HIPPO BIRDY!!!*

*TO ME!!!

It is the one day a year when the title of this blog is true! I was going to change it in some deeply witty and ironic way but fuck it, it's my birthday, I have better things to do (eat.)

I don't know if you're familiar with Hippo Birdy - featured in many a childhood birthday card - but here it is.

I am wearing my Disney dress and refusing to do anything unpleasant because it is MY BIRTHDAY!!! Kate and I are going out for lunch, then later on we're all going out for dinner, then WHO KNOWS? The Birthday stretches ahead of me, pulsating with potential, like an enormous pimple of providence.

Mum came into my room this morning and said, "I think this is going to be a great year for you." (What am I, a wine?) "I just have a feeling," she continued. "In your waters?" I asked hopefully. "In my bones." Look of faint disgust. Obviously I have not matured much this year, but let's hope she's right. I also think it will be a Great Year for Me, but then I consider every year to be one of those so I'm not really as objective as I could be. (Neither is my mother, but never mind about that.) Ally Has a Great Year, the papers will say. (And by 'the papers' I mean 'the blogs' or, more specifically, 'my blog.')

Incidentally, if you're sick of hearing about My You-Know-What, you're not alone: a friend wished me happy birthday this morning, and I said, "Oh, you remembered!" She gave me a sort of longsuffering look and said, "I don't think anyone in a five-mile radius is going to forget." She's just jealous that it's not her birthday. Unlike me. Because it is my birthday.

Anyway I'm going to go and do birthday stuff now!

BECAUSE TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!

TUESDAY BIRTHDAY

It is my! Tuesday Birthday. Am killing time until flatmate comes home from Auckland with wine & presents (hopefully). I do plan to have a shower (BIRTHDAY SHOWER!) and do the dishes (BIRTHDAY DI- sigh), but not quite yet.


Three Beautiful Birthday Things:

1. My colleague got flowers from his partner yesterday and I complained that no-one ever bought me flowers. Today the same colleague had a lovely bouquet delivered to my desk.

2. A Serious Businesswoman came into the office to have a 'face-to-face' (normal people call them 'meetings') this afternoon, and she decided to sign up. As she left, she turned around and giggled, "Starting a business is so exciting!"

3. We had a morning tea with a large chocolate cake for me and the other guy in my office whose birthday is also today. This, although nice, was not as heart-warming as the e-cake that was sent to me this morning and which I have saved to my 'personal' folder.

Bonus story: was accosted on the way home by a young man called David, who was training to be a monk. I found this out because he opened the conversation by saying, "Hello, my name's David, and I'm training to be a monk. Have you heard of monks?" I was still walking at this point but my interest was momentarily piqued by the word 'monk' and a momentary interest was, apparently, enough for David The Monk-in-Training (Monk-to-Be? Monkolyte?) to pounce on. I admitted that I had heard of monks. Then I admitted that I had heard of The Soul (David the Monkolyte (Monkprentice? Studonk?) mentioned The Soul several times during his spiel (or our conversation, depending on which way you want to look at it, although it was a fairly one-sided conversation as most of the time all I said was 'mmm') and every time he pronounced the capitals), and then I admitted that I had heard of Krishna. Around this point I began to get more of a picture of what sort of monk David the Monkprentice was training to become - a Hare Krishna one, not, as he said, 'your textbook monk.' Just what your textbook monk is I am not quite sure, but think it looks something like St Francis of Assisi is supposed to.

Then we talked about The Soul ("What do you think of The Soul," asked David the Monkprentice. I said something very pretentious out of spite, which in hindsight was silly because it spurred DtMprentice on - "But what do you think happens to The Soul when you die??" I said I didn't know), and then DtMprentice told me a nice little story about some chap whose name I don't remember but who was 'an administrator, of the kingly class' (makes no sense to me either; one can only assume that a) class structures were very different back then or b) he was an administrator in some spiritual sense of the word or c) processing paperwork prominently produces prodigious power, plus prestige (perplexing)). Anyway this kingly administrator (still not a concept that sits well) was caught in the middle of a war and had family on both sides or something and he was at his wits' end! And so he asked Krishna. The story got a bit fuzzy at this point (suspect DtMprentice hadn't been allowed to make it this far through his spiel before - he got a bit flustered and lost the thread of the story) and I never did find out what Krishna said, but it had something to do with a book that DtMprentice would have liked me to make a donation towards. It sounded interesting, but I had no cash on me.

