Friday, March 27, 2009

In hindsight, I should've worn the mustache

Date update! Are you excited?

Nah, me either. It was a pretty boring date.

That sounds mean but Andrew*, while a sweet guy bearing a vague resemblance to Prince William (if PW's face was shorter), was just not very interesting. He works at a trucking depot and drives 4WDs and these were his main two topics of conversation. Also, he really likes the outdoors (which I most emphatically do not (actually, that's not true, I like the outdoors for about 3 hours and then I want to go home)) & went on a lot about camping & skiing & hiking & other verbs that do not interest me. Also, he did not even buy me a drink. How rude. I paid $13 to sit for 2 hours and listen to a lot of useful information about trucks! Actually that's a little mean. Andrew was a really nice guy. Just not...well, exciting. I demand witty conversation and for my beer to be bought for me I mean come on surely that's not so much to ask.

Ah well, have another date on Saturday. (With someone else.) I am Back In The Game! Am remembering all the reasons I like Being Out Of The Game.

Main reason is that I am horrible at small talk and tend to start off dates with conversations like this, which is an actual example from yesterday:

Me: "Hi, nice to meet you! I think. Are you Andrew?"
Andrew: "Yes. Hi."
Awkward silence, in which I am tempted to do the Awkward Turtle (place one hand on top of the other, fingers pointing straight ahead of you and palms down, and rotate thumbs in a circular motion whilst saying "ooh...awkward") but manage to restrain myself. <(")> (That's the AT in emoticon format.)
Me: "Well, I guess we should meet properly!"
I then emit a hearty chuckle and thrust my hand forwards in a 'hail-fellow-well-met' fashion. Awkward handshake follows. <(")>
Andrew: "How're you? What did you do today?"
Me: "I'm good! Today I painted the garage - look, my hands are covered in paint." Pause while Andrew looks. Hands are, indeed, covered in paint. "And I feel like I did something this morning, but I don't remember what it was." Pause. "I'm, uh, going to get a drink."
I go to the bar, and (somewhat against my better judgment) return.
Me: "Oh, I remembered what I did this morning! I trimmed the dog and made myself a Fu Manchu mustache out of his leftover hair."

I actually said that. It's lucky I enjoy being single, really. <(")> (That wasn't really awkward, just gratuitous AT.)

I got up early this morning in order to Be Productive but actually I just started procrastinating earlier than usual. Whether or not this makes me more productive overall remains to be seen. Laptops rock! I have gone back to bed, which is kind of in a nest-like state at the moment, but am still being productive. (No I'm not.) I am like a small animal which is all huddled in a burrow, with just its nose and typing fingers peeping out. The birds have just come up (wth, they're not flowers) and started going "I'm awake!" or whatever it is that birds say. Apparently birdsong translates pretty closely to "FUCK OFFFFFF" which is exactly what I feel like shouting at the world at 7am as well, only I am more polite than birds.

Other news? I have no other news! Oh, wait, yes I do. Am gong out tonight for BestFriend's Husband's Birthday Dinner (BFHBD (biff-i-bid-uh, for any of you who are reading this blog out loud to your children and aren't sure how to pronounce that)), which will be nice! Am going to attempt to wear little black dress. If it fits - which it may not as it is little - I will post a picture of me in it, sans mustache.

Oh all right then, with the mustache. Sheesh. You people are so demanding. I am going to retreat into my burrow for a NAP.

Wow, my stomach just made a really weird noise. Like soup bubbling on the stove. What are you doing, oh stomach of mine? More importantly, why am I blogging about it?

*not his real name**

**totally is his real name


Baglady said...

Poor Andrew. He sounds dull and sweet but was probably terrified by you being chirpy and chatty and not talking about trucks.
You should have worn the moustache. That would have been hilarious. I would have paid for your beer for that.

perawarc - an extinct wading bird. Known for it's bright blue plumage. 70's fashion made it extinct. *sigh* Poor perawarc.

Holly said...

Oh dear, it sounds like the date would have been more exciting if you had worn your doggie facial hair! I wonder what he would have thought! At least you would have had a conversation topic!

So I'm assuming you are not intending to have Date #2 with perfectly-nice-sounding-yet-still-kind-of-boring Andrew? Lol!

As for being up early, welcome to my life. Thanks to my lovely job, I have to be out of house by 7am every morning...and face small children at 7:30! I'm used to it now though. Kind of. o.O

IT IS ALLY said...

Baglady - How I mourn the perawarc! Science tells us it could talk! Looked a little like a stork! But we ate them all. With forks.

Yes, poor Andrew. He keeps txting me. Sigh.

Holly: No, a second date will not be taking place. Good God, small children at 7.30am. You are a brave woman indeed.

Baglady said...

I like your rhymes
So many times!
It made me laugh.
Not 'arf.

Poor perawarc.