Andrea, who told me not to do this, will now be saying, "Oh, Ally, you didn't." I did. I totally did. I know you are not angry, just disappointed. Yes. I am disappointed in me too although also I am finding it really funny. I am not a responsible citizen! Let us laugh about it later.
On the plus side, if I am tortured I no longer have any secrets to reveal!
Three Beautiful Things
1. Last week I wanted to wear my robot necklace and it was nowhere to be found, which was strange as I remembered shoving it in my handbag. I grumbled a bit, resolved to have a proper look later, and went out without it. As I was outside my house waiting for my ride, I noticed the robot necklace dangling from a tree branch. It had obviously been wound around the branch and left there to hang until I noticed it. I asked Mum and Kate about it but they knew nothing! What had happened was this: it must have fallen out of my bag as I scrabbled for my house key, and then a passerby picked it up from the sidewalk and hung it on the tree for me to find. My faith in humanity is just a little bit restored! (Still have a headache though.)
2. Received a flier for a Mother's Day Christian event, which seems to be enticing people into the ranks of the saved by giving them free things. The flier says, "Live Music - Free Gift for Mum's Day - Face Painting for Kids - Free Soft Drink - Bouncy Castle - Free Candy Floss - Free Popcorn." Then there is a blurb which is full of heavenly exclamation marks. Then there is the following sentence, which is my favourite. "You'll love the music, the free food, the atmosphere and the presence of God." Presumably God is coming for all the free stuff, although maybe he's just a sucker for a good bouncy castle. I am being a little mocking about it but hey, it's nice of them to put on the event. (I will not be attending.)
3. Am not sick! Mum and Kate both are and I am not. Obviously this means I have some kind of superhuman immune system. (Please do not remind me of this comment when I get sick next week.) Mum's cold (not swine flu) is quite satisfying because when Kate got sick, Mum refused to be sympathetic and instead said things like, "You should have eaten your kiwifruit!" and "This is why you should occasionally eat a vegetable!" Where are your vegetables now, Mother?
Here is a secret. I have staved off many a cold with it. It is 'drink lemon, honey & ginger drinks.' That's it. Don't, however, try to be clever with them: the other day I wanted a coffee but needed a lemon & honey. The answer seemed simple! But it was really gross. Totally don't make that. I know, I know, you wouldn't, but only 'cause I test these things out first. I do this for you, people.
Also I have an appointment with a recruitment agency for tomorrow because I am sick of scanning catfood for minimum wage. It is mental that I am doing this shitty job. I decided this while I was counting my 145th packet of Chewy Caramel Tim Tams, listening to the man next to me counting under his breath in Chinese (you'd think this would be less annoying than someone counting out loud in English, but surprisingly it isn't).
Did you know that there's a confectionery company whose slogan is "making the world a better licorice place?" LAAAAZY. Guess we're just lucky it wasn't "It's a small licorice world after all" or "oh what a beautiful licorice morning" or "love is all you need licorice."
At least I was helpful yesterday. A random shopper mistook me for a supermarketeer or whatever you call people who work at the supermarket, and asked me where the salad dressings were. I said, "Aisle Seven." (Who knows? They could have been.)
I am officially done with getting up at 5am & counting bacon with "you gotta FIGHT / for your RIGHT / to PAAAARTAAAY" stuck in my head.
In other news - this is actual news - am doing the 48hour film festival this weekend. If you don't know what it is
Filth Mansion is a bitchin' band name.