However despite my inability to donate David the Monkprentice invited me along to their next evening of meditation ("not textbook meditation," he said, "it can get quite loud" (the phrase 'not textbook' is obviously a favourite of DtMprentice's mentor. My view of the soul - sorry, The Soul - was also 'not textbook') and said that I could stay for a lovely vegan dinner afterwards, and that if I was interested there was also a class on interpreting The Book Which I Did Not Buy (not its actual name).

Unfortunately, Krishnafest Evening (its actual name) is on a Sunday night. And on a Sunday night, I have band.

Once again, band is the...the speed bump on my path to enlightenment.

(Better than 'the bunker in my golf course of enlightenment,' which was the original analogy.)

Off for BIRTHDAY SHOWER and BIRTHDAY DISHES!

I Know I Said I Was Cleaning...

But I kind of like these things. Anyone else remember that period where these were constantly being emailed back and forth around your group of friends, and every time there was a new one it was so exciting? Gosh I wasted a lot of time with them. Completely unlike now, of course, because now I am a Grown Up and so instead of a Mildly Amusing Time-Waster this is an Exercise in Self-Examination. Hmmm.

What time did you get up this morning?
12.30, so technically it was this afternoon. In my defense: yesterday I got up at 6.15 pm, so 12.30 isn't so bad. Also it is the weekend - during the week I get up at 6.10am and go to Horrid Work.

Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds. Pearls are not a girl's best friend, although they do rhyme with more than diamonds do. Diamonds from a jewelry point of view, pearls from a songwriting angle.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Wow, I don't remember. I have phases with the cinema, where I'll go tons for a couple of months and then not at all for ages. Ummm...nope, don't remember. It probably wasn't overly good.

What is your favorite TV show?
There are many - at the moment Skins & CSI Miami (everything is orange and blue, and even the actors can't take it seriously). Also Bones and America's Most Smartest Model, when they were on. I also watch Outrageous Fortune and Hell's Kitchen but that's more because they're on on the nights when I'm home & I've become fond of them, like a cat which always hangs about your house and which you eventually start feeding. I also watch Coronation Street. In a very modern, post-ironic way.

What do you usually have for breakfast?
I don't - I'm one of those coffee-and-cigarette people. This is either very sophisticated or totally retarded, depending on your viewpoint.

What is your middle name?
It is a secret - it is the keyword to unlock a large safe full of dirty money. Sorry.

What food do you dislike?
Celery. Ick. Also parsnips.

What kind of car do you drive?
I...don't. Because I care about the planet. (Also because driving terrifies me and I don't have my license.)

Favorite sandwich?
Difficult question! There are so many. I will split them up into categories. (I know this is boring but I'm doing it for my enjoyment, not yours, so there.) Vegetarian: avocado & tomato, with lots of salt
Regular: smoked chicken, brie and relish
Toasted: bacon, egg & tomato relish
Steak: self-explanatory.

What characteristic(s) do you despise?
Despise is a strong word! There are many characteristics that annoy me or that I dislike but not sure if there are any I actually despise. I guess insincerity.

Favorite item of clothing?
Currently, is new checked pants. But will be something else next week. No, wait, actually is not new checked pants - they are favourite item of work clothing, but overall favourite would have to be red velvet dress that bought at opshop for $18 without even trying it on, and which is Perfect Fit. Mmm. Favourite.

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
This question is ALWAYS asked. I would like to go to Greece.

Are you an organized person?
In some things more than others. I am highly organised when it comes to work, travel and cooking. But I am very disorganised at home, and my organisational systems usually make more sense to me than to anyone else.

Where would you like to retire to?
Somewhere by the sea.

What was your most recent memorable birthday?
Don't remember - I never remember what I did on birthdays or on New Year's, which apparently makes me a freak of nature. "How can you not remember what you did on your BIRTHDAY," they ask. Is like not remembering where you were when you heard that Diana had died. Not that my birthday has the same social consequences as - right, onto next question.

What are you going to do when you finish this?
Finish cleaning the bathroom. I swear.

When is your next birthday?
ON TUESDAY(!)

Morning person or night person?
Have always been a night owl and hideous in the mornings, but since I started walking the 35-40 minutes to work recently I've become a lot better in the mornings (i.e. actually cheerful when I arrive at work at 8am, rather than previous habit of being inhuman blob of grouchy tiredness until about 10.30). So perhaps I am morning-y after all.

What is your shoe size?
8 and a half.

Pets?
None. I have a zebra plant, though - plants are about as much pet as I can handle.

Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
BIRTHDAY TUESDAY TUESDAY BIRTHDAY. Actually that's not even that exciting for me.

