Saturday, December 19, 2009

3D PORN IS THE FUTURE

I was going to go and see Avatar in 3-D (is it old fashioned to put a dash between the 3 and the D, am I showing my age?) but I didn't and so there's no story there HOWEVER it did spark off a conversation which went (more or less) like this:

Owen: "3D movies, 3D tvs... 3D porn?"
me: "OH MY GOD 3D PORN"

Seriously. There is huge money to be made here. Loads of money. Wads of money. Assloads of money. Money shots. Of money.

I mean, really, whose (adult) cinema-going experience wouldn't be improved by an enormous pair of breasts coming out of the screen and hugging your face? There might be a brief moment of worry about getting your eyes poked out but I imagine you'd get over that fairly fast. Regular porn would obviously benefit hugely - it'd be just like being there! - but I think it's the fetishists who have the most to gain from this.

For a start, genki - it's eel porn, someone call PeTA - would be completely overhauled. I haven't watched a lot of eel porn myself but I imagine it would be kind of like watching the Harry Potter with the basilisk but the basilisk is doing something R18 with one of the Weasley twins and then there is a snake LEAPING OUT OF SOMEONE'S BUTT RIGHT INTO YOUR FACE! Quick, someone call their agent.

Instant upgrade for S&M, too - can imagine whole cinemas of scared men in tight trousers recoiling at a nicely placed whip-crack, then crawling up the aisles and grovelling in front of the screen. (Sorry if this is your chosen field and my stereotypical judgments are offending you, but SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE BITCH, DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK YET?)

Bukkake would be terrifying.


I'm just saying - if you, dear reader, are in the adult film business (and I wouldn't put it past some of you) then now is the time. I don't even want any money out of this. I just want to know that someone, somewhere, has just jumped a mile because an enormous wang has shot out of the screen at them.

Pun fully intended.

4 comments:

Mr London Street said...

I can see it now: Two girls, one cup, 3D.

Chilling.

IT IS ALLY said...

ahhhh christ I hadn't even thought of that! that's not porn, that's horror. quick, someone mention goatse

otherworldlyone said...

You are...insane. And absolutely fucking hilarious.

IT IS ALLY said...

ow1 - IT IS THE FUTURRRRE