Let's just launch straight into it*

*that's what she said!

Hey guys! Imagine if David Bain* got Swine Flu! For some reason I really want this to happen. It would be the collision of the two biggest NZ news stories of the year. It would be the media circus to end all media circuses, unless somehow Tony Veitch was involved, in which case the NZ news media would just plain implode. Maybe I should just write the news story anyway and release it on the Internet. I tweeted about this but nobody recognised it as the genius it quite obviously is so now I am blogging about it as well. I will keep putting this idea forward in different forums until I, I mean it, gets the attention I deserve.

Don't really have any other news except did you know people make sweaters out of their dog's hair? Apparently this has been going on for some time but now that the revolution whoops recession has us all in its terrible povertous thrall (perfectly cromulent word) knitting your own winter coat from your family pet is all the rage. This is a stupid idea and here's why: people hair would be a much more practical option. People hair (or, if you like, 'human hair') is longer and therefore easier to spin into yarn. Also, people with long hair habitually brush their hair every day, whereas if you want to knit a doghair garment you have to make a point of brushing the dog (what, you thought you just yanked out clumps of hair whenever you needed a new scarf? you callous bastard) every day until there is enough hair. This week, I shall delve into the plughole after every shower. That's right, people, I'ma knit a pube beanie. Viva la recession!

I promise I would never actually do anything that gross, but you get my point.

What else did I learn recently that you might be interested in knowing? Oh yes! My friend Hannah, who I'm sure will be thrilled to know she comes in right after the pubeanie (TM), has just started a blog! Right now it is a fashion blog, but as there are only two posts at the moment it could go off in any direction. She is ultra cool and totally new to the blogosphere, so go and visit her. Take some e-cookies because she is your new neighbour. She promises not to have all-night parties, and to lend you a cup of e-sugar when you're out.

Spanish was good last night. 'Rompemos' is a word I learnt. It means 'we destroy,' as in 'nosotros bebemos mucho cerveza & rompemos la mesa.'** So, next time you break something shout ROMPO and everyone who speaks Spanish will know it was YOU. (Alternatively, shout ROMPE and point at someone else, and everyone who speaks Spanish will think it was HIM.)

OK off to the patent office to see if anyone's taken 'pubeanie' yet.


*for non-NZ readers, DB was convicted of killing his family way back in 1995 (I actually researched this) & served 12 years of a life sentence. During the 12 years he appealed his ass off but was turned down numerous times because he was blatantly guilty (as evidenced by his callous wearing of horrible sweaters). Last year he was finally granted a retrial due to new evidence popping up, a crocus of innocence through the snowdrift of guilt! Anyway, his trial is going on at the moment, and NZ is spellbound.

** 'we drink lots of beer and break the table.' True story, although it is in the present tense because I don't know how to say stuff in the past tense yet.