Lizst: 2

Ok I am in Nelson and here is the second list of List Week. I had tons of other things to write about (i.e. did you know Thoth was the Egyptian god of both lisps and packaged meat products ('thothages'?)) but I forgot most of them. Apart from that last one, which I probably could've left out anyway. Speaking of anyway, here is the list.

Top Five Things I Pretend to Understand, but Don't*

1. The Internet. I have kind of tried to understand this. (I think it is all a big series of connected tubes?) However, the following question comes back: where are all these web pages? Physically speaking. WHERE ARE THEY? Because I can see them! But they aren't anywhere! Or something. There is just a lot of code (where is it?) and this code makes things pop up on my computer but where is all the code? Which leads me to contemplate computers. How do they work? I have a theory that no-one actually knows, and all the people in computer/online companies are just frantically crossing their fingers and hoping the whole thing doesn't suddenly fuck out. (I know this isn't how it actually is.) I would go on more about this but thinking about it for too long makes my brain view horizons it is not used to - is like that bit in Vanilla Sky where they are upside down and the skyline is all purple and orange (did that actually happen? I was kind of drunk when I watched it) and their minds are blown and then they are in an elevator. Without the elevator.

2. Global Warming
Ok. Here is my basic understanding of Global Warming (according to various world leaders it is apparently important enough for unjustified unexpected capitalisation): every time you fart, God kills a penguin. Or melts an ice cap, or something. Unless you plant trees/buy carbon credits (which is, to the best of my knowledge, paying someone else to plant trees on your behalf.) No? No. Probably not. Ok, how about this? Think about it: what causes the most Global Warming? I have no idea. Consumerism and buying stuff! Who do people buy the most unnecessary items for? Themselves. Their children. (And other people's children and, if you are a superstar like Bono or Michael Jackson, the children of the world or something.) And why do people buy things for children?

SANTA.

That's right. Santa causes Global Warming - not just by travelling around the entire world in one night (think of the size of his carbon footprint), but by making us all buy things. The cult of St. Nicholas is killing the planet. Al Gore and I are making a documentary about this. Tell your friends.

3. The Situation in the Middle East
While I like to think I am well qualified to make pithy remarks about this/suggest possible strategies for peace, to be pretty honest I'm just pleased as punch that I know where the Middle East is. Seriously - a couple of weeks ago I was studying African countries for pub quiz purposes and I learnt that Angola is not in Europe and Mali is not in Asia because they are both in Africa. I was quite honestly surprised. Also, you know what is not in Africa? The Amazon. It's in South America. Who knew? Not me, until last week in Spanish class. (Embarrassing moment.) So, seriously, if I am talking to you about the situation in the Middle East, you can feel confident that I'm blowing air out my ass applying my General Rules of International Relations to some area that I have no idea about, except that Iran is in it (probably).

4. The Treaty of Waitangi
This is the treaty made between the indigenous Maori people of NZ and the invading British overlords back in the day. From what I understand (and you know if you're interested you really should Wikipedia it or something, as this is a list of things I don't understand) it goes something like this:
Back in the day (some time in 1800s? hmm):
Maori: Oi!
British: Oh, I beg your pardon, my good man.
Maori: You're on my land.
British: Yes, I was just admiring it. What beautiful land it is. *glint in eye*
Maori: What'll you give me for it?
British: These beads.
Maori: No! No deal.
British: These beads...and this horse.
Maori: Well...it is quite a nice horse.
British: Isn't it, though? Sign on the dotted line.

200 years later:
Maori: Oi!
British: What now? You are interrupting tea.
Maori: We have just realised that our forefathers got swindled by your forefathers, and we want you to do something about it.
British: Pardon?
Maori: You gave 'em one! Turned 'em over and-
British, hastily: Yes, yes! Never mind about that. Here's, um, here's a teapot. Look at it. Isn't it nice?
Maori: We don't want a teapot, we want our land back.
British, somewhat impatiently: No, no. Here is your teapot.
Maori suddenly turn nasty: I hate to say this, but your actions could come off a little, you know, racist. Surely you wouldn't want word of this to spread to your nice, non-racist neighbours?
British, hastily: Oh! You must have misheard me! Of course you can have your land back. And some money. Would you like some money?
Maori rub hands together and exit, stage whatever.

