The Waterslide of Insanity

Because why should the descent into madness have to be unpleasant?
I'm not sure what I'm wearing there but I'm definitely shouting "Whee!"

(Also, swap 'Time' and 'Sanity' around. Then the graph will actually make sense. Sorry.)

Word of the day: retardis! Used to refer to someone who is far stupider than they appear.

You know, people who appear to have everything sorted and then you go out for a cigarette and when you come back they've eaten a glue stick, shredded the recycling and accidentally deleted your hard drive.

As in, "Jim made that enormous mistake? But he seems so....normal! I thought he had everything under control!" "Yeah. He's kind of a Retardis."

(If you're confused right now, google 'tardis'.)

My life is BORING. Apparently Fritos are awesome?

Job Statistics*

* I drew some graphs in Paint

Today I applied for three jobs and then realised that out of the three, I actually only want one of them. The one that I'm least likely to get. (It's as a recruitment consultant, for interest's sake - the other two are sales jobs which are pretty much identical to the one I just left, except I'd be selling different stuff. One is for health insurance. The other is for freighting. What was I thinking?)

As a result of this, I have developed a (completely unsubstantiated) theory that the more enjoyable a job is, the less likely I am to be offered it.

I have drawn a graph to illustrate my findings (fig. A) - let y be my potential enjoyment of the job, and let x be the likelihood of this job being offered to me.


Here is a bonus graph of how I rate various jobs in terms of fun and money.



Tomorrow I am going to do something productive.

7

Hello! It's me again.

My impossibly coloured friend Andrea (acatofimpossiblecolour.blogspot.com) has found another nice meme for friends to complete - you list seven random facts about yourself (and presume that people are interested in reading them). So, without further ado, let me present

Seven Facts About Ally
Now I can't think of anything even remotely interesting.

1. I am a huge fan of the Easy-Off Bam! ads. The catchphrase they shout after demonstrating the amazing cleaning powers of Bam ("Bam! And the dirt is gone.") is my favourite part. I have developed a habit of shouting it whilst cleaning things. I shouted it in the shower the other day. I have also been known to shout it when leaving a room ("Bam! And the Ally is gone") and drinking ("Bam! And the wine is gone.") Not a particularly illustrious start to the seven facts I know. But I feel Bam! is an integral part of my personality and, obscurely, the key to understanding my inner workings.

2. I had a storybook as a child which still makes me cry - it's called Black Dog. It's about a girl who has a black dog, and the girl and Black Dog are best friends who do everything together. One day the girl and Black Dog go to the beach, and the girl sees an absolutely beautiful bird. She goes to play with the bird, but before she reaches it, it flies away. Every day from then on, all the girl does is stare out the window looking for the bird. She never plays with Black Dog any more. Weeks go by and the bird doesn't come back, and the girl gets sadder and sadder. Then one morning she looks out the window and sees the bird in a tree outside! So she runs outside, and as she runs outside she sees Black Dog jump from the tree and fall to the ground, and Black Dog dies, because he was trying to be the bird for her, and he was trying to fly.
Silly story - am pretty sure dogs can't climb trees.

3. I really like my hands - they aren't particularly pretty hands, they're too square, quite scarred and my fingers aren't very tapered (rings make my fingers look squat, one more reason to not get married! hee) but I like them anyway. I am occasionally jealous of people with slender, delicate little hands, but then I guess I can...hold more stuff? Yeah! They may have dancer's hands, but I can hold stuff. Like, seven wine glasses at once. Although to be fair that is more down to the precise art of balancing wine glasses rather than superior hand strength or size.

4. About five years ago I drew an almost perfect interrobang, freehand, in Vivid on a white sheet of paper. I've kept it ever since, usually stuck up on my wall. It was only a few months ago that I was messing about on Wikipedia, looking up obscure punctuation marks (I do not remember why) when I came across the interrobang and instantly went, "That's that thing I drew!"

Sorry that I'm not much good at this!

5. I enjoy making graphs. I used to love analysing data, plotting points, joining them and then sitting back and looking at the perfect lines. Which is quite out of keeping with my normal haphazard style, but probably explains my love of cleaning fridges and Bach fugues.

6. If I could pick any superpower, I'd go for teleportation, closely followed by telepathy. If I had three wishes, I'd wish for teleportation powers, telepathic powers, and happy and satisfying lives for my friends and relatives. (And then I would give all of my money to charity. Ha ha.)

