Friday, November 05, 2010

Bullets

Today's blog post is brought to you by a Series of Random Bullet Points. They're my new sponsor. By which I mean, I had some thoughts I wanted to share but I also had some wine and now I can't be bothered stringing all of the thoughts together. You're welcome.

  • I love it when May Wang, high-profile bankrupt businesswoman, is in the news, because stuff.co.nz runs headlines like "Wang Appears in Auckland District Court," and "IRD slam Wang offer." Moral of the story? Never offer the IRD wang. Other moral of the story: I'm a five-year-old.

  • The current news story - ooh, topical - about that Qantas (I really admire the sheer daring of Qantas in fielding a U-less Q) plane blowing an engine has brought to my attention the thoroughly delightful term 'superjumbo.' It appears that we have reached the point where we simply cannot describe how large a plane is, and I couldn't be more pleased. "How is the plane?" "It's, um. It's large." "It's a jumbo jet, but jumbo-er." "It's... megajumbo?" "Hyperjumbo?" "Superjumbo!" The only place to go from here is Uberjumbo. Which is totally what I would call my elephant. If I was German. And had an elephant. Sadly, I cannot imagine a world where this scenario could become a reality.

  • I have devised a new way of putting people into easily-classified personality boxes: by asking them what element they would be. Not the old Captain Planet earth/wind/fire/water/heart (ha ha, heart) elements, but the good old periodic table. I'm sure you've heard of it. What would you be? Answer in the comments, please. I think I would be Zinc or Magnesium. They seem... peppy.

  • Do you know what I want to become fantastically wealthy by inventing today? Daytime fireworks, in shades of black and navy and purple. I have no idea if this is even possible but my God, it should be. Imagine a world where you can look up from your breakfast and see noir fireworks exploding over the Eiffel Tower. (Did I mention we were in Paris?) Man, words cannot describe how much I want to live in that world. Someone please invent these.

Must dash now as have to get up early for work sausage sizzle (gentlemen, hold your puns) - there is a fireworks show here tomorrow night and we are sizzling at it. Sizzling with hotness! Especially me, and Cute Reporter.

Sorry. I got distracted for a moment there. But my point is that I need to go to bed because somehow in the organisational process I became over-involved and turned into Sizzle Hitler, and now I have to get up early and retrieve sausages from Woolston. Wish me luck and if you are in Christchurch, come down to the New Brighton fireworks tomorrow and buy a sausage!

7 comments:

chris.dadness said...

Daytime fireworks - they really need them for the 20-20 cricket. They let off ordinary fireworks in the daytime. I listen to it on the radio and apparently I am missing nothing.

I'm tungsten. Please interpret. Or is that my job? I am extremely heavy and light up when electrified and/or plied with drink.

Phil said...

Historical note (from Trivial Phil):
Quantas is an acronym - Queensland And Northern Territory Air Service

Phil said...

oops ..I mean Qantas ..not er, Quantas, and I haven't been drinking. Oh never mind

Alice said...

Apparently I'm Nitrogen

Mr B_Unreal said...

Its funny you wrote that my friends and I were coming up with answers to this the other night (while drinking)

so my answer was

If I was an element I would be Neon. Why you ask? 'cause I'm bright, I'm eye-catching and I look great in Vegas. Or it could be the fact it is a Noble gas, meaning that it doesn't usually react, its stable and when combined with another element it creates strong bonds (ohhhhhhhh). Take your pick (though when I told my friends this they told me its probably cause I hang outside sex shops).

IT IS ALLY said...

Chris - Tungsten is a good choice. I can respect Tungsten. Am beginning to think I should've given more thought to my answer! Right now I am whatever element has indigestion.

Trivial Phil - Aha! I wondered where Qantas came from. Perhaps I shall call my child it. Colleague said I had a motherly aura today. I hit him with the newspaper

Alice - Why?

Mr B - I love your comment. It has made my day and I'm not even kidding. Also, I'm probably going to steal it and pass it off as my own work in future conversations - if you happen to be in any of them, can you let me get away with it?

Me and Leez said...

Boron is the most personality-descriptive element ever. It sounds like a white short sleeved shirt with those little yellow sweat stains underneath each armpit and a 40 minute commute on the bus each day with faint overtones of six beers at the TAB from 4pm til 6pm each day, when another commute would take you back to peas and chops for dinner and VB and TV until 10pm sitting on an old green leather chair.

Daytime fireworks is called acid.

Drunk typing WIN!