And now I get a day off once a year to celebrate this. I'd also like to say that I am not being a big fat racist here: the British swindled the Maori back in the day with a crappy land deal, and now the Maori have swindled them back in compensation claims, and if that analysis offends you then please try to remember that I actually know very little about this so I am not just being a bigot, I am being an ignorant bigot too.

5. The Origins of Rock

All of those classic bands that modern music is based on? I know nothing about any of them. Which is at once intensely liberating and intensely shameful to admit. But if you try to call me out on this, I will lie and say pretentious things about the Velvet Underground.

Everyone does.


*You know, those things that you mention in conversation and I say 'hmmm' thoughtfully, then make some kind of horoscope statement** and carry on. I realise that all of these topics are things I am perfectly capable of understanding- in fact, from time to time people try to explain them to me, but I usually tune out through sheer lack of interest. Sorry.

**'horoscope statement:' any statement which can be applied to most situations and is so vague as to mean essentially nothing, but which still manages to somehow sound remarkably profound. I made up this term myself.

Sulk

Ok, so I spent all day today being heinously unprofessional, saying things like, "Oh, well, I'll just tell you about it and if you get bored you can hang up," and I made three sales. Three more sales, need I point out, than I have made in my entire employment to date. (With this company. Not my entire entire employment - ooh, getting off the point.) Fuck. I hate being not-right! That is all I have to say about that. At least I made sales. Sales = money.

Ok so today I went to the Time Doctor. He is a doctor who travels into the future and steals technological advances, then goes back to the Middle Ages and stops the plague in its tracks! Not many people know this, but the Time Doctor essentially saved Europe from a horrible bubonic fate. Oh, what a kidder I am! He's a watchmaker & I dropped my watch in to get some links taken out, I was just lying to try and impress you with my famous and/or magical friends. Sorry.

Speaking of which, today I had lunch with Mothra - it was kind of lame 'cause he was all "oh I was going to invite Godzilla but then he was really weird the other day when we went out for a drink and now I really don't know what's going on with us and maybe I'm just being paranoid but now I'm worried he doesn't really like me and that he just hangs out with me because he feels like he has to because of the whole monsters-who-" and I had to put up with his emo whinging for, like, an hour. Some people. (Moths.)

Ok so today I was thinking about that line in that Poison song that goes "...& every cowboy has a sad, sad song." Why? Why do cowboys always have to be sad? Personally I've always thought being a cowboy would be pretty awesome. If I was a cowboy, this is the song I would have:

Fuck yeah I am a cowboy, out riding on the range
I'm so glad I'm a cowboy & I'd never ever change
My mom said be a lawyer, my dad said join the force
But I'd rather be a cowboy with a big hat and a horse.

I spend my days & nights out a'riding on the prairie
My horse is big and awesome and my beard is lush and hairy
The ladies all start swooning when I stride into a bar -
I don't want a corporate package, I don't want a car!

I never dreamt of luxuries, of thousand-dollar suits
I'd rather have wind in my hair and scorpions in my boots
And I can ride for miles beneath a blazing sun
If I start getting bored, I just whip out my gun!

Fuck yeah! I am a cowboy, out riding on the range
I'm so glad I'm a cowboy & I'd never ever change
My mom said be a lawyer, my dad said join the force
But I'd rather be a cowboy with a big hat and a horse.

Those folks that love the city, well, I guess that's kinda fair
But they'll never shoot a rattler, while trying to fight a bear,
While rawhidin' a dogie, while waving a lassoo...
Don't tell me that's the kind of thing that you don't want to do!

Redundancy and taxes don't matter much to me
Out there ropin' cattle is where I'm meant to be
Upon a tree I hang my hat, beneath the stars I sleep
& if I get too lonely I can always find a sheep!

Fuck yeah I am a cowboy, out riding on the range
I'm so glad I'm a cowboy & I'd never ever change
My mom said be a lawyer, my dad said join the force
But I'd rather be a cowboy with a big hat and a horse.

You know I will totally give you a live rendition of that, as well. All you have to do is ask. Mothra will do backing vocals. Bridge currently under production.

In other, non-cowboy related news, I'm working tomorrow. It's a Saturday! Why am I doing this? What is wrong with my brain? Also today at work I sold a holiday product to Mrs Death. Easy on the puns now, kiddies.

