Saturday, March 28, 2009

Marmots and Anagrams*

* just kidding, it's actually a rant about neither of those

I was going to write a post about marmots and anagrams but actually I'm in a rotten stinkin' grouchy mood so I'll start off with that instead and see how I go.

Have another date tonight - novelty of dates has well worn off - will let you know how it goes. Date-to-Be asked what I wanted to do. I said "cask of wine in a park?" but this offer was RESCINDED in favour of the much more tame "drinks at a mildly convenient Irish bar." Blah can't be bothered. I cba with dates. More on this another time when I can be arsed writing about it.

Here is a little list of other things I cba with, besides dates and writing about them:

- Flies. Oh God do I hate flies. They are my most hated insect (they are an insect, right? can't think of anything else they would be but kind of feel like I've forgotten a class of animal) ever. I hate them more than spiders. Spiders are vicious bastards but at least they're silent and clean and aerodynamic* and basically everything that flies are not. I'm not going to rant about how awful they are (flies) because you all know that if you have ventured out of your computer room in the last two weeks (my hemisphere) or 6 months and two weeks (other hemisphere). I think all flies should fucking die no actually wait erase that strikethrough because that is how I feel about them. I have spent about ten minutes all afternoon swatting flies and still the bastards come. I shall fight them on the benches! Earlier today I swatted two flies at once while they were engaged in revolting fly sex. Buzz, buzz, buzz! Oh yeah ba- WHACK

Here is a haiku about flies or, as I like to call it, a flyku. Wait no that's not even clever. The only thing that sucked more than that was YOUR MOM OH SNAP. What was I- oh yeah haiku.

Look at all those flies
Those two are having fly sex
Not for much longer!

And now, PeTA's response:

You selfish bastard
Did you never realise
Those flies are in love?

Fuck that. Flies are revolting and have to go.


- Twitter. I know that twitter is fun and all but then this morning I talked to Zach about twitter and some other stuff (what if mice were magnetic have you ever thought about that) and he reminded me that basically if you want to ever be good at anything including life you have to shamelessly whore yourself on twitter (metaphorical whoring (unless you're an actual whore, I guess, but that's not my point)). Besides this I also take issue with people who tweet (actually I take issue with 'tweet' as well but again not where I am going with this) being referred to as 'tweeple.' Apparently twitterrage is catching.

Haiku:

Posted on twitter
Instead of saying 'tweeted'
I renamed it 'twat'


- People. I'm sorry, I don't think I can be bothered with anyone today. Why is it not socially acceptable to say that? I got home from coffee this morning and was all "now all I want is a nap" but no it was visitors here and friendly conversations there and now I have a freakin' date and I still haven't had my damn nap. (Shut up I know I could be napping now but I would rather rant.) Just quietly I would like to get drunk by myself and play on the internet and listen to emo music. Ooh actually that's not so appealing. I have a remarkable talent for making things that are good sound shitty. Oh yeah on that note, go and look up Avenue Q on youtube and listen to Everyone's a Little Bit Racist, or The Internet is for Porn or my personal favourite, Schadenfreude. I won't try to describe it because I'll probably end up saying something like "it's this...thing. This funny thing. It's kind of...I don't know. I think you'd like it."

In other news, I accidentally created a drink I like to call Teafee. It is what you get when you (accidentally) top up your coffee, but instead of the empty coffee cup you select the half-full cup of cold tea from this morning and pour your coffee into that, then drink it without noticing. Don't try it, it's not very nice fucking disgusting.

No marmots; no anagrams. There is a new character though. By the way, how do you guys say 'emoticon?' Because I've always said "emote-ick-con" all run together but then today someone said "emote-EYE-con" and it was real cute and now I like that better but think it's probably wrong but then who cares really it's not really a word you say often. Except when you are talking about the AT and his friend the IB who I will now introduce.

Awkward Turtle, who you no doubt remember... Oh, you don't? Oh. Well, that's kinda- <(")> BAM THERE HE IS

Well, he has a cousin, Inappropriate Bat! ^^..^^
Place both hands in front of you, palms down and fingers pointing away from you. Link thumbs together (if they won't link try again with palms down) and wiggle fingers in a motion which simulates the flight of a bat what you imagine the flight of a bat looks like. Just do it whenever something inappropriate happens.

Example: You and your friend are at a dinner party when a lull in the conversation exposes a guest who is the middle of relating a very sordid and previously untold story about someone else at the table and there is a HUGE SILENCE. Your friend does Awkward Turtle. <(")> You do Inappropriate Bat. ^^..^^

*maybe

7 comments:

sleep500 said...

So, the problem with "cba" is that the positive and negative are indistinguishable:

"Can('t) Be Arsed"

This could make life very confusing.

IT IS ALLY said...

Yeah, that bothered me too. Cba thinking of a solution, though.

Holly said...

I hate flies too! Especially when they're on the toaster. Ew. I like the haiku though, especially PETA's response. ROFL.

Yay Avenue Q. Being the theatre nerd that I am, I greatly approve of it being mentioned on your blog. It is in fact made of WIN, along with a tiny bit (read: a great deal) of crude.

Eww. I think I may have had a Teafee Mishap at some point in the past too. It sounds like something I would do. I don't remember how it tasted, but I'll take your word that it's disgusting and not try it again.

I say/think "emote-ick-con" too. "Emote-EYE-con" just doesn't sound right!?

I like Inappropriate Bat. Very cool. How on earth did you come up with THAT!? Also, an anybody tell me why I am now thinking of Count von Count from Sesame Street?! HALP.

a cat of impossible colour said...

I've totally had teafee before. I have also had Marmitefee.

^^..^^

Holly said...

Andrea: Ok. Teafee I can understand happening by accident, but Marmitefee!? Um, how!? o.O

Fraser Dron said...

Inappropriate Bat is an anagram of:

A Pinata Probe Trip

A Briar Pant Potpie - or, if you prefer, A Bran Tapir Potpie

Abattoir Pain Prep

Apparent Boar Tipi

Appoint Bar Pirate
...

IT IS ALLY said...

Holly: Kate has just confused the whole pronunciation issue by declaring that it is "e-moesh-ickon" and that anyone who says it otherwise is an idiot.

IB ^^..^^ was born when Andrea accidentally made him instead of AT.

Andrea: Eww, Marmitefee. Did you chuck out the jar, or scoop out the worst of the damage?

Fraser: A Bran Tapir Potpie sounds kind of delicious.