Onesie Party (!!!)*

Pronounced 'Onesie Party (Chk Chk Chk),' in cadence

I have spent the morning shopping, cleaning and restoring the turd-festooned lawn to its former droppingless glory because tonight, my sister Kate and I are hosting the Onesie Party! Two of our cousins are coming, and we're all wearing our onesies. (We all bought them on the same day, more or less purely so we could have a onesie party.) It's going to be the social event of the year.

As well as costume, the onesie theme extends to food - all of the snacks will be Things You Can Eat In One Bite, and they will all have to be eaten in one bite. "What if you don't eat it in one bite," said cousin Lucy, "what happens then?" There was a stunned silence while we glared at her. "You just do." "But..." "There is only eat and do not eat. There is no 'eat in two bites.'"

They're bringing some food as well, but so far we have, rated by difficulty level, the following foods.

Lollies (not difficult)
Chips (slightly complex, if you get a big 'un)
Mini cream puffs (easy! apart from the cream.)
Mini spring rolls (easy as pissing in a can! stupid saying, pissing in a can is not actually that easy)
Cocktail sausages (difficult. But not unachievable.)
Mini savouries (in hindsight, these are probably 2-bite items but it is too late now)

My aunt, who called with a dinner invitation, summed it up well, saying the entire concept reminded her of "those...those Teletubbies, standing around, pushing food into their mouths." "Well," I said, "that's pretty much how it's going to be."

I'm excited. Are you excited? I will let you know how it goes, and if anyone has to go to hospital after shoving an entire sausage roll in their mouth and blocking their airways.


In other, also faintly exciting news, I recently got back in contact with my childhood best friend, who I haven't seen in somewhere between 10 and 12 years (no-one really seems sure about the exact timing) and who is now coming to visit in a couple of weeks! Sort of by accident. Everyone got overexcited and now there are plane tickets. He totally has a mad crush on me but then doesn't everyone? Hopefully we'll still get along well in person. If not, well, we'll just have to get rotten stinking drunk and reminisce, which - wait that was the plan anyway.

Interestingly, we seem to have pretty much stumbled drunkenly down the same life path, and turned out fairly similar except I have way better grammar and spelling skillz, and he turned out kind of hot he is in a band. Um, visualise me, but a taller, male, somewhat more badass me. Less hair, more tattoos and swearing. You can tell how good of a writer I am by my descriptive work. The more I describe, the gooder it gets.

Haha! Kate, who has just spent five minutes hunting about for the dog's leash to take him for a walk, just came into the room laughing uproariously, clutching the leash, and shouting "I found a lead!" in her best detective voice. Best. Sister. Ever.

EDIT: Kate and I have been reduced to the ultimate in weekend afternoon entertainment - not only did we play a board game, but we made the board game we played! It is called Dragon, Castle, Troll Wizard Adventures and it's one of those frustrating games where you end up hating everyone else and swearing a lot. (I won.) There's a Time Out chair drawn in the middle of the board, and if you land on the Time Out squares you have to go to Time Out for a turn. There are also Ninja squares (send someone else back 3 squares/to time out), 'go back' squares (a dragon scorches you/oh shit, troll) 'go forward' squares (find rocket boots/Wizard Worm blesses you), TRUTH OR DARE squares, a banana square where you slip on a banana skin and have to go back about half the length of the board, a Risky Biscuit square where you shout "Risky Biscuit!" and roll the dice (1,2,3 = go forward; 4,5,6 means you got caught eating the biscuit and have to go to Time Out), and of course, Eaten By A Bear! Back To The Start, in which you are eaten by a bear and have to go back the start.

Best. Game. Ever. Especially 'cause Kate and I, neither of whom are overly artistically gifted, drew the entire thing ourselves. Complete with bananas, biscuits, bear, dragon, mudhole, ninjas, troll, rocket boots, and Wizard Worm. I'll take a photo sometime.