Not About Cannibalism

About Twitter. (Well, the start of it is. The end of it is about something else, but it isn't cannibalism either.) Do you twit? (That's what it's called, right?) I have recently begun to be slightly tempted to twit, but then it also seems awfully narcissistic, in a 'I post disjointed thoughts on an internet thing in the hopes that they will be read by everyone in the world." In a way completely unlike having a blog! (To be fair, I had this blog for ages before I had any readers.) Also it sounds kind of stupid but, then again, as a 'blogger' I don't really have a leg to stand on here.

So yeah in other news I start work tomorrow. I was trying to think positively about this, to see it as a period of change and excitement; a period of new ventures, of colleagues and friends and company email addresses, and of upping my number of Facebook buddies. I have now given that up as a lost cause and am just thinking about the money. Besides, if I go in with high expectations I could well be disappointed, but if I enter the building thinking "Well, this is going to be the most craptastic experience I've had since TLDOML (ooh, self-referential)," then I can't fail to be pleasantly surprised. Unless, of course, it really is that bad - in which case I can at least find a little joy in smugly saying "I told you so" to myself and everyone I know, including the blogosphere. Which is right up there with 'chillax' on my list of words that are satisfying to say, but make you sound like a douchebag.



Oh Jesus I have to iron my suit pants. After first finding them. And sewing a button onto the fly. I hate being gainfully employed and it hasn't even started yet.

I am slightly tempted to tell all of my new colleagues whopping great lies (I am engaged to a French airman/my preferred name is Napoleon and I respond to nothing else/I only have four toes on my left foot because of a horrific accident/I have a twin, who will be working for me on Fridays, but please don't tell anyone, etc.) but I would probably get found out. Is still tempting, though. (I have a face on my butt and if you touch it you can see the future.)

Oh God. I just had something pointed out to me. There are 7 of us 'coming on board' at once. You know what that means, don't you? (It's corporate-speak, and it means 'joining the company.' Sheesh, guys. Get with the program.)

There is going to be team building.

PLEASE GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OH FUCK IT ALL

TEAM BUILDING IS MY NEMESIS

I WILL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT TOMORROW

Ode to a Garage

I am painting the garage. Not right now, obviously, but this week. I have to date received no fewer than 10 notes in the mailbox from amateur painters, inspired by my art; well-meaning passersby offering encouragement; and neighbours who like the new colour better than the old one.

That was a lie. No-one cares that I am painting the garage.

So far I have done the first coat, and suddenly I find I have lost motivation. If anyone would like to come and help, you're more than welcome. It's great fun! No, really! Sometimes it even gets exciting! Like when you're on the fourth rung up of a ladder, trying to paint the overhanging roof bit, and you suddenly find a spider with your face.

The garage was green and will eventually be gray. At the moment, it is sort of grey, with bits of green showing through in places where I was not particularly picky about the paint thickness.

I hate the garage. I don't even have a car.

In other news, my high score in Bubble has reached the dizzying height of 472,300. That's right. Four hundred and seventy-two thousand, three hundred points. Imagine how long that would have taken! Almost as long as painting a garage!

I am using a lot of !'s today. I don't know why, nothing very exciting has happened. Better post later, possibly, after Spanish lesson...

Election Commentary

Warning: this is a pretty dull post, even though I do get a bit drunk in the middle.

I would like to kick off my blow-by-blow election coverage with a quote, but I can't remember how it goes. It's something along the lines of how Americans line up for hours to vote and cry when their new president is elected, whereas New Zealanders sleep in, have brunch and go, "oh, I think there's something I've got to do today."

It is probably a bad thing that I am more excited about the new range of saucepans from Tefal than I am about our election. So far the saucepan ad has been better viewing than anything I've seen on the election coverage (although John Campbell did say "There's not a bugger there!" about the Labour party, um, party and I was mildly scandalised). He was right though, there wasn't a bugger there apart from the chubby political reporter, who is one of the lucky ones who's at a major party party. (Poor old Sia Aston's stuck in the NZ First camp.)


