Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Na Na Hey Hey

I am a logistical problem. Well. Moving me is a logistical problem. Moving all my stuff is a logistical problem. When I complain about moving, everyone says helpfully, "Oh, but you have hardly any furniture!" True, but do you know how much stuff I have? Piles and piles of things that I've accumulated over the years, most of which I don't need, and which will translate into piles and piles of cardboard boxes which need to be taken from city to city. Sometimes I wish I had a private jet. Actually that is most of the time.

Right now I am meant to be doing grown-up things like cleaning the house and paying the bills and unpacking from the weekend but actually what I am doing is reading a crappy novel and watching Friends and Thinking About Life.

Work Christmas party is this Friday (it is now Wednesday). It's one of three work Christmas parties (excessive I know, but they are free and I'm not complaining) and it's fancy dress. I have very mixed feelings about fancy dress parties for the following reasons -

1. they are more expensive than regular parties because the costume must be bought/hired/constructed (and yes it must, because there is no higher insult to everyone you know than to not wear fancy dress to a fancy dress party)

2. there's always a fine line between 'awesome costume' and 'trying too hard.' This line also branches off to visit 'great costume which makes you look like a troll.' Which is theoretically fine and dandy as I am not attempting to initiate a work romance (although according to past experience apparently sometimes you don't even need to do that much), but still not ideal. Which leads me to -

I just misheard an ad for some toothpaste or other, and it said, "Recommended by Dentists!" and for a solid second or so I totally thought it was "Recommended by Jesus!" which would surely be the ultimate in celebrity endorsement. Anyway, that wasn't what I was going to say, I was going for -

4. girls who wear an outfit in which theme takes a firm second place to sluttiness - these people annoy me. Mainly because I know I couldn't pull it off, but that is beside the point. Surely they annoy everyone, not just me? With the possible exception of the gentlemen.

5. there is always that one guy who wears something completely inappropriate and makes everyone except his irritating friends feel uncomfortable. I won't refer to him by his real name in order to protect his privacy; instead I shall call him Richard the Twat. (Not his real name.) At the last party RtT wore a skintight lycra suit and was a drunken tosser and tried to chat up many females (and possibly males) and was met with a mixture of amusement, disdain and nausea. Mainly nausea. He's going to be exactly the same at this party, except instead of the lycra bodysuit he'll be in a small strip of leopard-print material and a G-string (it is a Heroes and Villains party and he is going as Tarzan). Ew! Ew ew ew! Sorry about the rant, but I don't like him anyway and his mammoth ego does not help. Perhaps I shall get drunk and accidentally kick him in the balls.

So yes - fancy dress party. The good things are that I have a costume which I like (photos after party) and none of my 'pod' (or, in fact the surrounding pods (or, in fact, the rest of the company)) are going to do any work on Friday. As opposed to the whacking great amount of work that we do anyway.

I am going to have a nana nap now and wake up in time for Prison Break, and probably forget to put the rubbish out. And then tomorrow I resign! Scary. But good, 'looking into the future,' scary, not bad, 'Richard the Twat in a Tarzan outfit' scary. Ew. I hope my career prospects never resemble RtT. Figuratively or otherwise.

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