Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Tase the Baby!

WEINERS OF THE WEEK - this is a new feature. If you like it I'll do it EVERY TUESDAY unless I am busy, or forget.

In no particular order, allow me to present this week's weiners:

Parents of naked children. If you are at the beach and see the odd naked baby, well that is just fine. If you are at a restaurant near the beach and there are naked toddlers playing under the deli counter, that's different. I don't care how much of a soft-headed free-spirited tofu-chugging earth mother you are, I don't want to see your child's genitals while I'm trying to eat my meal. Or at any other time.

All buskers. It is a well-established fact that 95% of buskers are weiners, but this week I'd like to feature the teenage girl who was on the front page of the paper a week before Christmas complaining that a 'grinch' had shut her down. She'd been playing using amplifying equipment, which you aren't allowed to do, and someone had complained about the racket, so the council asked her to stop. (Next time that someone catches me breaking the rules and mentions it to the authorities I am also going to whinge to the media.) Sadly, this month the World Buskers Festival is on in Christchurch, so every time I step outside I'm going to be harassed to hold a ladder then hand over $5.

The Black Eyed Peas - Fill up my cup! Mazeltov! WEINERS

Fast food restaurants who don't put enough mayonnaise on their burgers, but if you ask for extra there is way too much. It is not that difficult. Unless, apparently, you're a weiner.

This guy who, when confronted by Taser-wielding police, held up an infant and said, "Tase the baby!" (That being said, "Tase the baby!" is my new catchphrase for 2010.)

Orlando Bloom, who spilt wine on his shirt at a restaurant and, when an employee arrived with three (3) new shirts, instead of retiring to the bathrooms to change like a normal person, just whipped off his shirt in the restaurant, presumably while flexing for all he was worth. What a weiner.

Robert Pattinson, who chipped a tooth flossing - what a total weiner.

John Mayer. I don't even know where to start with John Mayer, he is always Weiner of the Week. If you have any lingering doubts about his inherent douchebaggery you should read this article, or any other article where he says anything, or his Twitter feed, or maybe you could listen to some of his music, that'll do it too. Go away, John Mayer.

Feel free to nominate weiners for next week's edition! Not your own, I don't want to see that.


Mr London Street said...

It could catch on, but then so could quail felching. Who knows what the next big thing is going to be?

IT IS ALLY said...

Funny you should say that! I'm starting a group. You're going to love it.

otherworldlyone said...

I like it. Go weiners.

But this felching business...sigh. You bitches are crazy.

Judearoo said...

Excellent! Especially 'Tase the Baby'. Too too good.

Esmerelda said...

I will readily agree that John Mayer is a weiner. On the other hand (or flipper, as it were), he is easy on the eyes. Perhpas he sometimes resembles a serial killer. Maybe he's heavily photoshopped to look like a handsome devil. Either way, if only he knew that eye candy should never, ever speak. or tweet.

Esmerelda said...

and obviously, I meant PERHAPS. not perhpas. duh.

(hoping this doesn't make me a weiner)

Juli Ryan said...

I agree with all of the above. Especially The Black-Eyed Peas.