.
1. Best Brush-off Ever
Me: "Good morning, this is Ally calling from Telemarketing Company. How're you?"
Man: "Fine, but also not interested! Bye!" *click*
Close second: the Asian woman who asked, very hesitantly, "...can I leave?"
2. Best Case of Mistaken Identity Ever
CC, on phone: "I'm Chris, what's your first name? Dickie? *pause* Oh...oh...Vicky."
Close second to the woman who, obviously expecting a call, answered the phone with, "Hi, David! How are you?" (My response: "Good! But not David.")
3. Best Insult (to Customer) Ever
There's a tie here, between Chris's "What do you mean you can't speak English? You were speaking it before!" and my conversation, below:
Me: "Mr Wallis, please."
Mr Wallis: "Some people call me that."
Me, cheerily and without any thought: "I don't even want to know what the rest call you!"
Best Cheesy Telemarketer Phrase Ever
Me: "Hi, it's Ally calling from a Telemarketing Company. We're currently looking for lovely people who'd like to go on a fantastic holiday beyond your wildest dreams, at prices lower than you've ever dreamed of, and we were wondering if perhaps you might be one of those people!"
Close second: Chris, with "Get away on a truly fantastic resort holiday at an absolutely ridiculously low price!"
Honorable mentions:
"Come on, Mr Cooper, I know you want to do this!" - Gabrielle, three times during one call
"You sound like a lovely lady..." - Chris, to every female customer
5. Best Phrase Ever
"It'll only take a minute. Just hang up if you get bored."
