A List

Things which are much more fun to Do than to Watch

I realise there are literally hundreds of things that fall into that category, but here are five of my favourites.

1. Any kind of Xbox/Playstation/Wii game

Guitar Hero was the game I had in mind when I thought of that, but pretty much all of them qualify (see also: Zelda, Tekken). There are two exceptions. (I think.) The first one is Viva Piñata. For anyone who isn't familiar with VP, you start off with a garden, and then you have to grow things. Depending on what you cultivate, different animal piñatas (piñanimals?) come and live in your garden. You have to tempt them in by growing the things they like, and then if they eat something they 'live' there and you can breed and sell them. 'Whee,' I hear you say.

Thrilling as that sounds, it's more fun to watch because apparently the second you start actually playing VP you give up your life in pursuit of piñanimals, whereas if you're just watching you can share in the exultant joy when the bear finally comes into the garden, but avoid the emotional distress when he inevitably leaves again without eating anything. (I was once woken up in the middle of the night by a flatmate's cry of triumph when the bear finally decided to live in the garden. I thought we were going to have a little party. With a piñata.)

The second one is some zombie game - Dead Rising, possibly - where there is you, and there is a shopping mall, and there are zombies. I sucked so much at that game. But it's fun to watch other people run down zombies with a lawnmower.


2. Open Mic Nights, specifically poetry ones

Because while you're onstage you're the modern Yeats, but then you have to sit back down and listen to ten other versions of 'bone-bleached trees/ beneath grey winter sky/ and the snow falls as dirty as my dreams.' Dreams as in hopes and goals which have been sullied by Reality, not as in that weird sex dream you had about your workmate. But sometimes that too. Also quite often these (poetry nights, not weird sex dreams) are at weird arty cafes that smell like patchouli and don't serve alcohol (!)


3. Cutting of the Toenails

Anyone else find the disgusting business of cutting their toenails hugely satisfying?


4. Being Brooke Fraser

Even though you'd have to sing bland songs in a morally superior manner and give all your money to charity, surely being Brooke Fraser would still have to be more fun than listening to Brooke Fraser. Surely.


5. Blogging.

And this next paragraph will probably show you why.


Here is my question for today: it is about dogs' bladders. You know how when you walk a dog, it stops to pee on lots of things? Of course you know that, it is legend. This sparks the question, is a dog's bladder ever truly empty? Or does he always leave a little bit in reserve (so to speak) in case he sees something else he needs to pee on? If so, I wish I could learn how to do that, because whenever I go to the doctor and need to produce a urine sample I've inevitably just been. It's more embarrassing than you might think.

Speaking of weird dreams, I had a dream last week where my current Hopeless Crush complimented my leg hair ("Mine won't grow like that!" he said) and then we made out. PZS

Am also going on second date with second FindSomeone person, as Hopeless Crush is, as noted, hopeless, and I need someone to shag until he comes to his senses and realises that I am the Love of his Life , maybe if I give this guy a chance love might be just around the corner (!)

(Sorry about the Return of the Strikethrough, but I was good for ages. I promise not to let it get so out of control again.)

OK I was going to end that post there but now I have another question. You know that little clock I have in the sidebar? Yeah the one with the kind of lame pun. Why would anyone ever need a clock on their website? There is an entire site devoted to these and yet there is a clock in your computer sidebar. Or whatever that thing is called. When would you be in a situation where you would need that feature? I know I have one but I did it for the lulz - God I hate that phrase - not because I think that somewhere out there there is someone who will be reading my blog one day and think 'oh God what is the time' and look at that clock instead of at the one their computer came with. IT MAKES NO SENSE.