Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Love Hurts*

*but not as much as fire ants

Everyone knows that love hurts. No-one's very specific about just how much, though. After thinking about it for five minutes undertaking extensive research, I have pinpointed exactly where Love sits on the Reinholdt-Heller Pain Scale,* which ranks common injuries on a scale of 1-10.

1. Little Scratch
1.5 Beesting!
2. Stubbing Toe
25. Grating Thumb, Not Cheese
3.
Shampoo In Eyes
3.5
Accidentally Burning Self
4. Slamming Finger in Car Door
4.5 Slicing Finger, Not Vegetables
5. Stick in the Eye
5.5 Dog Bite
6. Breaking a Minor Bone
6.5 Walking on Hot Coals
7. Walking on Hot Coals For Ages

7.5 Breaking a Limb
8. Chopping Off Hand
8.5 Swarm of Bees
9. General Torture
9.5
Hung, Drawn, Quartered/Boiled in Oil
10. Flayed Alive

Love's about a 7, technically speaking. Kind of the spiritual equivalent of walking to your letterbox to get the mail, but oh no! the driveway is made of hot coals.

Now that we've cleared that up, on to the business of the day: I joined Twitter. Yeah, I know, I wasn't going to because I think it's ridiculous, but apparently the thought that faceless Internet multitudes (and all of my real life friends) are simply dying to hear about what I'm doing RIGHT NOW appeals to some small part of me. Go figure. So far Twitter keeps eating my tweets, and I am unimpressed.

Word of the day: databasize. Pronounced d'-TAH-bah-size. It's a verb, and it means 'to organise into/create a database.' Databasize.

Andrea pointed out that I have invited the whole internet to my impending poker night. I may need two little packets of cocktail sausages.

That is all. Tomorrow, something interesting!**

On a side note, if anyone knows how to create that little dagger symbol you use for footnoting after you've used * and ** please let me know. Footnotes are the new twitter strikethrough thing to do but at the moment I can only have two of them*** and I need your assistance. Thanks in advance! Haha, horrid phrase. At eftpos we used to end emails with that whenever we were asking someone to do something unenjoyable, or when they were being stubborn about not wanting to provide information.

"As you're aware, we need this ten-page form completed in triplicate - unfortunately you've missed initialling one of the pages, and for administrative purposes we'll need the entire form to be completed again. Please resend the new copy to us as soon as possible, as without it we're unable to finish processing your application. Thanks in advance!"

That was what we, and by we I mean I, said when we, and by we I mean I, lost an important document.


*which I made up


**
maybe

***unless I do this, which looks kind of stupid

5 comments:

Baglady said...

Can't find anything for the dagger. Maybe you could use superscript numbers instead?

IT IS ALLY said...

Hmm. I'll try to figure those out tomorrow! Thanks for trying, though...more than those lurking lurker bastards ever do. Hehe. Very tired, is 1.45am :D

Josh said...

Alt+0134 for † Alt+0135 for ‡

If you are using a laptop you'll have to press that annoying Fn key to make sure you are using the numbers on the right hand side of the keyboard and not the ones at the top :)

a cat of impossible colour said...

You brighten my days. :)

In other news, Mink has been sitting right by the coffee machine all morning. I think he's trying to see which of them I love the most. "But look, now that we're right next to each other, I'm way cuter! But kind of the same shape!"

IT IS ALLY said...

Joshy - thank you! Next, we'll see if I can actually do that.

Andrea - yay! Mink would totally be the perfect creature if he also made coffee. You would pour grinds into his bum (after turning him upside down and lifting his tail, of course) wait 5 minutes, & then coffee would shoot out his mouth in gargoyle fashion. Into your waiting cup.