7. (Thank God, last one! There don't seem to be many interesting facts about me.) When I was 16, I dyed my hair orange by accident. I wanted to bleach it from its natural very dark brown to white-blonde. Obviously doing this at home was a great idea. With Andrea's assistance (thank you, Andrea) I managed to get it white-blonde. For about two days. And then, unsurprisingly, it went ginger and refused to go back. It wouldn't dye blond, it wouldn't dye dark...it was a nightmare. My friends called me Matchstick as it was what I resembled. On the plus side, it's pretty easy to pick me out in the yearbook photo! Tee hee.


I am so very much looking forward to going to sleep tonight! It has been a long week so far - work's really busy at the moment, and haven't been having the earliest of nights. We're down a team member at work since the departure of VB (who is loving his new job, company car etc...bastard) and as he and I did about 70% of the work between us, his absence has left a rather large hole. IN MY HEART.

Tee hee! Not really. Right, I am going to bed because otherwise I will be a zombie tomorrow, and it's hard to be enthused about eftpos when all you want is brains. Although today was almost as bad - I had immense bagel cravings until lunchtime, when I had a bagel and didn't think about bagels for almost half an hour! I am a bagel zombie.

Andrea Suggested I Update my Blog

...and so I am! Although I don't really have anything exciting to report. I do, however, have several unexciting things to report, as below:

- work is the same but worse. if it were plotted on a graph where y = time and x = excitement it would show up as a steadily declining line. This could also be said of graphs where y = time and x = job satisfaction/financial security. however if x = temptation to crack entirely and run amok with stapler, stapling faces of co-workers (y still = time) the line would be pointing the other way.

- my older sister emailed me saying "I used to babysit for a guy who I just found on Facebook- you should Facebook him and ask him on a date!" I have never met him in my life and wouldn't know him from a bar of soap. Thusly my love life is summed up (and no, I didn't Facebook him. It's weird. What would you say?) Also in my love life are (deep breath is taken to reel off list of names)

Annoying, Really Stupid Ex (ARSE) - has not yet come to terms with the idea that I am NOT madly in love with him, despite the fact that we went out for a whole, beautiful week and a half (actually). Also thinks that he knows me really well and can therefore predict everything I will say and analyse everything I am thinking. I have discovered that that is my single most hated trait in anyone. This is why we only went out for a week and a half.

Persistent Emo Teen (PET) - Persistent. Emo. Teen. What more is there to say?

Business Banker Crush (BBC) - although I have only talked to him on the phone and over the E Mail, we are going to get married and have many children. Gah, no we're not! But we might go out for a drink next week. Watch this space.

And that will do for list of names (shan't feature EVERYONE because who has that kind of time, honestly, and also I can't think of any more snappy acronyms - GFISOSWWD(BWIJAF) (guitarist friend I sort of slept with while drunk (but who is just a friend)) doesn't have the same ring to it as ARSE and PET and BBC. ARSE!

other unexciting news? hmmm. am still apparently going to Brisbane with band.
Bean Ribs! Although Trumpet Player Nunchi Friend declared recently that he is not, in fact, going to Beanribs after all, which was a pain in the Annoying Really Stupid Ex because we had a sort of "you go, I go" deal but now it's just "I go, I go". and that's not the same at all. Sigh. I really must remember to apply for leave.

Other events of note (that was not a band pun) include yesterday at work everyone having to be sat down and told about a new scheme we're implementing to make everyone all healthy. We are expected to join groups and exercise, on our lunch hour, with our workmates. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the point of a lunch hour was to EAT SOMETHING and NOT BE AROUND YOUR WORKMATES. Just shows how ignorant I can be, huh? So that's something I can look forward to. Walking group starts this week. I do not own any shoes for trotting about the town in, red in the face, clutching a sandwich with one hand and getting the Indy. GAH.

Speaking of work, had a hideous day yesterday in which every minor mistake I have ever made came back to haunt me. Do not want to go to work on Monday but must remind myself that other people out there are having worse days for example the man who wanted his terminals to arrive this morning (they are not going to because he filled his forms out all WRONG.)

Anyway, I have to go and meet a friend for lunch (we are going to do some walking) and then go home and have a beer. Ah, beer. I am sorry this post has not been witty and/or fascinating, but I am tired and not very funny :(. See that emoticon? That's how not funny I am. I don't know how to make a sad face at the end of a sentence without making him (why is it a boy? huge socio-political ramifications, note to self: write research paper) look like there's a huge spot on his chin. Perhaps he has a date? Perhaps this time next week I will have a date! I am going to stop typing now because it's just a stream of consciousness, and by consciousness I mean twaddle.