7.30 - 8

Mike McRoberts is excited because he's hanging out with the Greens, and they have (vegetarian) pizza. Cue jokes about lack of blue vegetables. John Campbell (who shall henceforth be referred to as JC) is excited about the graphs and charts and things that he's going to be referring to throughout the night. Crossing now to Tristram Thingy, who has the job of standing outside Helen Clark's house and waiting to see if she comes out. He is excited about Helen's architecture. "Is it a villa?" "I think technically it's a bungalow." Another reporter is now 'marvelling' (her word, not mine) about John Key's shrubbery. The box hedges, to be precise. "Not a flaw in any of them...the last person to go into the house was carrying ten pizzas, so things are obviously ratcheting up."

Obviously.

So these saucepans from Tefal (slogan: 'Ideas you Can't Live Without') are pretty cool, although I can live (and am in fact living) without them. It's a set of about six saucepans of varying sizes, with one detachable handle that fits onto all of them - allowing you to stack them neatly in the cupboard like, you know, bowls, rather than having to create an architectural oddity that attempts to defy the laws of space and time, and falls over (or, as we architects say, 'loses structural integrity') every time you open the kitchen cupboard. If I needed saucepans, I would buy these ones.

Ok, that's enough about saucepans, back to the election!

Oh. Nothing has happened.


8-8.30

A whopping 5% of votes have come in. I have bought some beer. JC has said 'bugger' again.

Reporter currently having the most fun: a tie between Mike McRoberts, who seems to have caught the rather peppy vibe in the Green camp, and the reporter dedicated to Act, who has just declared with no little satisfaction that the Act party party is "just round the corner from his house" and that he can walk home afterwards.

Went out last night (don't worry, you're not missing any exciting election news, just that Steven Parker, at the Maori party party, is a Noddy No-Mates (thank you, JC)) with workmates & ended up having a really fun night. (I thought that story was going to be more exciting when I started it.)

One of the reporters is waving a fish. I'm not sure why. It's a flounder. Perhaps it is a political metaphor? JC has just said "he's such a big man" about an immensely fat MP, and then tried to fix it by saying "it's a huge electorate, he works very hard."

Back to the increasingly excited Tristram outside Helen's house! Tristram is fast becoming my favourite reporter for his remarkable tenacity and powers of observation. "First of all we had an Indian gentleman who parked and then walked to the front door with a large box...he was delivering home-made samosas and savouries. Shortly after that we had...boxes and boxes of all manner of salads. Fruit salads...I saw some mango in there." JC, blatantly lying- "We look forward to coming back to you later in the evening."


8.30-9

I have eaten beans on toast and undone the button on my pants. Speaking of eating -"One way we can tell the difference between the parties is what they eat on election night. I think we should have a competition and try to tell which one is which!" Nice to know JC is as bored as I am. The election would probably be more interesting if I were drunk. Have decided to play the Bill & Ben Party Election Night Drinking Game. (http://www.throng.co.nz/pulp-sport/the-bill-ben-party-election-night-drinking-game) Have been to the supermarket - up to 30% of votes in. Still nothing exciting happening.


9-9.30

JC: "It is proving to be a fascinating evening." LIE. They are talking about John Key's "state of the art hedge" again. National are in the lead. I am wondering if perhaps I should have voted. I am also playing the drinking game in earnest and may be slightly tipsy.

OK so the election is boring. Oh God JC has just said 'bugger' again and now I have to consume my vessel. It looks rather like the Maori Party supporters have been doing the same - while all of the other party parties are rather restrained affairs, with sit-down dinners and small jazz groups, every time they cross to the Maori Party party a group of supporters jump up and down hooting. Everyone keeps saying 'fascinating.'


9.30-10

64% of votes counted. National still in the lead, but much prattle from JC about how the big urban electorates haven't come in yet and these are normally Labour strongholds yada yada. The Maori Party are winning Maori seats - no-one is surprised. JC has just interrupted the Maori Party co-leader because he saw a taxi - "These are live pictures of a Corporate cab! This is very exciting, we haven't seen one of these all evening! We believe John Key is inside." A couple of minutes later - "I always get excited when I see a corporate cab." The Maori Party co-leader has been apologised to & we are back to the boring prattle.

Oh, only about 46% of the votes have been counted, the others are just 'in.' This is going to go on bloody forever. Feel like I should watch election as part of being a responsible citizen, which is ridiculous as I didn't even vote as part of being a responsible citizen. Perhaps I am trying to influence the election with the power of my MIND.

