Four Exciting Things and Three Grumbles

Four Exciting Things

1. My impossibly coloured friend Andrea – wow. I’ve used that phrase several times before and never realised quite how racist it sounds until right now. I’m sorry! It’s based on her blog title, put your pitchfork away. Anyway, that’s not the exciting thing (although I suppose accidental racism is mildly exciting on a slow news day) – the exciting thing is that my impossibly (flesh)coloured friend Andrea has given me a blog award! (Which she will probably now take back.)
Still, I’m excited as have never been given a blog award before! Am going to put it up on my blog as soon as I figure out how to. Thank you, Andrelles! I am finally famous on the Internet.

2. I am visiting Christchurch this weekend – this means I get to see my family, and Andrea, and many other people beside. My plan for the weekend goes like this (I don’t care if you’re not excited, I am). Friday night – arrive at Chch airport, slightly giddy with excitement and pre-boarding call wine. Taxi home and bypass embrace of mother and sister for embrace of fridge (family always have goodies that I never buy for myself). Run around being excited. Go to bed. Saturday morning – Go Christmas shopping with my sister and a couple of my cousins. Begin in very high spirits, and then gradually become annoyed with mall, sister and cousins. Quite possibly end up going home on the bus by myself, laden with bags full of presents, most of which will be for myself. Saturday afternoon – go to Andrea’s for clothes swap party! Feel inadequate at lack of beautiful things to swap, but make up for this by claiming as many nice things as possible. Hang out with Andrea, drink coffee. Saturday night – not sure yet, but it will probably involve drinking and being merry. But not too merry, because on Sunday morning I am going to have brunch with my mother and grandmother. My grandmother will ask a) what I am doing with my life, b) why I am not a published writer yet, c) how band is going and d) what I am doing for Christmas. Then she will be very disappointed in me (because answers are as follows – a) exactly the same as the last time we spoke; b) because I am too lazy, c) I quit band and d) I am not coming home for Christmas) and go on at length about my wasted potential. I will become annoyed, and quite possibly end up going home on the bus by myself. Sunday afternoon – hopefully hang out with Andrea again, complain about grandmother and unfairness of not being able to shout at old people. (I do love my grandmother very much, but she is such a shameless guilt tripper.) Sunday night – go camping with my sister! I’m ridiculously excited about this, despite the fact that I hate nature and can’t work a BBQ. Monday – arse about enjoying day off not working when everyone else is. Go to pub quiz in the evening and do my pub quiz trick (convincing everyone else in my team that their unanimously-agreed-on answer of 'saxophone' is wrong and that actually everyone knows it was the trombone that Adolph Sax invented, then being proven incorrect and ostracised). Tuesday morning – fly home. Go to work. Sulk.

3. Am getting haircut on Thursday! Hair is currently shoulder length and about three shades off black, but come Thursday night it will be in a blonde pixie cut, quite possibly spiked into a little fauxhawk, and various shades of blonde. I used to have a pixie cut about a year ago, and I miss it. This Exciting Thing has a bonus layer of excitement as hair appointment is at 4.30, so I get to skive off work early. (Will say it is a doctor’s appointment.) Told my (younger, Christchurch) sister Kate about this, and she said, “No, you can’t! Long hair is sexy and vibrant! Short hair isn’t. Short hair says, ‘I am trying to be edgy.’” I said, “I do not want to be sexy and vibrant, I want a hairstyle that actually suits me.” Kate: “But men don’t like short hair on women.” …wait, what? Kate used to be an irritatingly devoted feminist (“I’ll never change myself for a man!” “I don’t understand women who sit around at home waiting for their men!” etc.). Then she turned 16, met Horrid Boyfriend, and turned into exactly the sort of little women she used to hate. Huh. Love is weird. (Also irrelevant to haircut.)

4. My job is sales-based, and on top of our salary we get a commission bonus every six months. Mine gets paid tomorrow and it is pretty freakin’ hefty. (Hence impromptu trip to Chch and visit to stupidly expensive hair salon.) I am going to party like a rock star. And then wonder three months later, when all the money is gone, why on earth I didn’t do something sensible with it.


and now, in the interests of symmetry -

Four Grumbles

1. I’m sickish at the moment and have a cough, and from time to time people say things like “Can you stop coughing? It’s really annoying.” “Yeah, I know – painful, too! Oh. Oh, you mean for you. Yeah, that must suck.” I do appreciate that it’s irritating but there’s really nothing I can do about it. (“Can you get some cough medicine or something?” “Sure, but cough medicine makes me vomit. Is that going to be more or less annoying for you, bearing in mind that I will be vomiting in your direction?”)

