Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Born Free*

*I totally can't remember if I've already blogged about the piglet.

Phone rings.

Me: "Welcome to [paper], you're speaking with Ally."
Farmer Voice: "Yep. I placed a Found ad for a piglet earlier this afternoon. Can I cancel that?"
Me: "Sure! Has someone claimed it?"
Him: "Nah. It escaped."

Going to be in Wellington this weekend! I like being in Wellington, it tastes like freedom, just like that piglet is going to when it is eventually recaptured and baconised.* (Christchurch tastes like being a responsible citizen.) It is the usual unplanned trip based on cheap ticket prices and bogan-themed party.

What do you wear to a bogan-themed party? I am thinking band t-shirt (but not, you know, a trendy band), black skinny jeans, some kind of shoe with holes in, and too much eyeliner and hair product. Had a look at the wikihow for "How to be a Good Bogan" and "How to be an Awesome Bogan," but they were both heavily geared towards the male of the species. Perhaps there is not a big market for lady bogans. Boganesses. Also, do I get all boganed up on the plane? (I have a Friday night flight, straight after work. I'm pretty sure I have time to make it to the airport.)

Back home on Valentine's Day, though, because of brass band concert in the afternoon. What could be more romantic than a brass band?

*alternate scenario for the soft-hearted: piglet escapes into a nearby forest, where it is adopted by a friendly pack of wild boar who teach it the laws of the jungle. Piglet, which has always had low self-esteem due to the merciless bullying which prompted his initial flight, blossoms under the mentorship of the pack leader. Piglet eventually takes over leadership of the boar pack and lives a long and happy life and is not eaten at all (until he dies of natural causes and is devoured by his former friends, as is the law of the jungle.)

10 comments:

chris.dadness said...

"Nah. It escaped". Gold!

Darnielle said...

Just go naked. Everyone loves a naked bogan.

Or maybe it's just me. Hmm.

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

Mmmmmm bacon. But such a cute piglet. Still, I don't think cute piglet is enough for me to give up bacon. I am such a bad vegetarian! And, for us non-Kiwi's, what is a bogan?

Maren said...

I second the question. Define bogan!

IT IS ALLY said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bogan

I think bogans are kind of like hillbillies.

They like metal and marijuana and beer and growing straggly beards and small-time-crime and having loud parties and shagging in vans and, you know, that sort of thing. Sometimes they have mullets.

IT IS ALLY said...

It has been suggested that lady bogans wear leopard print tops with a clashing bra peeking out, low slung jeans, and a pierced belly button. If that helps any.

Christine said...

I had to look up bogan too. It seems a much less offensive term (comming as it does, from a pretty, though prolific plant) than the north american equivalents redneck or (even worse) white trash. So bad.

I know someone who cut her (actual real) hair into a mullet to raise money for charity. She wore it that way for a whole day before cracking and shaving her head. It was pretty awesome.

Ashley Louise said...

In America we call them people of walmart. http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
I work them all.

Also I did not know that New Zealand had so many wild boar infested jungles. You guys should add that to the tourist booklets.

Also Tea shall be at my house by Friday, so I'll mail it off Saturday!

Ashley Louise said...

that is supposed to be work with them all. And no I am not joking.

Leslie said...

I love a good "white trash" party, budweiser t-shirt, wretched pants, platform sneakers, maybe a blacked out tooth or 2, or a fake pregnancy bump that takes on new meaning if you smoke and drink at the party!! Have a blast!!