Reporter currently having the most fun: a tie between the younger one hanging out with the Maori Party, who looks a bit pissed, and the one minding the Act party, who was just caught unaware he was live on air and is now asking random questions about whether or not Bob Dylan would vote for Act. Also looks a bit pissed.


10-10.30

I am now completely sick of the election. Why am I watching this? I am tired. Maybe I should have a nap and come back for the end.

Ooh, Winston Peters appears to be disbanding his party! (Due to lack of interest.) He is giving quite the gracious speech. "It's not about winning or losing in parliament, it's about winning as a country...those people who voted for NZ First, your cause is not over...I have nothing but gratitude for the support that we've had, and the work that we've done." Inspiring, but...kind of sad. And, in places, slightly nonsensical - "Others will pick up the cudgels in the future...including ourselves."

Would now be totally anticlimactic if they did get in.


10.30-11

Insanely bored. I could never be a political commentator. Haven't seen any of the reporters in ages, is all serious political musings, interviews and the like. Even JC appears to be taking things semi-seriously. Maybe this would be more interesting if I knew more about politics. We are now listening to someone rather old and codgerish whose name I didn't catch and who appears to have made his way into Parliament. Made this point to friend I am talking to online, and he said "Actually he is making some very insightful comments." Well, I guess I am just uneducated then.

Am trying to explain the election to VB. This would be easier if a) I knew more about it and b) he wasn't drunk.

Looks like National will be the major political party in power. This means basically nothing to me on a day-to-day basis, but it does annoy me - I just don't like the National leader. He comes across as rather spineless and too meek to lead a country into the future. Also, he's not a good public speaker - the last time I saw him on TV was in a breakfast TV interview, and the interviewer bullied him mercilessly, and he stammered and avoided the question. I think people have voted for the 'change' buzzword and tax cuts. Which is fair enough - the current party has been in for 9 years, and will probably be back in in 3. I have had enough politics for one evening - I am going to watch the leaders' speeches and go to bed.

(Apologies for dull and increasingly cranky commentary.)

I Know I Said I Was Cleaning...

But I kind of like these things. Anyone else remember that period where these were constantly being emailed back and forth around your group of friends, and every time there was a new one it was so exciting? Gosh I wasted a lot of time with them. Completely unlike now, of course, because now I am a Grown Up and so instead of a Mildly Amusing Time-Waster this is an Exercise in Self-Examination. Hmmm.

What time did you get up this morning?
12.30, so technically it was this afternoon. In my defense: yesterday I got up at 6.15 pm, so 12.30 isn't so bad. Also it is the weekend - during the week I get up at 6.10am and go to Horrid Work.

Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds. Pearls are not a girl's best friend, although they do rhyme with more than diamonds do. Diamonds from a jewelry point of view, pearls from a songwriting angle.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Wow, I don't remember. I have phases with the cinema, where I'll go tons for a couple of months and then not at all for ages. Ummm...nope, don't remember. It probably wasn't overly good.

What is your favorite TV show?
There are many - at the moment Skins & CSI Miami (everything is orange and blue, and even the actors can't take it seriously). Also Bones and America's Most Smartest Model, when they were on. I also watch Outrageous Fortune and Hell's Kitchen but that's more because they're on on the nights when I'm home & I've become fond of them, like a cat which always hangs about your house and which you eventually start feeding. I also watch Coronation Street. In a very modern, post-ironic way.

What do you usually have for breakfast?
I don't - I'm one of those coffee-and-cigarette people. This is either very sophisticated or totally retarded, depending on your viewpoint.

What is your middle name?
It is a secret - it is the keyword to unlock a large safe full of dirty money. Sorry.

What food do you dislike?
Celery. Ick. Also parsnips.

What kind of car do you drive?
I...don't. Because I care about the planet. (Also because driving terrifies me and I don't have my license.)

Favorite sandwich?
Difficult question! There are so many. I will split them up into categories. (I know this is boring but I'm doing it for my enjoyment, not yours, so there.) Vegetarian: avocado & tomato, with lots of salt
Regular: smoked chicken, brie and relish
Toasted: bacon, egg & tomato relish
Steak: self-explanatory.

What characteristic(s) do you despise?
Despise is a strong word! There are many characteristics that annoy me or that I dislike but not sure if there are any I actually despise. I guess insincerity.