2. In my ‘pod’ at work (I am still deciding if I am a whale or a pea – given the amount of bagels I have consumed recently I’m leaning towards whale) we have a system where everyone puts in money for coffee, and we buy a thing of coffee, and then every morning a plunger is made, and we all drink the coffee. Doesn’t sound grumble-worthy, does it? Well, the guy who makes the coffee makes it far too strong. I like strong coffee, but we’re talking unbearably bitter here – he just keeps pouring coffee into the plunger. Not only does it render it far less enjoyable, it means we go through coffee about twice as fast as we should, which I resent because I put in money for coffee. Have tried mentioning it and occasionally making the coffee myself, but he just bitches and adds more coffee to the plunger after my initial efforts. Humph.

3. The fax room smells like something has died in it.

4. I am concerned that impending short haircut will highlight chubby face. This is not a new worry, but I did need a fourth grumble and couldn’t think of anything else. Perhaps this is why men don’t like short hair? Haha.

This is ludicrous.

Warning: grossness to follow. I am oversharing.

I am sick again. If I had the energy to be mad about this, I would be. I got home at about 8.30 on Friday night not feeling 100% and thought, 'oh, I must be hungry.' (I assume most medical conditions can be fixed with food.) One snack later and I was a dedicated worshiper at the altar of the Porcelain God (the most religious I've been in some years). So after sitting with my head in the toilet for about half an hour (sorry, but I am sick and I want to share my pain by making you read about it, in all its gross detail), I went to bed. And stayed there. Sleeping. For days. (Well, a day.) Was in bed all of Saturday, sleeping on and off, waking up alternately feverish drenched in sweat, or so cold I thought I'd never manage to get warm. Was horrible.
(Although, to be fair to this vile bug (which has taken on Genghis Khan-like epic proportions in my mind) some of the incredibly vivid, borderline lucid fever dreams were a) decent fodder for novel (oh yeah, new plot, although have been too sick to write (proper write, this doesn't count) so not started on it yet) and b) highly interesting.) Am getting feverish again and starting to write in Bad Sentences.

Got up this morning about ten because felt slightly better (and also needed bathroom and shower) for a couple of hours - started feeling faint and dizzy and ill again around lunchtime and thought, 'oh, I must be hungry.' So had porridge. Nice, healthy, beloved porridge. Fixing the illness, I thought! Saving the stomach! Restoring me to full health!

And just when the Porcelain God thought I had abandoned the faith.

Not even See You Again by Miley Cyrus (I know, I know, I was listening to it by accident, it was just what was on the music channel, I couldn't be bothered getting up to change it, etc) can cheer me up. I am SICK and have written NOTHING and am generally a grouchy, foul-tempered sod. I am also hungry, but I'm pretty sure my hypothesis about the addition of food to my already temperamental stomach (i.e. back to the altar) will be correct. I should just skip a step and give the food directly to the toilet, as an offering.

You know what annoys me the most about this completely random illness? I have been detoxing all week. I have not gone out drinking. I have barely been smoking. I have been eating breakfast, and all the other recommended meals. I have been getting enough sleep. In short, I have been a total saint in comparison to my usual hedonistic, rat-arsed drunk, chain-smoking workmate-shagging meal-skipping all-nighter-pulling self. I have been so good! I have three theories about this: one) detox has thrown my body into such a state of shock that the tiniest of germlets is capable of knocking it for six; two) it is sheer bad luck (probably the correct theory) and three) body is staging a rebellion. "I want my drinking back, bitch!"

Listen. Note to body. This is not the way to go about it. Do you know how much I do not feel like drinking right now? Why don't you send me an email, or something. I guess that might be a little logistically difficult - how about this - next time I need to barf (because believe me, there will be a next time), spell out a message in that. OK?

The suckiest thing is that I have to go to WORK tomorrow. Maybe I will vomit on Musclini.

