Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Ok so I am settled in now.

In that I have unpacked about 70% of my stuff and thrown it casually about the room in one of this season's hottest decor trends, something I like to call 'Hurricane Chic.'

In other news, I had an Idea this morning in the shower (a place where many good ideas are born - my theory is that mist and steam rising in front of your eyes stimulates the creative parts of your brain usually left unstimulated, which is of course why you have so many great thoughts in a hotboxed Bedford). The Idea was a ludicrously Machiavellian revenge plot to get my own back on Butthead McArseface, and has sparked a minor moral dilemma because I did say I was going to be the bigger person and not exact any revenge at all on BH McAF. Normally this would be a bendable rule, if it was a small, letting-down-your-tires kind of revenge. Unfortunately as my idea is not so much slash-your-tires as it is nuke-your-airports there is now a small battle going on in my brain. It goes a little something like this -

Setting: a Brain. ANGEL is sitting at a table, doing the Sudoku. DEVIL enters highly excited and having obviously just got out of the shower.

DEVIL: Hey! Listen to this I have just had the best idea.
ANGEL: Um, can you put on a towel or something?
DEVIL: Sorry. Anyway I had this great idea... Idea is described. Yeah?
ANGEL: Nope. No way. No way are you going to do that.
DEVIL: Trust you to say that. Shouts. Justice? Back me up on this.


JUSTICE, to ANGEL: It is pretty deserved, you've got to give him that.
ANGEL: I don't care how deserved it is, it's still completely evil. What would Conscience say?
DEVIL: Who cares? I haven't seen her in weeks.
JUSTICE: She's on holiday.
DEVIL: Perfect timing, then. She can deal with this when she gets back.
ANGEL: You do know she's going to kick your ass.
JUSTICE and DEVIL, in unison: Totally worth it.

Or, to look at it from another angle, this can be my revenge for quitting smoking. I would make an awesome movie villain. Watch your back.

No comments: