In The Last 24 Hours I Did All Of These Things!* NOW WITH SPIDER

*more or less in this order, too

- Woke up at 3am knowing with complete certainty that a) I was about to vomit and b) under no circumstances could I vomit in my bed. Obviously the only thing I could do was vomit out my window. Then go straight back to sleep. Then wake up having forgotten about this entirely and only remembering when reminded by my startled and not altogether pleased mother. Jesus.

- Waterblasted bright orange vomit (previous evening's Butter Chicken making an unexpected comeback) off the side of the house.

- Waterblasted bright orange vomit off the dog.

- Saw the best white trash hairstyle ever! It was being sported by a spotty blond boy who looked like someone on a long-haul flight who has just realised that their seatmate stepped in dogshit prior to getting on the plane. The boy had a big long stringy fringe brushed straight forward and gelled down onto his head - the overall theme of the hairdo was 'stringy.' At the crown of his head he'd constructed a (stringy) Mohawk, and this continued down the back of his head, until it reached his neck. Then it turned into a stringy mullet. It looked pretty much like this -The reason he looks kind of smug because he's thinking about how freakin' awesome his hair is.

- Saw a small boy riding a bike along the footpath (resisted the urge to shout "Retard," you'll be pleased to hear). The weird part is that he had one hand on the handlebars, and was using the other hand to steady a small push scooter he was pulling along beside him. I know that he was probably taking it to a friend's house to play, or something, but it looked ridiculous, Biking Boy with Scooter. Almost said, "Hey, your dog's fallen off" but thought better of it. Am coming to realise that not many of the things I did in the last 24 hours are all that interesting.

- Thought that the reason for a small girl in the supermarket staring at me was because she was in awe of my beauty and sophistication and totally wanted to be like me when she grew up. Actually it was because my top had fallen open and a boob had popped out. Jesus.

- Spent three hours cooking! It was great. I made a pumpkin korma, a pork vindaloo and a somewhat strange but still tasty prawn & chicken kerala-style curry (whatever kerala-style is (strange but still tasty, presumably.)) I count it as a success. Speaking of which, you know what always succeeds? A toothless budgie. Boom boom.

- Not related, but people who say "children are the future" annoy me. Not only is it really quite a pompous thing to say but children are blatantly not the future. I mean, yes, of course I see what you're getting at, but technically nothing is the future except, you know, tomorrow & dates after that. It's like saying "children are eggs." Children are not eggs or the future they are children!

Tomorrow, jetpacks.

Why do mice have very small balls?
Not that many of them know how to dance.

EDIT: I also saved my grandmother from a spider! She has a lot of grey, wispy & perhaps somewhat weblike hair - she was saying something to me at the Indian dinner yesterday (does donating a couple of dishes of food along make me an Indian giver?) - when I noticed there was a rather large (and intrepid) spider in her hair. Nana is 92 and I wasn't sure how she would react to a spider crawling onto her face (i.e. with heart attack), so I had to act quickly and basically the end of the story is that I reached over and removed the spider by making it crawl onto my hand. I am very brave. Spiders are not pleasant. But it didn't bite me, Nana didn't have a heart attack, and we all lived happily ever after. (Including the spider.) I did, however, have a nasty dream about spiders last night.

BrisBand the First

Well, it's the second really, but Blogger didn't let me post the first.

Where to begin? Flight was long and dull, and there's something about playing loud jazz on your laptop at the airport at 5am that makes other people want to kill you, Hugo. Got into Brisbane (really nothing to say about flight except that I watched Priceless, which is really rather good). Brisbane is, in the words of one of our more charmingly spoken cornet players, "hot like a MILF." It is so hot. On the first day we were here it rained and was hot at the same time. Ridiculously hot.

Hotel is lovely! Although internet very expensive (think $8 (AUD) for half an hour) so blogging may become sporadic as I run out of money. Mind you, I spent more than eight dollars on lunch today so must remember to keep these things in perspective. Hotel has v nice bar and restaurant, also outdoor pool with many loungers and potted palms - is on roof. Feel ever so slightly like a movie star when I go to the pool, prancing about in my red bikini and relatively well applied fake tan (this means no parts of me are noticeably different in colour to other parts, except for unfortunate hickey-like splodge on neck which has since faded).

Have become remarkably sick of several members of band who are clinging like limpets, to the point where I'm writing emails in overpriced (but cheaper than lunch) internet cafe & they sit behind me and comment loudly on my Facebook photos. Then I say "Hey I'm actually going to write some emails and my blog now, so you might wanna wander off, I could be a while," instead of taking this polite hint to fuck off they sit about and talk loudly for a further twenty minutes while I grit my teeth and don't blog.

Apart from that all is well - street march was this morning and was good except just before the step-off, as we were all braced up and at attention, one of the horn players farted REALLY loudly and everyone got the giggles. Small mishaps like this have studded our time here so far, but not in any detrimental way. We shall see how we go in the marching.

Hymn and test were a couple of hours ago - we're all pretty hopeful as it went well and the three bands I stuck around to listen to (it's a field of 14) were shite.

Am running out of internet time and am also Hungy, so will finish later!

Destiny! Force of.

It's a piece of music by Verdi. La Forza del Destino! I am not gambling with the occult or anything along those lines...I realise this was unclear in my last post. I am, in fact, sitting in my father's house tootling away the theme to the Stella ad. I brought no other music with me because I am an idiot.

Work today was the same as work yesterday, except it was warmer. Just got excited about dinner (sausages, egg, chips, bacon...it's not just for breakfast anymore!) and clapped my little paws together, forgetting that my right paw is HIDEOUSLY BRUISED from two days of hardcore secateuring. I said "Ffffffff." and then stopped. Probably could've finished the word, in hindsight, as yesterday when Dad and I were watching tv upstairs the phone rang downstairs, and he roared "FUCK" and almost fell down the stairs trying to get it. Then he remembered that I was there.

Also, his girlfriend came round last night (she is 61 and a very nice lady if a little ditzy from time to time) and she said at one point, "oh I think I'll take off my slippers." "Well," said my father, "that's a start, at least" and then he chuckled roguishly and she hit him on the arm. I laughed and they both looked at me and went "Whoops!"

No other news. Except I bought biscuits and am now going to EAT ONE.

(Have played force of destiny again; ryan still cranky.)

LATER UPDATE: Have eaten whole packet of biscuits.