Monday, April 27, 2009

music/biology/literature*

*original title: songs/bugs/vampires

Andrea suggested yesterday that I make a list of Inappropriate Songs to Make Love To. "It would be inappropriate on my blog," she said. Anyway, the following songs are definitely not baby-makin' music. Feel free to add to this list.

- 'Don't Stop Me Now' (I'm having such a good time!)
- 'Baby Got Back' ('Fat Bottomed Girls' is also not a good choice)
- 'The Macarena' (especially if you do the actions. see also: 'the Birdie Dance')
- 'Lily the Pink'
- 'Keep On Movin''
- 'Uptown Girl'
- 'Man! I feel like a woman'
- 'Leader of the Pack' (especially if you make the motorbike noises)
- 'Who let the dogs out' (and anything else that has a couple of beats of silence before launching back into the chorus)
- 'The Point of No Return' (although if you timed it right it could be pretty epic - 'I Like The Way You Move' and 'Javert's Suicide' from Les Mis also fall into this category)

Stand-up comedy is also not a good thing to leave on in the background. Neither is any song that encourages that classic despoiler of romance, Inappropriate Air Guitar. (You think I'm kidding about IAG, don't you.)

Have decided that all weird insect behaviour makes a lot more sense when you factor in insect gameshows. Like when a bee is trying to get in the house, or flying around your head, he is probably on Bee Who Dares Wins. And when a spider abseils down from the ceiling and tries to land on your face, he's probably squeezing his eyes closed and trying desperately to remember what 50k in spider money would mean to his family.

I am currently reading 'Twelve' by cba actually getting the book and checking but if anyone cares I'll add it later. The basic premise is this: Russia in 1812, from the point of view of undercover Russian soldiers trying to sabotage the activities of the ever-advancing French army. Also there are - wait for it - vampires. It's actually a lot better than I thought it was going to be - read a truly awful book once called 'New World Order,' in which the English Civil War was interrupted by a random faction of time-and-or-space-travelling caveman people from the futuuuure. It was truly truly awful. But the 'again, with vampires' version of the war of 1812 is actually pretty entertaining.

It began as a desperate attempt to keep the ever-approaching French army at bay, but it ended as a war against an ancient enemy of humanity itself. (Not the actual tagline, but it was something like that.)

I just accidentally flashed the postman.

12 comments:

a cat of impossible colour said...

Ernie who drove the Fastest Milkcart in the West should also be on there. Also You Can't Hurry Love.

Maybe spider I squished was on Spider Surviror? 'Survivor Under-Fridge.'

IT IS ALLY said...

The tribe has spoken.

IT IS ALLY said...

CSI: Wasp Nest

featuring small ginger wasp with little wasp sunglasses

Christina said...

"Don't stop me now" always reminds me of that scene of Shaun of the Dead where they're bashing zombies. I think what impressed me most was that they were doing it in time to the music. That is panache.

Clasynar - a classy version of nasal plugs for sophisticated European heiresses.

sleep500 said...

You once told me you were fucking along to music and then "Drips" by Eminem came on and you were all, "..."

IT IS ALLY said...

sleep500 I am pretty sure it was someone else who told you that. It's the sort of story that I would tell but I don't know that song.

Nice use of the phrase 'fucking along to' though. I approve

queenofthecastle said...

LOL @ 'Man I feel like a woman'.

'Jesse Hold On' (actually that might be really appropriate)
'Catch My Disease'
'All the Small Things'
'Erase and Rewind'
'I Love My dog as much as I Love You'
'Someone's Watching Over Me'
'I Kissed a Girl' (if you're the guy in the equation, otherwise you'd probably just turn him on more)
'Mama'

A good game to play with song titles is 'In My Pants'. It makes pretty much any but the most innocent song sound dodgy. Basically you pick a song title then add 'in my pants' on the end. Hours of fun, provided your sense of humour is juvenile enough!

IT IS ALLY said...

Hahaha!

Ain't No Sunshine (In my Pants)

Anything Goes (In my Pants)

IT IS ALLY said...

Also, Brooke, I used to have a boyfriend called Jesse. Now I have the giggles

Gary said...

You seam to have a difficult time supressing your desire to be nude in front of strangers.

IT IS ALLY said...

Dude it's always usually accidental

queenofthecastle said...

@ Ally: Now I have the giggles too, and I don't even know anyone called Jesse!