PORK IS TOO A VERB

I have NOTHING interesting or funny to write about today OH NO

Zach, who is sometime helpful, said "post some dix" and then "POST TITS" and then "perhaps you should post some phallus" in what scientists apparently refer to as 'sneaky alliteration' but I'm not sure whether we ALL need to have dix pix on our blogs.

BUT THEN AGAIN MAYBE WE DO

THANKS DICKPICS.COM


...I just realised that would mean downloading dix on my mother's computer and although presumably she appreciates a good penis as much as the next woman I'm not sure she wants them on her hard drive, if you'll pardon the pun. So you're just going to have to imagine one or maybe take a look down your trousers or, you know, I just gave you the web address up there, or as a last resort Zach has one that he drew a face on available to view here, apparently it's not his own though (I cannot verify this). SORRY ABOUT THE NO DIX.

Man, I would actually really like to see a brass band composed entirely of midgets. That's going to be my topic of conversation at family dinner tonight. That and "imagine if you were in a situation where you could only be rescued by farting SOS in Morse Code?" which is an interesting hypothetical. I love family dinner, it's all "Oh Alice what are you doing now" this (my family sometimes calls me Alice because it's only been 8 years since I started going by Ally and they're not used to it yet) and "So what are your plans, Alice?" that and then I say "Frankly I'll consider myself lucky if I reach 50 without going to the emergency room because I have something stuck up my butt" and then we talk about something else, like my sister's love life.

In other news I gotta go to Wellington for a weekend sometime this month because my expensive makeup is about to run out and it's not stocked in Christchurch, that is how fucking high-maintenance I am, and there's no way I'm ordering that shit in because BABY WANTS A PLANE RIDE. Anyone wanna come? BYO everything.