Saturday, May 22, 2010

Celebrity Douchebag News!

Nicolas Cage, horrible actor, only eats the animals whose sex lives he approves of. Nicolas Cage is out of his fucking melon. He said, "I love all animals. I have a fascination with fish, birds, whales - sentient life - insects, reptiles. I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex. I think fish are very dignified with sex. So are birds. But pigs, not so much. So I don't eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl."

Couldn't decide which of these was worse so I went with both.
Just threw up in my mouth a bit.

Apart from the blatant asshattery of this statement, has NC ever seen chickens making love? It's not very dignified. (Even less dignified, though, is duck sex - I grew up in the country and we had a duck and he shagged everything, including the rooster. I Googled that (actually I googled "Ducks nature's rapists?") and found a very educational article about a homosexual necrophiliac duck, which you can read here. Also, now every time I open youtube it suggests videos of animals fuckin'. Thanks youtube.)

He'd be a good person to be stuck on an island with though, Nicolas Cage, because it's unlikely he'd turn to cannibalism.

Appendix A: Some common questions about ducks



uglygirl said...

Ugh. I read that in the newspaper (yes, we report only the most important new in Western Australia) and the mention of Nicholas Cage and sex in the same sentence made me want to puke, then the story made me think, "What else to expect from a guy who names his kid after Superman and marries Michael Jackson's ex-wife." Gosh I can't stand him. Even though I love Con Air, it's DESPITE of Nic Cage.

IT IS ALLY said...

Oh man, I forgot he named his kid after Superman. Ewww Nicolas Cage! I hope he gets raped by ducks.

erin said...

He's got that weird Elvis/Marlon Brando mentality, their egos have exploded in such a preposterous way that they feel like even the most inane thoughts carry import and should be shared with others.

And that others should take those inane thoughts as the spoken word of their lord and savior.

Plus...he's swarthyish. I hate swarthyish.

Phil said...

I had some clients on a tour last year - where we stopped for lunch at a charming country cafe. As they were reflecting on how beautiful and peaceful the countryside was - out of the corner of my eye I spotted two roosters taking turns shagging a dead hen. Does that leave a bad taste in ya big mouth, Nic???

a cat of impossible colour said...

I only eat people whose love lives I approve of.

chris.dadness said...

I am sure you know this already Ally - there is a breed of duck with a 14 inch spiny penis? "It is theorized that the remarkable size of the spiny penis with its bristled tip may have evolved in response to competitive pressure in these highly promiscuous birds, removing sperm from previous matings in the manner of a bottle brush."

With an orange and almond glaze, thanks Nic!

Holly said...

What on earth possessed me to actually click on that Youtube link!?

IT IS ALLY said...

Erin - I know. It's the combination of swarthyish and balding that gets me, I think.

Phil - Hahaha! Hope you pointed out the roosters and made clever business analogy.

Andrea - Good! I feel safer now :D

Chris - I did not know that already! It totally seems like the sort of thing I would know, though. And now I do. Thanks? I think.

Holly - I am glad you did. I spent some time trawling through videos of chicken sex in order to find the best one.

otherworldlyone said...

My mother is obsessed with him. Thinks he is the hottest thing ever. *gag* But if you weren't already sure that you can't trust her opinion on men, I'll just throw out there that she's also obsessed with Michael Bolton and Barry Manilow.

I rest my case.

I heard that story on the radio about a week or so ago. What a nut job.