Monday, June 22, 2009


*insert pun here

I'm back! Short post, though, as not only am I tired from 3 days of awesome big-city hijinks (hijinx?) but when I returned to the house about half an hour ago I discovered that my younger sister, who appears to have commandeered the brain of a particularly dense aquatic mammal for her own personal use, had not returned the spare house key (or my house key, which I left behind for guests to use) to the hiding place.

Up on the rubbish bin I climbed, wearing a LBD and a pair of heels, and out pried I a piece of glass from the cracked pane in the bathroom window. Thunk! went it to the ground. Reached in through the resulting hole did I, and levered the window open did I! Scraped by the glass was my arm. Out came the window! In went I! Halfway in. Stuck I was! Mighty push on the recycling bin lid I gave! In went I! Mighty crash there was! Over went the bin! BARK BARK BARK went the dog! SLAM went the window!

I stood up and there sat the keys, glowing faintly as if to mock me. I may have been a little excited and/or yelled, "Aha, I'm in now, motherfuckers!"

In conclusion, our Neighborhood Watch team are pretty fucking slack for not calling the cops on me.

I called Dad and told him about this drama. He said, "I brought you up right."

All this descriptive wank reminds me that I really must produce something for writers' group.

Anyway, the trip went so much better than expected - thank you for all your good luck wishes, they appear to have worked - and I will tell you all about it tomorrow, probably in a sick-makingly cutesy fashion. Apologies in advance for that. Post will also feature My Nephews and Anne Rice and The Zoo, if that's any more of an incentive.

Right now I am going to have a cup of tea. Nice, warm cup of tea.


Kaileigh said...

Glad your trip went well!!

a cat of impossible colour said...

Welcome back, say I!

Best word verification ever: arseduct. I don't think I need to explain.

Holly said...

Glad you had a good time.

LMFAO at you climbing in the window! I agree that your neighbourhood watch group DOES suck for not investigating the suspicious woman climbing in the bathroom window! I would have if I'd seen someone doing that! :D

Gary said...

I would be well impressed if you did not remove the heels before attempting to enter the window.

I would question your sanity, butI would be well impressed.

Josh said...

Haha! I used to live in a flat in the middle of town (the one opposite south city, I'm sure you remember) and I had to climb two storeys worth of pipes to get in the bathroom window. Somehow that didn't arouse suspicion either! I guess if you do it in broad daylight then everybody just assumes that it's your house - a burglar surely couldn't be THAT stupid!

...After consulting youtube, yes burglars CAN be that stupid. This video was my favourite