So now I am going to start a socio-political blog in which I write serious pieces about things I have studied long and hard - it is time to put away the whimsical trappings of youth in favour of insights into the nature of Life, Love, and the Inevitability of Change.
Just kidding! Here's a story about my mother and Batman. I didn't spell him 'Bathman' once.
My mother, who is notorious for falling asleep in movies, rented The Dark Knight to watch this evening.
Kate: "You won't like it."
Mum: "But I watched Batman Begins especially!"
Me: "Did you like that?"
Mum: "Don't remember. What was it about?"
Me: "Batman. And how he begins."
Kate: "With the Batcave? And Morgan Freeman?"
Mum looks blank.
Me: "He's a billionaire, but he's secretly Batman, and Michael Caine helps him."
Kate: "You like Michael Caine."
Mum looks blank.
Kate: "They flash the bat symbol on the sky to tell the people the Batman rides tonight."
Me: "The batcave is under his house. He has a girlfriend, but they can't bat be together."
Long pause.
Mum, with excitement: "Oh! Does he save a city? And have a Batmobile?"
Oh, you mean that Batman.
More interestingly, did you know you can get blacklight tattoos? They do it with a special ink that only shows up under a blacklight. They look like awesome I mean this:
There is no way you can tell me that's not pretty awesome. 
The second one is kind of lame, but demonstrates how the tattoo doesn't show up under normal light. I mean, okay, so it's probably not so good for your skin, but oh well.In related news, I saw a picture of a connect-the-dots tattoo:
It's a giraffe. Obviously.That idea by itself is kind of cool in a hipsterish way, but listen to this.
What I really want is a connect-the-dots tattoo in normal ink, with the dots joined up in blacklight ink. I MEAN SERIOUSLY HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE.*
I know, I know, you're right: it would be difficult to choose something awesome enough. I mean the lady with the giraffe probably could've thought of something better. What would one get? Bok choi?
Also you'd have to carry a little blacklight around all the time. But it would still probably be worth it.
On the topic of Maybe Awesome, how do you feel about fibre-optic hair extensions?
They're so deliciously tacky. I really want some.
Also, I'm still waiting on your questions!
*not on a global scale of cool, just compared to how cool I normally am.
