Monday, August 03, 2009

Under Pressure

Good gracious! One little mention from Mr London Street and my list of followers literally doubles overnight. Hello, new everyone! Am I famous? I feel famous.* Hello, new readers, and thank you for following me, if you have. (Old readers/followers: I haven't forgotten about you, but you're not as new and exciting right now.)

Anyway, if you're new, go over to Reasons to Read, it's educational.

And now, following a time-honoured tradition of writing crap on the one day people are actually reading it, I'm just going to do a short Three Beautiful Things post because I got STD (Shit To Do.) I really need to stop making up my own acronyms.

3BT

1. I went to see An Education at the film festival last night - I'd recommend it as not only is it very well cast but it's much more entertaining than I usually expect festival/arts films to be. The screenplay -which is very good - is by Nick Hornby, but don't let that put you off as he manages to restrain himself remarkably well throughout. Bonus: it's British, so no subtitles. Although when we went to see it there was an absolutely abhorrent, and I'm sorry if any of you were involved in making it but you really should have known better, NZ short film called The Six Dollar Fifty Man. Never see this, it is shite.

2. At the film festival, I saw Gorgeous Will! GW is a man I used to see all the time when I lived in Wellington, but as I only saw him when I was by myself no-one believed he was real. (I should probably note that I never spoke to GW, just saw him about all the time - waiting rooms at job interviews, wine tastings, bars and cafes. Should also probably note that his name may not actually be Will, but he looks like a Will.) I did see him in the supermarket once, when I was with my flatmate - I hissed, "That's him! That's Gorgeous Will!" but all she did was say "Where?" and then, eventually, "He's not really that gorgeous, he has small eyes," and then he was never quite the same. Never share your gorgeous strangers. Anyway, GW sat in front of me at the film last night - I was highly tempted to say hello and ask what he was doing in Christchurch, but then I remembered that I don't actually know him. Oh well, is nice to have him back, like the neighbours' cat that visits every so often, or a lone pubic hair that moves around the shower. If I see him again, maybe I'll say Hi. But probably not (small eyes, small eyes.)

3. I did my periodic check of Google searches that bring people to this blog yesterday - as well as the usual quota of "today is my birthday" there were four startling new entries! Four startlingly awesome new entries. Here they are:

"ant fucking" - this is a little weird but, I suppose, allowable and after all I did write that post about ants so ant stuff is kind of OK.

"i fuck my ant" - OK woah, not that kind of ant stuff, that is not OK. Let's hope that's a typo. Wait. Maybe it's actually less disturbing if it's not a typo. I have no idea but hey, if you're enjoying my blog and it's distracting you from other, less savoury activities then, um, hi.

"australians, don't fuck with them" - I'm pretty sure I never said that but OK, rather your ant than an Australian I suppose

and, hilariously, "it's not offensive" - just in case you were worried that my blog might have a tendency towards the offensive, what with all the ant fucking and whatnot.


*I'm not famous, am I.

EDIT: Holy crap, I just checked again and someone else got here through Googling "I what to fuck my ant." I'm now pretty sure that 'ant' is a horrible typo, and also that it's been the same person each time. Because really, how likely is it that three poor spellers are going to be simultaneously Googling the same branch of incest on one day?* (What would I know, perhaps there's a convention on.)

Someone out there either has a very sick mind or a very hot aunt.

Also, why do they keep clicking through to my blog? It's clearly not dedicated to the subject they are researching. How can I help, oh lost potential ant-fucker? Are you in need of spiritual guidance? Suggestions of how to delicately broach the subject? Literature? Video footage? (I can't help you with the last two.)

*you will note I have resisted the temptation to make a pun about how these Google searches could be 'related'

14 comments:

TC said...

I am very happy that Mr. London Street (écrivain extraodinaire) has directed the blogging masses your way! You are horrendously under-followed. It's a travesty of justice...well, maybe not justice, let's save that for the wrongfully imprisoned types...but a travesty of something, to be sure.

mysterg said...

Yeah, you're right, it must be a typo. They probably did mean "I fuck my aunt".