What did you want to be when you were little?
Don't remember.

How are you today?
Clean and organised! If feeling a little resentful about Ick Band tonight. It won't be that bad when I get there, it never is.

What is your favorite flower?
Daffodils.

What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
TUESDAY BIRTHDAY. Also next Friday - large work party at which I will probably get irresponsibly tanked off the free alcohol and make advances towards someone inappropriate who I will then have to face on Monday. Who wouldn't look forward to that?

What are you listening to?
Placebo

Do you wish on stars?
Sort of - I find that wishes I make on stars never come true, so I try to second-guess this by a) making small, unimportant wishes to cover up my Actual Wish and b) having a conversation with the star concerned in an attempt to make it see my point of view and not instantly dismiss my wish.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Why is this question always asked? If I was a crayon, I would be white with fear at my inevitable smudgy death.

How is the weather right now?
Cold and drizzly - the weatherpeople said "WATCH OUT BIG STORM" but so far it has been a bit of a letdown

Last person you spoke to on the phone?
A friend who called last night to see if I wanted to go to a party. I didn't.

Favorite soft drink?
Raspberry Fanta.

Favorite restaurant?
Ummm...hmm. Nothing stands out currently, although there are a couple of nice Japanese restaurants I go to from time to time.

Hair color?
Dark brown

What was your favorite toy as a child?
My bear. Her name was Violetta-Lucy Marie DuChamp Bear and she was all class

Summer or winter?
Winter - I don't tan well and find summer gives me no scope to be dramatic

Chocolate or vanilla?
Vanilla

Coffee or tea?
Coffee. I would be nothing without coffee. I also enjoy a nice cup of tea, but I can have a functional workday without tea, whereas without coffee I don't stand a chance.

When was the last time you cried?
Couple weeks ago when I was sick - I'm awful at being sick. I go to the doctor, feeling rotten, and the doctor says something sympathetic and I burst into tears at how NICE the doctor is and how SICK I am.

What is under your bed?
Nothing - my bed is a mattress on the floor. So I suppose, technically, the floor is under my bed. The FAWN CARPETED FLOOR is under my bed.

What did you do last night?
Watched two crappy movies on TV, did small amount of writing, and read The Partisan's Daughter by Louis de Bernieres. Recommend it.

What are you afraid of?
I wouldn't say 'afraid of' exactly, but I have spider issues

Salty or sweet?
Salty

How many keys on your key ring?
One, my house key - actually I found my old keyring today while cleaning, and it still has the key to my old house and, more worryingly, the keys to my old workplace

How many years at your current job?
8 months. But if it helps, it feels like years. IN A GOOD WAY

Favorite day of the week?
Depends. Friday?

Do you make friends easily?
My charm and amiability are the stuff of legend.

So Much Clean

I have spent all day cleaning and unpacking and tidying and organising and cleaning. This is very out of character, I know, but it needed to be done (especially the unpacking, as have now been in this flat for a month and still had boxes and suitcases at random points all over my room, adding to the overall post-pinata effect & giving me something to walk into when getting up in the night to go to the bathroom).

So now everything is nicely in order - well, nicely in piles which need to be put in order, but almost the same thing - and just needs to be tidied (I am having a break). Kitchen is also much cleaner - dishes are no longer threatening to become sentient and claim the bench as their sovereign territory - and bathroom has been cleansed of hair dye stains, empty toilet rolls, little travel shampoos (also empty - there were 5 of these - where do they all come from?) and other messy things. Am feeling very virtuous.

Do, however, still need to tidy lounge as for the last two evenings I've been home by myself (flatmate in Auckland until Tuesday, which is, incidentally, my BIRTHDAY) and have made a big mess. Most of the mess seems to consist of soup bowls, old teabags, and cosmetics ("I know, I'll pluck my eyebrows!" So far plucking my eyebrows has been a two-day job - I keep starting then getting distracted and going 'oh I'll finish this later'). So it will not be hard to tidy up, but it will have to be tidied. After little break has finished (but before Band (ick, Band)).

Is very tempting to skip Ick Band but then would not be responsible citizen. I am having mixed feelings about starting rehearsals for The Show - am excited by sheer theatricality of it, of course, but then the reality of taking the train out to the theatre and back 3 times a week sinks in and I go "eurgh." Also don't know yet whether or not have got a main part or am merely chorus (WHAT a snob).

Anyway, have left industrial-strength Jif-like product that flatmates filched from her work fizzing in the bathroom sink, so might go and wash that off before it strips all the enamel and I have to concoct an elaborate lie.