Also, just between you and me (I promise this is not spew-related) - a friend of sorts posted pictures of their Halloween party on Facebook. I looked through them in between trips to the - oh, wait, I promised not to mention that - KITCHEN and while 90% - no, make that 95% - of them were just your standard-issue, out of focus pictures obviously taken by someone in the process of falling drunkenly onto the nearest naughty nurse's knee there were a couple that I found seriously disturbing. (Actually there were lots that were pretty disturbing, but they were just your run-of-the-mill 'people who are going to wake up this morning and by morning I mean late afternoon, check Facebook, and then fall into a deep depression and well-deserved self-loathing' kinda snaps.) The disturbingest (most disturbing) photos - eww, Metallica, 'love is a four-letter word'? Have a little lyrical creativity. Sometimes music TV does not inspire me - by far the most disturbing photos were ones of an acquaintance of mine, who I normally think of in a 'oh yeah name deleted, he's an ok kinda guy, we had a big chat once when we were out drinking but I hardly ever really see/talk to him', dressed as a pirate. He makes an intensely sexy pirate. I am now never going to be able to see him again without preparing to be boarded. Gah! Stupid Halloween. Stupid pirate costume.

I think I am going to go back to bed now. Either that, or make some pasta and subdue Genghis by sheer force of will.

PS: I am sorry about all this complaining but I am bored and have nothing else to talk about.

PPS: Andrea, re: EB fixation - if you'da been there, if you'da seen it, I bet you you would have blogged the same.

Tuesday Whinge

Apologies in advance. This will be litany of complaints for reasons which I will explain later (would explain now, but they are also all complaints so would defeat the purpose).

I sometimes think Tuesdays are worse than Mondays. Mondays you sort of expect to be awful, and because of that they usually turn out to be worse in theory than in practice. Tuesdays, though, are the exact opposite. You don't see a Tuesday coming! (Well, you do, but you don't expect it to be crap.) Also, it is the Tuesday before payday (yay, payday tomorrow) and so all disposable income has long since been disposed of, which never makes for an exciting day.

Today was also frustrating as workmates irritating. I mean, yes, workmates always irritating, but today more so than most days. However, I am more irritable than normal because at the moment I can't eat or sleep. I can't eat! Or sleep! I am SO HUNGRY AND TIRED. Anything bigger than a bit of toast or a biscuit makes me barf (ha ha, barf...is an inherently funny word) and I can't sleep until about 1am, and then I sit bolt upright and wide awake, ready to face the day, at about 5.30am. And I think I have inflamed rib cartilage again, because my ribs hurt, and I keep getting all emotional and easily upset because am so tired and hungry and in pain. Also, it's very windy here and I keep hearing things and freaking out slightly (is about 12.30) which is also very out of character. Do not like being in messy emotional state.

Am going to the doctor tomorrow. Hate going to the doctor as a) doctor always makes me feel guilty about hedonistic lifestyle and b) is expensive and not good value for money and c) I cry because doctor is nice and I am sick and d) symptoms always sound so much more pathetic when explaining them to doctor, so feel have to exaggerate, but then god knows what will get prescribed! But feel a trip to the doctor is necessary.

In other news, I am wearing sparkly purple nail polish. I don't have any news besides that, because my entire day was spent trying to focus on what I was doing. Bring on the doctor, I say! And if she lectures me, I shall look at her sternly and say, "Physician, heal thyself!" Even though it may not be a very relevant thing to say.

Then I will crawl under her desk and ask if she could heal me as well now please.

Sick Day

Sick days frustrate me. Half of me is going YAY NO WORK YAY but the other half of me feels disgusting and wants to sit on the couch all day, which seems to be the plan at the moment. I hate spoiling a perfectly good day off work by feeling like crawling back to bed.

This sick day is a bit out of the ordinary - usually when I'm sick I go to work all week as per usual, getting worse by the day, in some sort of weird wartime mentality. The inevitable result of this is that I get properly sick and have to spend the weekend (and usually some of the next week as well) in bed, feeling rotten. So Monday and Tuesday this week (it is Wednesday) I felt under the weather (colleague: "You look like shit! Go home!") and woke up this morning feeling functional but still shitty, so took day off.

The downside is that I am going to have HEAPS to do tomorrow. Just thinking about it makes me tiii-red. I guess it's probably better to do 2 days' worth of work in one day, feeling 100%, than 2 days' worth of work in 2 days, feeling 40%. I think. I feel a bit guilty about not going into work because it would've been physically possible for me to go but I really have to get over that! Work will not implode without me, and I am far too busy at the moment to get sick. Do you believe me? I believe me.