Favorite item of clothing?
Currently, is new checked pants. But will be something else next week. No, wait, actually is not new checked pants - they are favourite item of work clothing, but overall favourite would have to be red velvet dress that bought at opshop for $18 without even trying it on, and which is Perfect Fit. Mmm. Favourite.

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
This question is ALWAYS asked. I would like to go to Greece.

Are you an organized person?
In some things more than others. I am highly organised when it comes to work, travel and cooking. But I am very disorganised at home, and my organisational systems usually make more sense to me than to anyone else.

Where would you like to retire to?
Somewhere by the sea.

What was your most recent memorable birthday?
Don't remember - I never remember what I did on birthdays or on New Year's, which apparently makes me a freak of nature. "How can you not remember what you did on your BIRTHDAY," they ask. Is like not remembering where you were when you heard that Diana had died. Not that my birthday has the same social consequences as - right, onto next question.

What are you going to do when you finish this?
Finish cleaning the bathroom. I swear.

When is your next birthday?
ON TUESDAY(!)

Morning person or night person?
Have always been a night owl and hideous in the mornings, but since I started walking the 35-40 minutes to work recently I've become a lot better in the mornings (i.e. actually cheerful when I arrive at work at 8am, rather than previous habit of being inhuman blob of grouchy tiredness until about 10.30). So perhaps I am morning-y after all.

What is your shoe size?
8 and a half.

Pets?
None. I have a zebra plant, though - plants are about as much pet as I can handle.

Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
BIRTHDAY TUESDAY TUESDAY BIRTHDAY. Actually that's not even that exciting for me.

What did you want to be when you were little?
Don't remember.

How are you today?
Clean and organised! If feeling a little resentful about Ick Band tonight. It won't be that bad when I get there, it never is.

What is your favorite flower?
Daffodils.

What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
TUESDAY BIRTHDAY. Also next Friday - large work party at which I will probably get irresponsibly tanked off the free alcohol and make advances towards someone inappropriate who I will then have to face on Monday. Who wouldn't look forward to that?

What are you listening to?
Placebo

Do you wish on stars?
Sort of - I find that wishes I make on stars never come true, so I try to second-guess this by a) making small, unimportant wishes to cover up my Actual Wish and b) having a conversation with the star concerned in an attempt to make it see my point of view and not instantly dismiss my wish.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Why is this question always asked? If I was a crayon, I would be white with fear at my inevitable smudgy death.

How is the weather right now?
Cold and drizzly - the weatherpeople said "WATCH OUT BIG STORM" but so far it has been a bit of a letdown

Last person you spoke to on the phone?
A friend who called last night to see if I wanted to go to a party. I didn't.

Favorite soft drink?
Raspberry Fanta.

Favorite restaurant?
Ummm...hmm. Nothing stands out currently, although there are a couple of nice Japanese restaurants I go to from time to time.

Hair color?
Dark brown

What was your favorite toy as a child?
My bear. Her name was Violetta-Lucy Marie DuChamp Bear and she was all class

Summer or winter?
Winter - I don't tan well and find summer gives me no scope to be dramatic

Chocolate or vanilla?
Vanilla

Coffee or tea?
Coffee. I would be nothing without coffee. I also enjoy a nice cup of tea, but I can have a functional workday without tea, whereas without coffee I don't stand a chance.

When was the last time you cried?
Couple weeks ago when I was sick - I'm awful at being sick. I go to the doctor, feeling rotten, and the doctor says something sympathetic and I burst into tears at how NICE the doctor is and how SICK I am.

What is under your bed?
Nothing - my bed is a mattress on the floor. So I suppose, technically, the floor is under my bed. The FAWN CARPETED FLOOR is under my bed.

What did you do last night?
Watched two crappy movies on TV, did small amount of writing, and read The Partisan's Daughter by Louis de Bernieres. Recommend it.

What are you afraid of?
I wouldn't say 'afraid of' exactly, but I have spider issues

Salty or sweet?
Salty

How many keys on your key ring?
One, my house key - actually I found my old keyring today while cleaning, and it still has the key to my old house and, more worryingly, the keys to my old workplace

How many years at your current job?
8 months. But if it helps, it feels like years. IN A GOOD WAY

Favorite day of the week?
Depends. Friday?

Do you make friends easily?
My charm and amiability are the stuff of legend.