This is quite dull

I really have no news except that Google, which displays ads specifically geared towards my viewing preferences, thinks I might like a recipe for 'Spam Vegetable Strudel.' Seriously, Google, I don't even kn- oh, it's served with soy sauce? Well OK then.

So I'm going to take the traditional route when faced with a dearth of blog material: respond to a questionnaire I was tagged in ages ago. Or, in this case, respond to a questionnaire that I wasn't even tagged in in the first place. (I know, it's going to be boring. I received a request yesterday that said "do you think you could maybe not use strikethrough for a couple of posts and see if it doesn't kill you," so I don't even have that to fall back on.
Look! Look what I'm doing! Ha ha, fuckface!
Anyway, for the quiz. Here are the 'rules' (I say 'rules' because I'm not planning on abiding by them) for this quiz, which I stole off Andrea:

1. Respond and rework. Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention; add a question of your own.

2. Tag eight other un-tagged people. Andrea didn't do this, and as she is my BestFriend and role model I am not going to do it either

What is your current obsession?
New book I have just started working on, having realised that completing old book would be kind of like spending 10 years making a sculpture out of Lego. No matter how awesome it is it is still on some level Not Really Art. Anyway this backfired because it turns out new book actually involves research and even though one of my extremely over-indulgent friends is doing most of the data monkey crap for me (he made graphs and everything - I may have to marry him) there is still research. I actually had to go to the library today. Seriously.

I am also obsessed with an $840 jacket from Andrea Moore. I was going to find a picture of it but then I got bored & realised that probably no-one would care anyway. Just imagine a full-length, fitted pirate's coat - long long cuffs, huge collar, those tuck things at the back. In charcoal. If anyone would like to give me $840 then by all means feel free - if it makes you feel better we can pretend it's for a child in Africa.


Do you nap a lot?

I am Sir Nap-a-lot. My mother and sister hate it, though, and wake me up whenever they catch me at it. My favourite place to nap, not that you asked, is on the floor with the dog. He is also a napper.


Who was the last person you hugged?
Charlie. Although actually he is a dog.


What's for dinner?
We have had dinner, and it was Toad in the Hole. Truly, the British have a talent for creating dishes that sound foul and look worse (see also: Spotted Dick) but which turn out to be nothing short of delicious. I cooked the Toad in the Hole (it is actually sausages in Yorkshire pudding, which is a sort of batter) and here is a photograph of it, which I made my mother take because I was so proud of myself. She said: "Please tell me you are not going to show that off on the Internet."

See? Looks nothing like actual toads, in hole or otherwise. Is clearly sausages.


What was the last thing you bought?
I...I'm not sure.


What are you listening to right now?
Damn! I hate that question but already used up my take-out-a-question on 'favourite coffee place.' Never mind. I'm just not going to answer it.


What is your favourite weather?
Really heavy storms. Obviously I am a tortured artist and NO - DON'T EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME - I AM GOING OUTSIDE NOW - TO WRITE - HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY CIGARETTES


What's on your bedside table?
Well, it's kind of a funny story - this one time I woke up at 3am and vomited half-digested Indian food out my window and stood on the bedside table in my urgency and now I no longer have a bedside table. But on the corner of my desk are the following things: phone shaped like a baby bok choi (not plugged in to anything but there regardless); a coffee plunger with grounds in the bottom; a coffee cup (empty); an iPod (mine); two pairs of eyelash curlers (hmm); various scribbled notes (the one on the top of the pile says 'I know you're a vampire but damn, put some pants on'); a Spanish dictionary; a small plastic statue of a Collie.

Say something to the person/s who tagged you.
I tagged myself and that is pretty much the first sign of madness so I think we'll skip that question too


If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be?
Good question. Probably somewhere in rural Spain. Why not, after all? They have wine and paella and good-looking men, and I speak more of that language than any other apart from English. Also they're tucked snugly up under the rest of Europe. Europe is Spain's blanky. And they have oranges.


Favourite vacation spot?
Any spot at which I do not have to vacation with other people and where there is a bar.


Name the things you can’t live without.
I presume they mean figuratively, although there is always some smartass who is all 'air and water nyuk nyuk nyuk.' Um...to be honest, I don't really know. Friends and family. Air and water. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.


What would you like to have in your hands right now?
A black AMEX that I never had to pay back. I realise that sounds a little materialistic, but...yeah OK it is. OH WELL


What is your favourite tea flavour?
I like many. English Breakfast is, you know, a classic. The (insert appropriate make of car here) of tea. Earl Grey with lemon is delicious; Earl Grey with Cointreau is super-delicious but people look at you weirdly when you say that (you know, that 'you're-an-alcoholic' look). Green tea with jasmine is nice; green tea without jasmine is nicer. Rooibos is nice, but only with soy milk; coconut rooibos is nice, but only without any milk at all. Kate drinks a tea called 'be happy.' "Are you happy?" I asked? "Well," she said, "I'm not unhappy."


What would you like to get rid of?
The long-dead rose which has been sitting droopily in a vase on my desk for literally weeks but which I haven't yet got around to throwing out. Actually, I'm going to do that now.


If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Either Wellington, or Vegas (via Denmark to pick up a passenger, because Vegas is no fun on your own and you can't even tell anyone about all the cool stuff that happened there because of that dumb rule). Also in this imaginary situation there would be lots of money and should Vegas turn out to be fun the hour could be extended indefinitely.


What did you want to become as a child?
I don't believe I was ever any more specific than 'awesome.'


What do you miss?
Oh, yeah, quiz, let's get all personal, shall we? I miss having a regular paycheck, and also some dead people. Not that I would like to have them back, unless they were alive. Or benign zombies. That would be OK.


What are you reading right now?
Where Underpants Come From, in which Joe Bennett answers that age-old question. (Not to spoil the ending, but it's China.) The book's very good, actually; would recommend. JB goes to China and has lots of adventures, most of but not all of which revolve around his underpants.


What do you fear the most?
Mediocrity.


What designer piece of clothing would you most like to own (new or vintage)?
Right now? That Andrea Moore pirate coat. But I'm pretty sure if I thought about it I would be able to come up with a better answer.


What is the coolest thing you saw today? (Question by me.)
Well, Ally, funny you should ask that! (Stop it! That's the first sign.) It is this wedding cake. It is from Pink Cake Box, and if I ever need a cake I am going to go and ask them. In fact when my research assistant and I get married Pink Cake Box is going to make my enormous, graph-shaped cake. (where y = affection and x = time)



Tomorrow: an action shot of me getting hit in the arse with a snowball.

EDIT: Shut up NT, Toad in the Hole is meant to look like that.

MORE EDIT: LOOK LOOK at my new clock it's over there --> and up a bit. If you don't get it well come on it's the guy from Prison Break. Prison Break. I wrote 4000 words today and yet I am more proud of constructing that pun than of any of those other words.