Wednesday, May 20, 2015

In Which the Author Almost Gets a Turtle

Hello everyone!

I was going to tell you a story about Horace and the Gambling Debts but then I thought about how I have been talking about Horace quite a bit at work recently, to the point where Button took me aside and said, with concern in her eyes, "Ally, I think you should get a pet."

"I have a pet!"  I said.  "I have Ho-"

"Horace is not a pet," said Button.  "Maybe you should get a turtle."

cover your ears Horace ! she doesn't mean it

I was seriously into getting a turtle for at least a day and during that time Button and I had ample opportunity to discuss his name; I suggested calling him 'turtle', because he is, and then she suggested Mr Turtle (so he can be easily introduced at dinner parties), and then we realised that clearly he would be a fancy turtle - and so perhaps one day soon I will introduce you all to Dr. Sir Prince Major-General (Mr) Turtle.

You forgot the 'Sir' and he is not impressed.

I would quite like to get a turtle.

Anyway in lieu of the story about Horace, most of which I have forgotten anyway, I would like to introduce you all to a thing I discovered today.  How I have got to being 27 and having a grown-up job without having come across this already is an absolute damn mystery, and speaking of absolute damn mysteries, allow me to present: DIY Guess Who?
the baby doesn't look very hard to guess.
image source:

Obviously, I need to create a workplace edition.

"Do you have a beard?"
"Do you have... glasses?"
"Did you try to grope my boob at the Christmas party?"
"Oooh!  Oooh!  Are you Rupert from the Product team?"

I really, really want to make this game.  I feel like it could get me fired, but I also feel like it could potentially be worth it.

I thought I had something else to mention after this, but then I looked in my drafts thing and all that was there is a note that says -

"Pine-apple. Upper lip $2"

- and three stories about Horace.

So I guess that's me for the day.

Sometimes, you google 'spider made of pineapple', and the internet lets you down.


Da said...

Soz Honey, the turtle in your photo isn't.

Hexen und Schnecken said...

Dear Ally, would you please, please, please get the turtle? (prod) Every week or so I visit your blog, rather hopefully, wishing you might have found more play-pants, different spirit animals or - just anything, really. And there it is, again. The almost-turtle. (prod, prod, prod) Now please, could you start writing again? Pretty please? (prod!) Yes. I do know you aren't supposed to prod somebody you don't even know, even if you happen to really, really, really like the way they write. It's just not polite. But still. Please?
All the best,

Anonymous said...

Da - I am sorry to have been a disappointment. If only my father had taught me the difference between turtles and tortoises at a young age!

Susanne - thank you! Sometimes I need a good prod. You've prodded me into action before, am glad you did it again, hope you enjoy today's post about me dropping potato salad down my top. (My spirit animal is still the rabbit with the desk job.)