Wednesday, April 20, 2011

PokeMental

There are 646 Pokemon. That's quite a lot, isn't it.

Apparently there are 5 generations of Pokemon and I apologise if I've Pokemucked them all up but honestly, they are called the most ridiculous things. I have corralled the 50 most bizarre names together, for your viewing pleasure! I know 50 sounds like a lot, but they go quite quickly once you get into it.

In order from least to most insane, allow me to present...

Ridiculous Pokenames

50. Vigoroth
Energetic Pokemon with unfortunate lisp.

49. Dustox
Is it a dusty ox? Is it the dust created by a travelling herd of oxen? Is it a magical new duster, harnessing the powers of oxygen? I don't know, but it looks like a moth designed by David Lynch.
48. I want Wooper and Skiploom to either start a band, or solve crime in a hilariously disorganised fashion.

47. Igglybuff
This sounds like a cutesy version of Iggy Pop in his younger, more muscular days.

46. Flaaffy
If you say it out loud you won't be able to stop saying it for the next five minutes! Like a kitten! So flaaffy!

46. Graveler
I am a lonely and a lonesome graveler.

44. Hoothoot
Surprise! It's an owl.

43. Golbat and his evolved form Zubat are basically just blurted syllables. The kind of thing you might yell as you hurled a plate of spaghetti at a wall. The noise made by a punch hitting home in a B-grade comic. About space aliens. Golbat! Zubat! Blammmm!

42. Beheeyem
Pretty sure this is just a line from Havah Nagilah.

41. Krokorok
I did a fart that sounded like that once.

40. Machop
Hands off! That's Machop. I wanted Machop to evolve into Lamchop but he doesn't.

39. Mankey
I totally need to unlock this dude. Who has my mankey?

38. Amoonguss
"This Pokemon," said the toddler, "is really big!"

37. Lickitung
Ew, Pokeverse. Why would you call a Pokemon that? Oh, I see.36. As any medical professional knows, Weezing evolves from Koffing.

35. Slowbro
As in, you're going pretty.

34. Ponyta
So some random guy in a bar cut off half of it! And now I only have a ponyta.

33. Pidgey
We had a pet pigeon once, his name was Pidgey. Not related to Pokemon at all, just wanted to let you guys know.

32. Spoink
The attack cry of this Pokemon perfectly mimics the sound make when you push the button that opens the door of the microwave.

31. Snorunt
It's when you snore out of your... never mind.

30. Cacturne
A nocturne with cactuses. I mean cacti.

29. Metagross
It baffles me why you would call a Pokemon this.

28. Nosepass
I really don't even know where to start with this one.

27. Crustle
Or this one. How unappealing. I bet no-one ever wanted to trade cards for Crustle.

26. Farfetch'd
Not actually that farfetch'd! Compared to Dustox.
25. Turtwig
It is a wig for turtles who do not have any hair, or who are judges.

24. Beartic
Next on the Discovery Channel: If Bears Had Tourettes!

23. Pignite
I hope this is exactly what it sounds like!

22. Croagunk
That stuff you find in the plughole. Ew.

21. Bidoof
Does it fall over a lot? Is that the sound it makes?

20. Heatmor
As opposed to, you know, heat less.

19. Magneton
I'll be there in a second, he said, departing for the spoon-bending convention, just let me put my Magneton.

18. Bronzong
Technical term for the noise it makes when you hit a gong.

17. Bayleef
It goes in soop and steuw!

16. Camerupt
This sounds gross. Sounds like exploding camel.

15. Floatzel
A Sound of Music character who failed to make the final script.

14. Bonsly
Totally sounds like a butler. Totally looks like a turd wearing a railway signal.

13. Psyduck
This is my favourite Pokemon name. It's either a psychic duck or a psychotic duck and there is no way that both of those aren't AWESOME.

12. Unfezant
This Pokemon is not wearing a fez.

11. Pokemon relationship advice: first you Hitmontop and then you Smoochum and then- Ho-Oh!

10. Am I a crocodile? Totes! I am a Totodile. Am I a crocodile? Naaaaw. I am a Croconaw.

9. Grotle
Sounds like a Standard Three insult. "Martin? Eww, he's grotle."

8. Jellicent
Her name was Millicent. She worked at the jelly factory. But after the accident, she became... Jellicent.

7. Zangoose
Presumably the way awesomer version of the mongoose.

6. Seismitoad
This is a giant toad that causes earthquakes. It is kind of awesome

5. Gurdurr
As heard from the throats of the stupider zombies.

4. Sceptile
This reptile does not believe any of your bullshit.

3. Braviary
Only the most courageous of birds may gain entry to the Braviary.

2. Stunky evolves into Skuntank and I can't stop giggling and saying 'Stunky.'

1. Beedrill
And lo, all the bees gathered, and they did practice, for it was time for the beedrill.


What is your favourite?

13 comments:

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

I would have to go with you and say Psyduck because who WOULDN'T want a psychotic duck? BEST. THING. EVAH!

PS my word verification is popregui which would be an awesome name for a pokemon - perhaps a penguin that throws Ragu sauce?

Anna said...

YOU, Ally. My favourite is YOU. Quietly saying "Flaaffy" to myself and giggling.

Scribbles said...

LOL I totally remember seeing Psyduck on Pokemon back in the day and he was BOTH... both psychic and just one mental motherf**ker. He was the best.

dad said...

'Manky' used to be a word that actually meant manky. I guess it doesn't anymore.

Kate said...

Stunning. "Spoink" is still my favorite. It's a pig on a spring! BOI-OI-OINK!

Holly said...

HAA! I'm not sure which is my favourite. I've never been very interested in Pokemon...but now I realise I may have been missing out! :(

Sarah said...

Why is the Farfetch'd holding a spring onion?

chris.dadness said...

I think Seismitoad should be banned now, he's caused a lot of trouble so far this year.

So that leaves Pignite (a porky mineral) or Spoink ... yes, can't really go past Spoink.

He was the science officer on the Enterprise in the unsuccessful all-pig Broadway adaption of Star Trek.

IT IS ALLY said...

V'sEG - The picture of Psyduck looks like a duck who is one bad meeting away from a total mental breakdown. You should Google him. Popregui would maybe be a pokemon than made kings explode?

Anna - I am not a Pokemon! I would never fit inside the little ball. FLAAFFY

Scribbles - Have never played or watched Pokemon! Kind of really want to now, though.

Dad - It has an E in it. The E makes all the difference.

Kate - Hahahahaha! It is. It is the sound of a pig on a spring. I hope to one day see a pig on a spring and shout SPOINK accordingly

Holly - Firstly, I just mistyped you as Golly then Dolly, but secondly, I have never been a Pokeperson either. Am considering giving it a try.

Sarah - Because he is a rapscallion! I'm not sure. The whole thing seems kind of... FARFETCH'D.

Chris - I know! Let us send him back to the quakeswamp from whence he came. (?) Pignite is the most delicious of all the minerals. Next to Baconium.

Sarah-Rose said...

Oh GREAT now I can't stop saying flaaaffy.

The Kid In The Front Row said...

I am disappointed that you didn't write about all of them.

a cat of impossible colour said...

FLAAFFY

Jo-Ann said...

My son - who is adorable and awesome and 17 is TOTALLY PokeGen (forget GenY - that is Bullshit invented by 30 yr old economists - the true nature of the current generation of 12-20 year olds is their absolute & utter loyalty to the pokemon universe - it is a Cult) He can list/name/recite EVERY Pokemon ever invented even those really lameass new ones that have been around for like 5 minutes... Personally - I like Charizard - oh and Psyduck is pretty awesome too.