HMMM*

*What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.

I spent the first part of this evening, before Top Chef, going back through my old blog (which ran from August 2004 to early 2007) on some kind of quixotic chase for forgotten brilliance. Sadly there was not a lot of forgotten brilliance to be found, just a lot of posts in which I was angsty and grumpy (sample text: 'One day, I'm going to get plastic surgery, and then I won't have to have a personality anymore!' - Jan 8, 2005. In my defence I think I was being slightly tongue-in-cheek about that.)

I got bored with the archiving (will finish another time), but found this stunning little song from Feb 2005, which pretty much summed up my life at the time (and depressingly enough, still kind of does- except now I can't afford Galliano.)

I drank the Galliano but the Devil drained my soul
I go to work, I come back home, I might go on the dole
I had a dog, he up and died, I put him in a hole (this did not actually happen)
So I go in my lonesome kitchen and I butter me a roll.


Also found this poem. I was totally being a smartass when I wrote it but now I think it stands alone as a work of modern art.


modern utopia

i am sitting
on the couch which is textured brownwhitebrownwhite
listening to my stomach
fight the
hum hum hum
of the blaring blazing blue tele-
vision

i wonder
what follows this programme
will theywhodecidethesethings
screen
a sunday movie?

my stomach rumbles
and i punch remorselessly the buttons
of my silent remote.

extreme makeover follows;
the television muted.


Moving on.

Kate and I had an emo-off last night. It's like a rap battle except no-one cares about the outcome. I led with "I'm not glum/ just kind of numb/ look at what I have become," then she came back with the surprisingly powerful, "You and me/ aren't meant to be/ 'cause nobody's meant to be me." Then we both lost interest and just sat down in the corner for a while and thought about our feelings.

On the plus side I downloaded Scorched Earth, and now plan to spend the evening blowing little computer-controlled tanks into oblivion. yeah man.


Three Beautiful Things

1. It was a proper wintry day! Maybe the first one this year where there was a proper chill on. No not chillax I am not meant to say that any more. I like winter, especially Christchurch winters (when it finally decides to have one after a couple of months of mucking about like someone trying to choose between the fish and the chicken. "I like autumn...but then I haven't had a winter for ages. Oh I don't know, you choose.") Christchurch seasons are markedly different from Wellington (where I have spent my last two winters); while Wellington's winter is a tantrum, Christchurch's is a sulk.

2. I went to my impossibly coloured friend Andrea's house this afternoon to watch movies and sit about and drink coffee (which is a yay in itself, really, but that's not the point of the story). When I left, she rootled around in the kitchen cupboards and a state of high excitement in what later turned out to be a search for a little thermos mug that I could take the last of the coffee home in. While she didn't find this, she did dig out a water bottle, fill it with coffee, and give it to me to stave off the cold on my walk homewards! Yay for Andrea, were it not for her I might well have died or at the very least caught a chillax. (It's like the Dreaded Man Flu, but even more so - all you do is lie in bed sniffling from time to time and demanding hot drinks and/or attention, because you just feel so rotten, and could you please go down to the shop and get me a packet of Tim Tams because I don't feel like anything else, and maybe some of those hard little lollies I like, because I think they'd really help my throat, and maybe some cigarettes while you're there but before you go I'd really like, if it isn't too much trouble...a cup of tea? With the milk just how I like it? NO NOT LIKE THAT YOU KNOW I LIKE THE MILK HEATED SEPARATELY I AM SICK WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME? Oh I'm sorry dear I didn't mean it I just feel so simply horrid, you're such a good nurse...do you think you'll be going to the shop, you know, soon?)

3. I made an omelette and it was delicious. That's not really a beautiful thing, just a bit of random information.

Ignore this next sentence, I should really have deleted it but couldn't bring myself to do it.


In other news I am going to rethink my stock options* as a friend tells me the genitalia market is expanding.


*I don't actually know what these are