Monday, July 20, 2009

Disney Princess

Post 299!

I acquired a very Disney-like dress today. It's navy, has little puffy cap sleeves and a tulle bottom and bows and other stuff like that. I have no idea where I'm ever going to wear it, but it is a perfect fit! I was surprised that a small host of tame birds and woodland creatures didn't appear to help me put it on, while I burst into song (soprano range, obviously) and twirled around in circles. Being me, I got excited and walked home from Andrea's in the dress, teaming it with the red jacket, cowboy boots and fingerless gloves from my existing outfit. The overall impression was of a down-at-heel Disney princess who had been reduced to playing illicit card games with dwarves and staying one step ahead of the law. I'll take a photo sometime.

In other news, here is The Actual News, as presented by our local paper! (Shut your trap, I am being topical and relevant and am out of personal news. I promise not to do this every day.)

Here are the highlights.

"Activists horrified as rat frozen to death"- in which a Canterbury art student freezes a rat for an art project and animal rights groups are not pleased. However, one must consider: is the rat still the art, or has the protest become the art? Better title would have been "Activists unwittingly further career of morbid-minded art student." If he was a real artist he would've frozen something a little more challenging, like a horse. When Dad and I were thinking of opening a taxidermy business ("Get Stuffed", we would call it) we weren't going to do horses at all, because they were too big- we'd do domestic animals, small children and midgets ("Stuff my midget" sounds a bit rude, doesn't it) but not horses. We'd practice on guinea-pigs and hamsters (all of which would, of course, have died of natural causes) and mount these on poles and sell them to people to put on their dining room tables and that's Art.

"Skate park's new bowl 'gnarly with a g'" - as opposed to with an N, I presume.

"Brash Tipped" - in which Don Brash, one of our least exciting political figures, is the leading candidate for some job or other. Headline v misleading, only read this as thought someone had pushed him over, like you might push a cow.

"Weight gain problem for Asian immigrants" - in which, whoops, we appear to be making our dinkiest new citizens fat. Did you know that NZ, as well as being virtually over-run by both sheep and hobbits (as I speak, a sheep-mounted hobbit army is laying siege to Timaru) is now the third fattest country in the world? The best thing about this news being released is watching people hold forth on how in other countries it's not measured properly and how in NZ we're just more honest about our weight. And yet still the world says "Hey, NZ! Who ate all the pies?"

In other news, Brazilian Labour Ministry's website forces Brazilian jobseekers to type in such passwords as 'bum.' Labour Minister apologises.

While we're in the paper, let's have a look at the Escorts ads for the week and pretend we were just scanning the Births & Deaths column, or possibly have become lost looking for the Situations Vacant ads! Damn, they're all quite boring. I am not about to blog about specific examples because there might be a few people out there who aren't yet totally convinced I am a lousy human being, but check out the In Memoriam column of your local paper sometime - I guarantee that if you can forget about the anguish of the mourners their appalling poetry will give you many a giggle.

Tomorrow, Post 300! Hopefully what I am going to write comes to me in a dream tonight.

Amusing Scientific Name of the Day
Falcipennis Falcipennis (the Siberian Spruce Grouse).
I guess maybe it has two penises which are not actually penises at all.


Madame DeFarge said...

A fascinating insight into local news. I'm surprised that your dress didn't make it in there too. Why did you buy the dress? Just for the fit?

IT IS ALLY said...

Purely for the fit! Also because it made me feel like a Disney princess, and even though I spend an awful lot of time being a cynical hard-ass I do have the odd moment of not wanting to be one.

Holly said...

Heheh that dress does sound rather cute! :O