Tuesday, June 23, 2009

'Help'desk

I just had the following conversation.

Darlene: "Welcome to [university], you're speaking with Darlene."
Me: "Hi, I'm just wondering what the cutoff date for online enrolment is."
Darlene: "I'm not actually sure, but what I've been telling people is just to apply anyway and they'll get back to you."
Me: "Um...thanks?"
Darlene: "You're welcome! Have a good day."

Maybe all call centres should start working in this fashion. It would save money on minor things like staff training, and probably wouldn't have a huge effect on the overall helpfulness.
"Oh, your computer's broken? Huh, that sucks. Maybe just turn it off and then turn it back on again? Sometimes that works."
"Someone stole your credit card? Well, I guess you should probably cancel it. Bye!"
"Your child drank a litre of bleach? Well, um, take them to the doctor, I guess. I think that's what people usually do."

Andrea remarked yesterday that I keep using ampersands (&) and it occurred to me that a) this is weird, why am I doing it? and b) oh well, it's quicker than typing 'and' & I like to feel it adds an unpredictable, quirky flavour to my blog and c) 'ampersand' could very well be a verb that describes the way small animals move, as in, "the baby rabbits ampersanded across the lawn." Sort of like 'scamper,' I guess. But also like 'gambol' and 'walk' and 'hop.' Scampersand.

A whole fleet of ducklings (go on, look it up, I know my collective nouns) and their mamaduck (it is the duck equivalent of 'babymama') scampersanded past the window and back again when I was up in Auckland. We were in the city. I never see urban baby ducks here - it is yet another nail in Christchurch's coffin. I also have a faint cold fear that somewhere in that last paragraph I accidentally typed 'dick' instead of 'duck' and now you'll all be offended.

I have come to the final page in my notebook* and now I'm going to need a new one. If anyone wants to give me a notebook please let me know & I will let you know my address to send it to. Would prefer it if you were not a stalker but will take what I can get. I read through my existing notebook and found the following phrases, none of which make any sense and none of which I remember writing down - not only are there some weird phrases, but I appear to have made up a few words as well. If you can shed light on any of the following, please let me know:

'Fruit Horror' - this sounds pretty epic - was I planning a film?
'Dramatisation of Supermarket' - with horrific Fruit?
'Guipaua potRitz' - I don't remember writing this. Was I drunk?
'FWNMG!' - Fly, Winged Nubian Monkey Girls!

Also Josh and I were wondering if there is a market for prosthetic tail porn. (This stemmed from a conversation about how the world would be different if humans had tails.) Thoughts? Suggestions? Volunteers? Baby, I could make you a star.



*paper notebook, not computer notebook

5 comments:

Kaileigh said...

Well... I have never known the name for the ampersand. Everyone (even teachers) have always called it the "and symbol"... which is kinda sad to me that they didn't know it either. :(

Charlie said...

Hmm remind me never to call the university call center for anything...I love the ampersand, although I wish I could draw one freehand that would be awesome - oh and the prosthetic tail question, I think they do it with horse tails like 'pony play' but did you mean like monkey tails or something? Because that would be a whole new ball game...

Holly said...

You're thinking enrolling at university? To study what?

IT IS ALLY said...

Kaileigh - you learn something every day!

Charlie - I did indeed mean monkey tails. You wouldn't even need a second person.

Holly - Taxidermy! "Get Stuffed" is too good of a name to waste

Holly said...

*groan*