*if you missed it, here's part one
'Two Arrested Over Cheese Heist'
A man and woman face burglary and drugs charges after being arrested for a cheese heist in Manawatu today.
The arrests came after a rail worker spotted people acting suspiciously on a track near Halcombe, northwest of Palmerston North, about 7am.
They drove away in a car throwing blocks of cheese out the window as they went, but were stopped by police and arrested soon afterwards.
Eight 20kg blocks were recovered in the area and another five were found further northwest near Marton, said police spokeswoman Kim Perks [ ... ] Ms Perks said after the train, which had been carrying the cheese, arrived in Auckland today it was discovered that five of its containers had been broken into.
Investigations were continuing as to what else may be missing from the cargo.
Police said this morning it was believed passers-by had helped themselves to cheese blocks found by the roadside.
Objective accomplished! Cheese for the people! I am writing a movie script based on this. It will be ready tomorrow.
On another note, I have 40 followers! Thank you, everyone who has followed me. Even those of you who no longer read my blog (you don't know who you are). Getting more followers makes my day - I am not kidding. So thank you.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Robin Hood of Cheese*
*Alternate titles: GRITTY JOURNALISM; THIEVES GET AWAY WITH GOUDA
Stories like this make me love working in the media. This is directly copied from an NZ news site. I don't even have to do anything to make it funny.
"Cheese Flies as Thieves Flee"
Suspected thieves drove through rural Manawatu back roads throwing boxes of cheese from their vehicle.
A member of the public saw two men loading boxes, each believed to contain several 10 kilogram cheese blocks, into their vehicle this morning. The member of the public then kept watch on the vehicle as the occupants threw boxes out the window on back roads.
Many blocks of cheese disintegrated when they hit the road. It is, however, believed a number might have survived and could have been picked up by other members of the public.
Two men are assisting police with their inquiries and two more are still being sought. Police are making inquiries to establish where the cheese came from.
Anyone who found a block of cheese is asked to contact police.
"It will be easily identifiable by the level of road grit found in the contents when eaten," police said.
Stories like this make me love working in the media. This is directly copied from an NZ news site. I don't even have to do anything to make it funny.
"Cheese Flies as Thieves Flee"
Suspected thieves drove through rural Manawatu back roads throwing boxes of cheese from their vehicle.
A member of the public saw two men loading boxes, each believed to contain several 10 kilogram cheese blocks, into their vehicle this morning. The member of the public then kept watch on the vehicle as the occupants threw boxes out the window on back roads.
Many blocks of cheese disintegrated when they hit the road. It is, however, believed a number might have survived and could have been picked up by other members of the public.
Two men are assisting police with their inquiries and two more are still being sought. Police are making inquiries to establish where the cheese came from.
Anyone who found a block of cheese is asked to contact police.
"It will be easily identifiable by the level of road grit found in the contents when eaten," police said.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Work Gripes
I am back up and running! Well. I am still weak as a kitten, but can now cough with confidence. I am at work, anyway, which implies a certain level of health - in celebration of Cup Day today our office is holding an abomination called, "Project Happy Hat." You are meant to make/wear/bring/SPORT a hat. Presumably this is meant to make you happy? I was intending to make a hat at some point but did not follow through on this as I was too busy following through on burps. (Gross.) So everyone is glaring at me and my lack of team spirit - I have mollified them somewhat by popping out to get chips and dip for morning tea, but my lack of interest in Project Happy Hat has turned me into a Bad Hat.
As well as PHH (that noise is exactly how I feel about making and wearing a Happy Hat) I have to attend a seminar on OOS, or "How not to sit at your desk." Did you know that unless your desk is parallel to your thighs, which are parallel to your forearms, which are parallel to your monitor, which is parallel to the MOON, your carpal tunnels will solidify and all of your fingers will fall off, in the middle of an important meeting with a client? No, neither did I. Why would you want to be sitting at your desk making money when you could be sitting in a seminar learning about the perfect desk-to-chair ratio? However, I intend to make the most of the seminar by asking interesting questions like "If I get RSI from masturbating am I eligible for compensation, provided the masturbation takes place at work?" and "Should I be shifting regularly from buttock to buttock? Because I am," and "Couldn't this have been covered in a memo?"
