Sunday, October 26, 2008

Once More, With Pirates

One of the forums on the National Novel Writing Month site is dedicated to writers daring other writers to insert things in their novels. One of my favourites is "Once again, with pirates" - in which you write a chapter exactly the same as the one before it, except with pirates.

Latest crazy novel idea:

Bounty hunter must regain pair of solid gold pants before they are possessed by the god of the merzombie snake people. Jungle adventure to follow, ending in climactic temple scene and possible merzombie invasion.

Still crappy (I cannot seem to shake the merzombies, for one) but much more doable. Also have all the characters sorted out. Am feeling kind of sorry for making them go on silly pants quest but oh well! They pop up in my mind, what do they expect? If they wanted to be taken seriously they should've popped up in the mind of Stephen King.

Had a long narrative dream last night which would make a great novel - is serious, heart-rending and poignant stuff. (Have written it down for future reference.) Problem? I can't write seriously. I can't do it! Is impossible. I know I've complained about this before, but it's frustratingly difficult to write about serious subjects when your characters keep making puns.

Plan now is to develop new, serious plot fully and then sell it on the international writers' black market (what with the amount of people who complain about writer's block, it must exist). Am frustrated because Serious Plot is a lot better than Pants Quest, but Pants Quest a lot easier to write as characters can arse about and generally be literary liabilities. Pants Quest is a great title, though. Sounds like name of old-school computer game with monophonic them song. "Deedle deedle dee...Pants Quest."

You are standing outside a building. The sea is to your left. To the right is a road.
enter building
You enter the building. A key is lying on the table.
get key
You pick up the key and put it in your pocket.
It is a small room. There is nothing of interest here.
exit building
You are standing outside a building. The sea is to your left. To the right is a road.
You have reached a town. You are on the main street. There is a small grocery store ahead of you, and a road leading to the right.
enter store
The store is locked.
use key
You are in a small grocery store.
open till
I'm sorry, you cannot do that.
There is an old man standing behind the counter.
talk old man
Old Man: What do you want?
Old Man: We don't sell pants!
hit old man
Oh No! The Old Man has shot you!

Sorry, you are dead. Play again? Y/N

I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that. I used to have a couple of games in that format, back in the day, and I never managed to complete either of the damn things. One of them involved putting a bridle on a unicorn, and in order to get the bridle you had to go into an ogre's house and somehow avoid being dragged off by the hair and killed. I never achieved that. I still have no idea how to. I wish I could remember the name of the game so that I could look it up on the Internet.

Anyway, nothing exciting to report, just felt like venting frustration about plot, lack thereof.

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