After all, who would fuck an ant? They're tighter than a Gnat's chuff.

kristine said...

oh, I am glad Mr LS mentioned you, am enjoying reading your posts. Your google search results are hilarious/disturbing. I havent yet come across any posts where you talk about ant fucking, but I shall keep searching...

ZenMom said...

Psst. Mr. LS sent me.

And I'm so thankful. :)

expateek said...

I love Gorgeous Will and his small eyes. I once made a similar mistake, telling a friend I was all crushy over a guy named [redacted]. She agreed, sort of. "Gawh, yeah. He has such a ripped body, but I'd only do him if he had a paper bag over his head."

I thought that was unkind and weird of her, a little, especially because crumpled paper is so noisy in bed. Plus I never felt quite the same about [redacted] after that. Fantasy ruined.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

Well, you can add another one thanks to Mr Street. Your blog is indeed, awesome. And hey, you're using basically the same template as me, so you obviously rock.

Mr London Street said...

You are so, so right about sharing your gorgeous strangers. No joke I have ever told has ever got quite so big a laugh as when I confessed to a passing interest in a girl at college who was subsequently dubbed 'unfriendly woman'. And that was them being very kind.

I like the way I have to come all the way to your blog to find myself being described as an ecrivain extraordinaire.

WV: deporg - a warehouse full of cyborgs.

Baglady said...

Remember me? I was here way before any of those newbies! Sure, I've been a bit lax on the "leaving witty comments" front lately but I don't think that should at all diminish the relationship we had.


wv=thrusal. A type of ant fucking where the thrusts are especially arousing due to a little bit of ant sting being released.

IT IS ALLY said...

TC - Champion the cause! Tell you friends! No, don't, I will get an enormous head and blog about being champion of the blogosphere or something. Thank you, though, it's nice to know people enjoy reading.

mysterg - I can tell you are from MLS's inner circle. It may have been the phrase 'chuff.' Also, why would you assume an aunt would not also be tight? How, um, anti-aunt.

kristine - over to the right, in 'reasons to read,' 'Ants' should suit all your ant-info requirements. And I'm glad you're enjoying the blog! :D

ZenMom - thank you! MLS has done me a good deed today, although I'm not used to such polite, charitable readers.

T.e.e.H.: it is by far the best template. although sometimes I become bored and think, "ick! perhaps I should change this!" but then I wonder about how it would affect my readers' fragile psyches. Let me know what effect this would have.

expateek, Mr LS - yes indeed. I should never have shared GW. I should also never have shared the cute blond boy at the DVD store, because now I can't go in there without friends nudging me and shouting out things like, "Didn't you want to see this, Ally?" and holding up something rude. I have decided that on the whole it is better to keep these things to oneself.

Baglady - of course I haven't forgotten you, and your loyal service over the years (ha ha ha). To be honest all these new people are quite overwhelming. (Don't read this bit, new people.) They are like shiny new shoes which are exciting and which you want to show off, but which are difficult to walk in and might rub ever so slightly at the back; whereas you are a pair of ever-reliable black heels which are comfortable and match everything, and will be put on when all the fancy new shoes have been thrown to the side in disgust. Not that I wish to wear you, I may have carried that analogy a little far. Also it was meant to be more flattering - the black heels are very stylish of course.

Luckily my mummy has just arrived and dumped a hot water bottle in my lap so I will stop rambling. I love my Mummy!

IT IS ALLY said...

Also, MLS and Baglady: you do have the distinction of consistently producing excellent word verification definitions. Good Job!

Esmerelda said...

I am glad Mr. London Street mentioned you too. 20 followers is still too small a number. Your genius will be found and celebrated, oh yes it will. Though I hope the ant/aunts stay home.

Kaileigh said...

LOL, I love reading what brings people to blogs from google... yet so disturbing as well :(

Mary said...

Today is my birthday brought me here today. Because it is, well, my birthday. And I got to learn something brand new about ants.

IT IS ALLY said...

Esmerelda - unfortunately all of this attention is going to give me an enormously expanded head. Thank you, though!

Kaileigh - I know, it's always entertaining. Disturbing, but entertaining.

Mary - yay! Thank you for visiting, and for commenting, and happy birthday :)