My mother and I want to watch 'Mothra,' but the local videostore only has 'Godzilla vs Mothra'. The ensuing indecision (take a chance on that, or watch something else?) is a choice I never thought I'd have to make. Luckily she is making it for me and has trotted off to get a John Wayne. I intend to spend the evening hanging out with my mama with my blankie and endless cups of tea and if that's a lame way to spend a Saturday night then I don't want to be cool.
My money's on Mothra.
Here is a Contents Page for what promises to be a rather lengthy post. So you can stop, go and do something productive, then come back to it. Unlike most Contents Pages, this one is completely unrelated to the order in which the items appear. It's just a list of crap you can expect to read about today.
onesie = no swine flu / warm inside a dog / meteorology magic / british beetroot / pronking-stotting / sitting up like pork / my parents: courtship of / videostore, incense / horses in suburbia (greenday) / get stuffed! / the dumb bug / carpark patrol / hizach
Firstly and most urgently, I really want a pyjama onesie. Pyjamas with arms and legs in them. A jumpsuit made of pyjama fabric. Onesies are remarkably hard to describe, although fashionpolice.net describes them as 'adult footed pyjamas.' Anyway, I thought that these delightful items were the preserve of small children and my friend Riadan, who has a red woolen one that I remember fondly (?) & which I always thought he just sort of found somewhere (he is that sort of person) but it turns out that no, pyjama onesies are widely available! I really want one. Swine flu - which is apparently kinda wimpy anyway - can't getcha when you're in a onesie and also they make for practical zombie fighting gear.
See? Ready to fight zombies.
Seriously I am willing to do pretty much anything for a pyjama onesie please can somebody buy me one for my birthday (july 29) and give it to me now pleasepleaseplease.
Have I conveyed how totally I want a onesie? I REALLY REALLY WANT ONE.
Scientific discovery of the week: it is warmer inside a dog than it is inside a person!* I discovered this because I was walking the dog and, while my breath wasn't misting in the cold, his was.
Fuck yeah, science.
Also in the 'scientific' field, I can predict the weather!** Yes without reading the weather report. I am like an old man sitting in a rocker gumming away and saying "Ee, storm's a'coming, can feel it in my bones," but without being an old man - the scar on the back of my hand itches when there is a storm coming! It has to do with humidity and air pressure*** but last week I said to someone, "Storm's a'comin'!" and then, having used up my apostrophe ration for the week, retired to bed. And then the storm a'came! I am a meteorological Harry Potter, is what I am. From now on I am going to run about shouting that my scar is itching and the Dark Lord is active! (Meteorologically active.)
In an aside, I really like how the British pronounce 'beetroot.' Not 'bee-droot' like the rest of us, but 'bee'root,' or sometimes even a distinct 'beet root.' Beet beet beet! Root.
Today I am going to teach you two words which mean the same thing! I know, it's exciting. Fuck I have an educational blog.
You know that thing that springboks do, when they bounce straight up in the air off all four legs at once?
Not a springbok, but yeah, that thing.
Well, that thing now has a name, and that name is pronking! Or stotting. They both
Did you know you can buy incense in the videostore? It's right there, with the videos and the popcorn. It was in this one videostore anyway. That's about all there is to that story.
Another good story: I saw a horse walking down the road today. With a rider on it. It is weird, seeing horses in suburbia. I would have been completely confused by the 19th century (and, in fact, all of the centuries before it.)
Another good story: I saw a dumb bug today. It was hopping along the pavement, no doubt looking up at the sky and thinking happy bug thoughts, when hop! it jumped straight into a drainage grate. Whoops, bug. Shoulda paid less attention to how cool you were, breathing through your skin and all, and more attention to where you were going.
(How cool would it be to breathe through your skin? Hopefully not through your butt-skin, though. There should totally be a specific word for butt-skin. Actually I was thinking today, after accidentally saying HIZACH to my friend Zach, that 'hizach' should be a word. Maybe it should be a word for butt-skin, as in, "I have a boil on my hizach." Yeah, that works. (Mum wasn't sure why bugs would mind breathing through their hizachs. "Well," Kate said, "do bugs fart?" According to the Internet yes, yes they do. (What is this, Biology Week?) I wonder if that bothers them, what with the breathing through their hizachs?))
Random story: my parents' first date was at the movies - they went to see 'Zoltan, Hound of Dracula,' and my father wore his slippers. This is my second favourite story about stuff my parents did before I was born; the other one came up when I was swanning about in a Russian-style fake fur hat. "I used to have an actual Russian fur hat," Mum said wistfully. "Dad and I were on a boat, and the boat was robbed." Pause. "The only thing they took was the hat."
Speaking of romance, I was going to go to a craft evening with NRT tonight but then I remembered that I hate craft. He said, "Too bad you're not coming - I'm wearing my beret." Man sure knows how to woo a lady.
Tomorrow, links to things I like to read!
*not based on any actual science.
***still no actual science, I made that up