Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Bad Blogger / I Love Meat

I have a terrible complex about not updating regularly - it hits Two Days No New Post and I am seized by a terrible fear that I will wake up in the morning and find that everyone has unsubscribed and sent me hate mail laced with anthrax (email version). This fear, it strikes deep into the heart of me.

I would like to pretend the lack of regular posts is because I have been Terribly Busy but actually I have just been Mildly Busy And Terribly Apathetic.Here is what I have been doing instead of blogging: work.

I'm currently in the early stages of putting together an advertising feature for some kind of vegetarian expo thing. Why would you need an expo? I tend to regard vegetarianism in a similar light to homosexuality, i.e. that's cool and I hope you're enjoying it but it's not for me because I love meat.

The 'I love meat' part was just meant to apply to vegetarianism.

Anyway, it turns out that organising vegetarians is like teaching cats to polka i.e. near fucking impossible - I know it sounds like a huge generalisation but these new vegetarian clients have, to a man (or lady, here we keep our discrimination equal-opportunity) been more difficult than any clients ever seen before. Also, there are vegans. I am sorry if you are reading this and you are a vegan. I am sorry because you are missing out on the delicious meat.
I'm sure you're very nice.

I went into my boss' office and delivered a huge rant about vegans (I was tired and it seemed appropriate, although in hindsight it probably wasn't.)

Boss: I used to work with a guy who was vegan. Here, actually.
Me: Oh?
Boss: Yeah... we used to all go out on the town, get him really slaughtered, and then take him to-
Me: Burger King!
Boss: Yes! We would buy him burgers, and take photos of him eating them, and leave them on his desk on Monday morning... "Oh look, what's that a photo of? It's youuuuu, eating meee-eeeat."

Not saying that I condone that kind of behaviour, of course, but man my boss is awesome.

(Speaking of work, you know that reporter I got told off for flirting with a while back? I had a dream that we hooked up, and he was crap. Thanks for nothing, subconscious. Thanks for nothing.)


Matt79 said...

Your boss is a bastard, but a funny bastard!

Phil said...

Gosh darn Hippies! Threaten them with a kidney on a stick.

(Hey like the noo profile pic)

slommler said...

Well darn dream anyway!! Ruined everything! Sorry about that!
As for vegans...don't know any! And I love meat too!!! I am just sayin'!!

IT IS ALLY said...

Matt - That he is! He walks the line between "You're awesome" and "Someone call HR right now."

Phil - Hahaha! Stickidney fantastic choice of weapon. (Thanks!)

SueAnn - Ah well, he's still pretty cute! Also, one day he's going to come across this blog by accident and work will suddenly become incredibly awkward. Hehehe.

heather ruiz said...

but i'm vegan vegetarian! we're nice people...we poke fun at ourselves. you'll soon learn, if you can tolerate to be around us anymore, that we have different levels of conservative eating...there's the extreme freaks who buy organic tofu and won't eat honey (from a bee) or ketsup (corn-syrup is 3rd ingredient) and we laugh at them childishly. i'm only vegeminded because i was raised that way and i'm too shy to try anything else, although i do buy eggs and fry them in my mom's kitchen feeling quite badass.
and i love your blog. i'm a girl who sleeps in pink and teaches sunday school and blushes typing "bad ass" but i love your posts, especially your transvestite chicken, and every time some annoying bitch disses me and/or i have a "screw the world" mindset i read your rantings and snicker like we're jolly girlfriends.
and your weekly wieners make my week. i hate john mayer and all the guys at my church have faults with at least one of the items on your lists, and i internally hiss "WIENER!!" at them from behind my charming smile. thank you, ally, for inspiring us to have a little bad-ass side every once in a while. the world appreciates you.

Monster Girl said...

Us vegetarians are a tricky breed. Thanks for giving us an expo anyway! (The less meat we eat, the more that is left for you!)

IT IS ALLY said...

Heather - Thank you for your comment! Sorry, sometimes I am too harsh on vegetarians and vegans. Only the really hardout and/or smug ones annoy me. I'm glad you have a bad-ass side! Also thank you for reminding me about Wieners of the Week, it has lapsed. Hehe. I always forget that a huge range of people read this blog, am glad they aren't all the same :)

Monster Girl - Excellent point about the meat! You are quite sensible. For a vegetarian. :D