(Apologies to any dear readers - and there is at least one of them - who spends their days perfecting software designed to prevent RSI and OOS and PHH. I know, I know, I'm like one of those people who say global warming is bollocks, and one day the OOS will get me, and my fingers will fall off, right in the middle of an important client meeting. And then you can say, I told you so.)
Also, I will get around to telling you about the wedding soon.
(I just accidentally snapped at colleague who asked me where my Happy Hat was. I GUESS WITH ALL THE VOMITING THERE HAS BEEN LITTLE TIME FOR MILLINERY.)
As well as PHH (that noise is exactly how I feel about making and wearing a Happy Hat) I have to attend a seminar on OOS, or "How not to sit at your desk." Did you know that unless your desk is parallel to your thighs, which are parallel to your forearms, which are parallel to your monitor, which is parallel to the MOON, your carpal tunnels will solidify and all of your fingers will fall off, in the middle of an important meeting with a client? No, neither did I. Why would you want to be sitting at your desk making money when you could be sitting in a seminar learning about the perfect desk-to-chair ratio? However, I intend to make the most of the seminar by asking interesting questions like "If I get RSI from masturbating am I eligible for compensation, provided the masturbation takes place at work?" and "Should I be shifting regularly from buttock to buttock? Because I am," and "Couldn't this have been covered in a memo?"
(Apologies to any dear readers - and there is at least one of them - who spends their days perfecting software designed to prevent RSI and OOS and PHH. I know, I know, I'm like one of those people who say global warming is bollocks, and one day the OOS will get me, and my fingers will fall off, right in the middle of an important client meeting. And then you can say, I told you so.)
Also, I will get around to telling you about the wedding soon.
(I just accidentally snapped at colleague who asked me where my Happy Hat was. I GUESS WITH ALL THE VOMITING THERE HAS BEEN LITTLE TIME FOR MILLINERY.)
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Go away, I'm sick
Hi everyone. I feel disgusting.
I hate being sick. I become a Very Small Person and lie around meekly flapping my arms and trying not to be too much of an inconvenience. I had to be driven home at 4am, and was told off for saying, "If it's OK could you just pull over at the next convenient place please?" rather than "STOP THE CAR I'M GOING TO BE SICK," which is apparently what you say. Is not my fault I was brought up to be polite. Did not vomit in the car, either. Whole thing was very embarrassing, especially as I had started the evening intending to be gorgeous and charming, but must have looked like a drunk, hanging out of passenger door at 4am and - actually I don't think I'll finish that 'word picture'.
So anyway it turns out that when I was sick on Thursday it wasn't a one-off thing, I have some kind of a stomach bug which means I spend all day deciding which end of me to point at the toilet. IT'S SO GREAT. I hate everything and I am going back to bed now.
Will tell you all about the wedding later when need to vomit is less urgent. I was pretty socially awkward but there were ponies.
I hate being sick. I become a Very Small Person and lie around meekly flapping my arms and trying not to be too much of an inconvenience. I had to be driven home at 4am, and was told off for saying, "If it's OK could you just pull over at the next convenient place please?" rather than "STOP THE CAR I'M GOING TO BE SICK," which is apparently what you say. Is not my fault I was brought up to be polite. Did not vomit in the car, either. Whole thing was very embarrassing, especially as I had started the evening intending to be gorgeous and charming, but must have looked like a drunk, hanging out of passenger door at 4am and - actually I don't think I'll finish that 'word picture'.
So anyway it turns out that when I was sick on Thursday it wasn't a one-off thing, I have some kind of a stomach bug which means I spend all day deciding which end of me to point at the toilet. IT'S SO GREAT. I hate everything and I am going back to bed now.
Will tell you all about the wedding later when need to vomit is less urgent. I was pretty socially awkward but there were ponies.
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