Friday, February 12, 2010

Crapperties*

*properties which are not so good.

I never want to do a real estate ad ever again. Here are some misinterpretable treats from this morning's lot -

"A magical kitchen equipped with all the pleasures." - if you open the third drawer down a portal to Sexy Narnia (it's like regular Narnia, but... sexy) appears

"Super natural environment" - there is a ghost in the toilet! there is a ghost in the toilet!

"Great investment with an upside" - because everyone knows that, left to themselves, great investments kind of really suck

"[price] includes workshop, mature gardens, and picturesque views." - awesome! I thought the views were extra.

"Are you thinking of selling your bus?" - I don't even have a bus! I would like to sell my business, though

"Owners committed elsewhere" - I guess at least they haven't been committed on the property

"a magic garden to enjoy [...] come see- come sigh!" - "These mushrooms have absorbed the garden's magicness!"

"landscaped easy care grounds with a boundary of expanse space." - every week, there is one estate agent whose ads make NO SENSE. Today, it's this guy.


But now that the property deadline has passed, I can start getting properly excited about Wellington, and the bogan party! Will let you know how it goes. Fingers crossed I make it to the airport tonight, am going straight after work and if there are any hold ups then we are all going to be in trouble.


ps: To all those who have contacted me regarding John Mayer's most recent exploits, I have taken notice and will get to this later, maybe on Wiener Monday, maybe before.

pps: 80 followers! New record! Thank you!

9 comments:

Owen said...

congratulations on over 80 followers, dear :) Im doing my bit to spread the gospel of Ally, and words spreading fast.
x

Owen said...

... which, btw, is extremely easy now that you've added quicklinks to your Weekly Wieners posts on the right hand side! I love that the first wiener that people will encounter is "Parents of naked children". Gold.

chris.dadness said...

Can I share my favourite Crapperty ad?
A terraced garden entices the eye upward to this smoothly robust 3 bedroom family home embraces with an airy grace. As glorious sunlight deluges in through large windows into the open plan living an innate sense of generousness and capaciousness envelops this home. With lush carpets, velvety walls and graceful arcs the modern interior contrast softly with the lovely front timber deck inspirational for contemplating the expansive views of the gentle river and rolling hills. Change the focus and survey these rich views from any of the front rooms in quiet comfort. House size 127sqm and land size 703sqm approximately. The grammar! The pretension! The "smoothly robust"!

Kaileigh said...

Yay! Congrats on the 80 followers! They are well deserved, every time I come here I am sure to get a chuckle :)

apple cheeked, potato shaped girl said...

Did I ever tell you how much I love your blog? I never fails to make me smile.

Posie Patchwork said...

Well properties & their cliches, you must be drowning in them.
Did you catch SVU last night with Wentworth Miller, i took a 'break' to watch it. Love Posie

otherworldlyone said...

Hope you have a great trip and come back with lots of juicy stories.

Holly said...

Ever considered contributing to this site? I think you should! HA! http://lovelylisting.com/

IT IS ALLY said...

Owen - thank you! You do well. Did you check with God about this, though? I'm not sure how He feels about random gospel additions. He likes haiku, though.

chris - Glorious sunlight deluges in! Velvety walls sound kind of tacky.

Kaileigh - thank you! As one of my earliest and most faithful followers, you are huge help :)

Kat - awww, thank you!

Posie - I am caught in a deluge or terrible ads. WM was in SVU?! I must find this!

ow1 - thank you! I did!

Holly - her site is awesome! If I dealt with photos, I totally would.