Questions About Birds

Housekeeping: if anyone wishes to submit their own sexy haiku, feel free to email them to ally@sleep500.com and I will post them, either anonymously or nonymously* - you may think of this blog as a safe haven for your deepest and most hilarious secrets, in haiku form. Unless you are Dad, in which case, no thank you.

*I'm not a word!

This morning I had so many questions about birds. It's amazing I got any work done at all, what with all the Big Questions About Birds.

I was thinking about how I used to work for a guy who thought the noise birds make was spelt 'churp'

Churp derp

and how I always had trouble respecting him as a manager, and all of a sudden I was filled with important bird questions.

It was inconvenient because there you sit, trying to be a grown-up reporter and write something intelligent about Slightly Racist Uncle of the Nation Don Brash, and all you are thinking is "I wonder if birds burp? I've never seen a bird burp. But I guess they probably do. Wait, we used to have chickens. Did they burp? Don't google it. Don't google it. You can google it when you get home, do some work" and then all of a sudden you're in helpless fits of giggles because what if chickens burped, and oh dear.

"The current political climate is - wait, would it sound like a people burp?"

This chicken looks like he is just about to burp, which is somehow funnier.

It turns out birds do burp, but as soon as someone had helpfully tweeted that at me another question arose when someone else said, "Maybe your old boss was just talking about a bird with a New Zealand accent."

Wait.

Do birds have accents?

I mean, if you have two chickens, and one is an American chicken and one is a European chicken, do they squawk in different dialects?

Wow. I didn't realise how stupid that question was until I saw it written down and I have been asking people literally all morning. That's embarrassing.

But let's google it anyway and OH MY GOSH they totally do! (In Australia.)

You know what else has regional accents? Cows. Their moos have different inflections depending on the herd. The BBC said it, so it must be true!

We have all learnt something today. Fuck Gosh* this blog is educational.

First the funny accent and now the dance - Howard began to wonder exactly what kind of herd he had stumbled into. Surely they weren't... Friesians?

*Teachers: I took out the 'fuck' so it's OK for you to use this as a learning tool.