Sunday, September 14, 2008

What if your organs could email you?

To: brain@ally
From: liver@ally
Subject: Recent alcohol consumption

Hi Brain, Liver here. Just a quick query - I'm not sure if you're aware, but alcohol consumption's been unusually high this month.

I'm concerned that we're under-equipped for high consumption levels on a regular basis - please advise if this is likely to be an ongoing issue.




To: liver@ally
From: brain@ally
Subject: RE: Recent alcohol consumption

Hi Liver, thanks for your email.

Unfortunately at this stage there's no concrete plan for alcohol consumption going forward.

Let me know if it remains a concern and I'll do my best to rectify it.




To: brain@ally
From: lungs@ally
Subject: Health concern

Brain -

We're still full of tar - pls. advise estimated timeframe for non-smoking initiative. This should've been actioned at least two months ago



To: lungs@ally
From: brain@ally
Subject: RE: Health concern

Good Morning Lungs

Apologies for the delayed response - I've been in meetings with the intestines all morning.

Unfortunately there's no definite timeframe at this stage - I'll look into it and get back to you when I have an ETA.




To: brain@ally
From: stomach@ally
Subject: Organ Concerns
Importance: HIGH

Dear Brain -

Recently Lungs and Liver contacted you to request a decrease in the nicotine/alcohol intake.

At this time, no action has been taken on this matter. As Lungs and Liver have been unable to get a response from you, they have escalated the matter to me.

Please decrease consumption of harmful substances immediately, or I will be left with no choice but to take drastic, spasmodic action - resulting in projectile vomiting at socially inappropriate times.

Please respond ASAP.


PS - whatever you ate about 3am this morning, never do it again. I have had a meeting with Lower Bowel and he agrees.


To: stomach@ally
Cc: lungs@ally; liver@ally; lbowel@ally
From: brain@ally
Subject: Concerns Raised

Stomach -

While I appreciate the validity of your concerns and those of the other organs involved in this matter, at the current stage it would be inappropriate for me to completely remove aforementioned 'harmful substances' from my intake (please contact Heart directly if you require more information on the current emotional situation). I will advise when BAU practices resume - until such time, please treat this as a extraordinary situation and perform your duties as normal.

I strongly recommend you do not take any inappropriate action against the rest of the Body (i.e. dramatic spasms as per your previous email) - this is not conducive to a positive working environment and as such will not be tolerated. Should any such action take place, you will find your employment instantly terminated and a transplant arranged.

Re: 3am food - this was a kebab and will not be repeated. I apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused you and Bowel.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any further concerns.




To: brain@ally
From: kidneys@ally

Man, Stomach's pissing me off today! Between him and Bowel, who will not stop complaining about how busy he is (do you know anything about that, btw?) it's been a very long day! To be honest, it's pretty tempting just to down tools and go and hide in the torso...

Drinks after work?



1 comment:

katherine said...

OMG....can't breath...stomach wait...too many bad memories of shooters on a sore.