Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Lies

So my friend and fellow blogger Holly did a post a while back where she wrote three things, two of which were true and one of which was not, and people guessed which were which.

I thought I might do this as a) it seems like fun and b) it means I don't have to think of anything original this week and c) Mr London Street has been having a really good blogging run recently and I feel I need to up my game. (No link to his blog because then you'll all run off and read that and not this. Which doesn't mean that by linking Holly I was implying her blog is not good, because it is! Shit I have painted myself into a corner here. ALL OF YOUR BLOGS ARE VERY NICE and Mr LS is linked in the sidebar.)

Here are ten things. Five of them are true, and five of them are not true.

1) I have never been to a strip club, but I have auditioned to dance at one.

2) I used to date a guy who grew his toenails really long then cut them off and kept them in a jar, along with picked scabs and particularly large bits of peeled sunburn.

3) I have never broken a bone, but once I broke a boner.

...what do you mean, my new nickname is 'Crocodile Flange'?

4) It makes me really sad that the interrobang, my favourite punctuation mark, has fallen into disuse.

5) At the opening of the NZ School of Music, I played Ravel's 'Bolero' without any music because I went outside for a smoke beforehand and forgot to bring the music back in.

6) The most money I've ever spent on a single item was $150, on these shoes. Look at them, they're beautiful

7) When I was little, I believed that if you managed to cross your eyes but still focus on the Moon you were deserving of a wish, and tried this every night with varied success.


8) When I had a shaved head, I was spotted by a m
odel scout at a karaoke bar.

But I couldn't be a model because I had no mouth.

9) Once, on an ill-fated school trip to Tauranga, I was almost molested by a poker-playing fireman.

10) Once, on an ill-fated school trip to Blenheim, I was almost arrested by a tuba-playing policeman.



Now you can guess! Answers later.


Not on this list, but true: "I have no idea how to roast a chicken." not on this list because the following rant sort of...happened.
Seriously, how do people do this? 'Take out the insides & pop it in a bag', which is what people generally suggest (in a slightly superior manner) seems...suspiciously easy. Also, which insides do you take out? This brings back my fear of getting my hand stuck in the chicken. Also, what kind of a bag do you put it in? What size bag? (On that note, what size chicken do you need?) Does the chicken lie on his back, or on his front? We want him to be comfortable. What else goes in the bag? Some people seem to think you put flour in the bag and leave it there, some people put flour in the bag, shake it about, then tip the flour out again; some put flour on the chicken (which parts of the chicken? All of it? A light dusting of flour? Copious amounts of flour?) and some don't use any flour at all and maintain that using flour will make your chicken explode.* Also, do you poke holes in the bag? If not, will it explode? I am afraid of exploding my chicken. How many holes do you poke? How big are the holes? Fork size? Hand size? Presumably not chicken size, or it will fall out again. Also, what about roast veges? Am pretty sure they don't go in the bag. Do they just sit in the tray? Won't they stick to the bottom? Do I have to turn them over? Do I have to turn the chicken over? Let's just have takeaways again.

*well, no, I made this up, but it could happen

edit: two days ago, after I wrote the chicken ramble, I managed to cook a perfectly nice roast chicken all by myself.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

No: 4 is definitely true.

Josh said...

If number 3 were true, it would most certainly exist in haiku form...

Wigu is updating again! Weeeeeeee

Charlie said...

hmm could no1 be true- because wouldn't you have to go to the club to audition..? I think 4, 5, 7, 8, 10 are true. 10 because it seems less traumatic than 9.... but then again I am just randomly guessing, they could all be true...This is too hard...

Riadan said...

I can vouch for number three

IT IS ALLY said...

Josh - yay wigu yay yay!

Ri - hehe. Sorry about that.

Mr London Street said...

One thing I like about you is that all 10 of those things could easily be true.

It's also of you to say something so complimentary about my blog which of course all your readers should flock to. And whoever has been pointed at your haiku post by that scurrilous mail going round.