Monday, March 30, 2009

Date Tales*

*imagine if Duck Tales was about dating

Was talking about the date to a friend who shall remain nameless and they said, "Oh, I hate dates," and proceeded to tell me about their most recent date. She was running late, and had about 5 minutes to eat dinner and drive to the place that they had arranged to meet at, so she ate fast. Unfortunately when she got to the bar she realised that wolfing down her dinner had given her chronic indigestion, and with it, bad wind. So she stood outside the bar farting like a maniac in order to get the worst of it out before she went inside. Just as she produced a particularly noxious scent her date arrived... from behind her! Ha ha. She said, "I have never prayed for a sudden draft more than in that moment. I panicked and blew cigarette smoke in his face and he was disgusted."


Anyone else have any good date stories?

Anyway, that wasn't what happened - my date was surprisingly normal! We drank beer & played pool & talked about music & are probably going to go on a second date. I shall refrain from making any detailed comments because I think I may have gotten drunk and talked about my exciting blog a lot and perhaps also given him the address (maybe there won't be a second date after all). We shall see. Also he is a singer and was wearing a really cool military jacket and is kind of cute and bought me a drink which as you recall was a very important factor.

Oh yeah if you want to follow me on Twitter, and why wouldn't you, it is Tarquin_Death. (The rest of the word 'mongrel' did not fit, and 'deathmong' sort of sounded strange.) This morning I tweeted twat and FUCK IT WAS META. Wait is meta even hip any more? Pretty sure hip isn't hip.

Kate has just walked into the bathroom and shouted, "I'm going to have a shower! You can visit me if you want!" She finds the shower boring and likes someone to stand outside it and talk to her. Nutter. She is also very firm about not being mentioned in this blog but I completely refuse to respect that. She is, after all, family.

In other news, a friend of mine died unexpectedly yesterday, hence the lack of blog. I remember him saying at one point "Death = nap + forever" and that's how I'm trying to think of it, really, because he freakin' loved naps. He was pretty awesome & I'll miss him. But he wouldn't want me to be sad about it, he would want me to be a smartass, & so I'm just going to say ha ha, natural selection kicked your ass, buddy! I'll miss you. RIP.

ps this is not a call for sympathy comments, just wanted to explain lack of blog and make small commemorative effort. Instead of leaving a sympathetic comment, how about you email someone you haven't seen in a while and say hello because, you know, they might die. (By the way I totally haven't emailed anyone so you don't have to feel bad for not doing it either. Just saying it's a nice idea.)


Holly said...

I'm glad Date #2 was normal/nice, and that excessive farting/unpleasant smells were not a part of the experience.

Oh dear at Kate not wanting to be mentioned! Does she read this blog? She might be none too impressed. :P

I try and refrain from blogging about the antics of people I know in real life. Unless, of course, they are fellow bloggers, in which case I ramble on about them with great abandon! :D

IT IS ALLY said...

No, she doesn't read it. I also try to refrain from blogging about real-life people but ha ha, she just shouted "Baaz! Come and talk to me!" from the shower.

Also I steal other people's funny comments and pass them off as my own :p