Gah! Every time I flick the TV onto the music channel something by Liam Finn is playing. Think TV is cursed. Also think Liam Finn is the musical equivalent of sponge cake. Generic and in no way groundbreaking, yet people are impressed out of all proportion. Also they both annoy me with their weird textures (harmonically speaking in the case of LF (but not in the case of SC)).

Perhaps I will cook something. At the moment my list of Achievements For The Day goes 'got up, made coffee, wrote blog, will possibly have shower later' and I feel like I should add to it because I am WASTING THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY.

EDIT: I can now add to my list of achievements 'dropped half a carrot behind the fridge.' Fuck. Think will just leave it there and hope it doesn't start to smell. It will be a nice surprise for the people who next live in this house, or perhaps we will rediscover it when we move out. It will be the kitchen equivalent of leaving a $5 note in your jeans, forgetting about it, and finding it next time you wear them. A little present to yourself! A little present made of mouldy carrot. Oh dear.

In a Spot of Hot Water

I wish I was. Something's gone wrong with our water heating, and I haven't been able to have a shower since Thursday morning (it is Saturday afternoon). The power is fine. The taps and shower thingy are fine. The hot water cylinder is stone cold. Something is not right here. Am wondering if perhaps it had something to do with the fuse blowing on Wednesday night? Know very little about fuses. It's possible that when we were trying to fix the fuse we accidentally turned off the water cylinder. I think we are going to have to call the landlord so that we can continue to wash ourselves and the dishes. I hate not being able to get up in the morning and have a shower - not only do I rely on shower to wake me up and get me in a functioning mental state, I also hate the feeling of having dirty hair and worry about being stinky. I'm not stinky, but I worry that I am. Hair is greasy mess. Hate hate hate lack of hot water.

I did bake biscuits this morning, though - I woke up and in a fit of domesticity cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom and baked vanilla biscuits with jam in the middle of them. That sentence was grammatically terrible but I do not care. Am going to a party tonight - am sure it'll be fun when I get there, but right now I am feeling grotty (due to lack of shower and icky cold - learnt yesterday that Robitussin makes me vomit, then sit in a dizzy, dazed state for hours (although to be fair, it did stop me coughing)) and poor and generally disagreeable, and would rather not go. Especially as will have to straighten greasy mess of hair to within an inch of its life.

We really must call the landlord about the hot water today. Sigh.

Off Work All Week!

Am still sick. Went to the doctor today and she prodded me in sensitive places then said, "Take these and do not go back to work this week." I started to say "Wh-" and she fixed me with a beady stare and said "Not even if you make a miraculous recovery! Stay home and REST." So now I have been laid off until next week. I am going to be bored! Especially now that I have medication & won't feel so invalid. (I like the way that the noun use and the adjective use of 'invalid' tie in so nicely. it is possibly the only thing I like about being sick.) It's one thing to lie about on the couch all day feeling rotten and being stinky and constantly eating (another thing: meds have to be taken 1 hour after food and 2 hours before, so can't just constantly EAT - lame) but another thing to just be at home being BORED SHITLESS (sorry). I will know the daytime TV schedule off by heart by end of the week. I know that I spend a lot of time complaining about work and wishing for days off, but I wish for days off where I can go into town and shop, and go out to cafes for lunch, and go on the ferry to Eastbourne and go to the PUB and things like that. I don't wish for days off where I stay at home all day and get frustrated that I am confined to the couch and can't do all of the above. ARGH BLAH. Perhaps will have to do much writing.

Gosh there are some crap shows on. Gang wars on Shorty! Whatever next? Have had coconut ice (was snack, does not count as three-hours-til-next-meal antibiotic measurement) and now have bits of coconut stuck in teeth, which I am idly picking out to amuse myself in the ad breaks. Have also made cup of tangerine & orange tea, which tastes like warm orange juice but is for some reason quite satisfying.

I am bored! Was going to write little poem about coconut ice but it would've been, um, crap.

Sick Day

I am not at work because I am SICK! My glands have all swollen up and I keep being ill. No fun is being had here today (although this may change as I plan to buy some candy (which will then be thrown up again, but such is life) and watch Dr Phil and be secretly pleased that I am too sick to work). I have called work. I left a message (after first talking to myself to make sure I sounded sick - I am, I really am, but I don't want people to think I'm not. Maybe I should take a photo of my vomit and put it on Face- no, that's revolting) saying "I might be in at lunchtime, will see how I go." Have just called again and informed colleague that I will not be in at lunchtime.

Think will be in tomorrow, though - hope will be in tomorrow! Otherwise work will mount to a ridiculous level. Also I then might have to take illness seriously enough to go to the doctor, which I hope I don't have to do because a) it's expensive and b)it's a hassle and c) the doctor always guilt-trips me about my crappy lifestyle and poor diet and so on. Also I usually find that when I get there my symptoms are less dramatic than they were at home and they sound quite pathetic when reeled off. Which makes me feel like I should exaggerate, but that's ridiculous because how is the doctor meant to diagnose you properly when you're making things up? Long story short, I don't like going to the doctor and hope that tomorrow I am ALL BETTER and don't have to.

No new news...being at home all day is BORING. BORING BORING BORING BORING.

Maybe I will hobble down to the dairy. But that would mean taking off slippers and putting on shoes...or would it??

Everyone knows you get to wear slippers out of the house when you are sick (or old).

Internet At My House!

Living with my sister is great - I go to work, and when I get home she says, "oh, I got the phone connected today, and the Internet all set up on your laptop." Is great!
(flipside: txts such as "have borrowed velvet jacket, drunk all beer - sorry.")

New flat - just me and her. Bottom level of a nice old house (all high ceilings and big rooms, which means it's a bitch to heat but apart from that nothing wrong with it! Except that front door sticks a bit and shower doesn't get overly hot because hot water tank is lower than shower rose or some equally complex, plumbing-related reason: if you take the rose thing off its little hook and hold it below your knees it's nice and hot, but the top 3/4 of your body get a lukewarm shower at best), very close to the ZOO and only 35-40 minutes' walk to work, which is good. I did originally intend to get up super-early and walk to work every morning - nice as it clears my head and means I'm awake and mentally organised when I get there, as opposed to when I lived in Aro and always ran out of the house ten minutes before I needed to be at work - but I seem to have fallen into a pattern of walking for about 20 minutes then thinking 'I am sick of walking now and I am going to get the bus.'

In other news, have taken sick day - went home about lunchtime as thought might vomit. Did not want to vomit (and have not, in fact, done so), and it is a lot nicer being on the couch feeling vaguely ill and exploring potential of flaternet than it was sitting at work and taking phone calls and feeling heinously ill. Often suspect am secretly allergic to work.

Other exciting news? Band contest just recently over but am a bit sick of talking about this. Had date last week with friend of a friend who also lives near the ZOO (this was what started conversation) and has same favourite dinosaur as I do. As me? Grammar aside, we have the same favourite dinosaur (Triceratops, in case anyone's interested) but not sure if this is solid basis for relationship. Have had two dates and may very well have another one - after which I shall pick his entire character apart, list reasons we would never work to anyone who will listen, and talk myself out of entire thing. Watch this space!

No other news, really, except that flat internet means blogging likely to become more frequent. Yay!

Charatupace

...and other things I admire in my fellow musicians. >_>

I am still sick, but feel a lot better about it. Am now just vomiting in a predictably routine manner. I shall spare you the details...actually, no, I won't. I was sick in the shower today! Like a shower within a shower, if you will. It was disgusting...and once again proved that no matter what you think you've eaten, there's always a bit of carrot in there somewhere. I was sure I hadn't eaten any carrot. I think I'll go back to wellington this weekend, not next...while I could stay here longer and have a bit more money, i now have enough money to hold me til i get a job in wellington. I am also sick of Nelson. I think I have become allergic to it.

I have no news! All I have is disgusting stories about Things I Threw Up Today. I promise to do something about this.

Hideous Day Two

I am still sick. Veni, vidi, vomit.
Have started having weird flashbacks and I do not know why. Perhaps the madness has reached my BRAIN!
Perhaps not. Suspect is fever-related. Stayed in bed until three, sleeping fitfully (as they say in the best novels) and then got up for half an hour to set myself up with blanket and laptop in front of tv upstairs. Did not open laptop as fell asleep again and had to be woken up for coro st.

Nothing exciting has happened all day because all I have done is (see above.)

Am now trying to decide whether or not I need to be sick again. Think I may go back to bed soon. Think I may take another day off work tomorrow...but unsure about this as need money. Crappy money. Crappy crappy crap.

Stupid shitty sick bollocks. Have not got enough energy to be properly grumpy. Am going to bed in a resentful manner.

Oh, by the way, if you think that Cadbury Desserts lemon cheesecake chocolate tastes weird on the way down, try it coming back up! Still tastes quite a lot like lemon.