Monday, July 27, 2009

Oh yeah, title goes here

Hello, everybody! Those of you who follow the blog or use readers may have noticed that I accidentally posted a partially finished abomination earlier in the day - sorry about this, I was trying to italicise a word beginning with 'P' and instead of hitting Ctrl-I I hit Ctrl-P in the confusion. You may also notice that today my font is centred! It says it's left-aligned, but this is obviously untrue. No, I can't fix it. No, I don't care. I am pretending that it is on purpose. Something about importing photos straight from Picasa (this is the first time I have done this) seems to fuck up the formatting and I am so bloody sick of mucking about with this particular post that I am just going to let it be. Sorry if the spacing is also shit.
Have just spent a ridiculous amount of time with my mother, converting well-known lethal drinking game Circle of Death into educational, food-word-focused game for small Koreans.
Mum: "This is a great game - did you just make it up?"
Me: "No, it's an old drinking game."
Mum is suddenly much less impressed by my in-depth knowledge of the rules.
Anyway, it is now only 2 days until the following things happen:
1. It is My Birthday
2. The IRD give me free money! my tax return
3. I hunt down and kill whoever was responsible for centred text.
If you were thinking of getting me a birthday present - and let's face it, who wasn't - what I really need is socks. Yeah, I know, socks are a pretty fucking lame birthday present but this morning my mother wandered into my room, three mismatched socks dangling sadly from her hand, and said, "Alas! The remains of a once-great empire."

She is right. All of my socks are pairless, hole-ridden and threadbare, and I need more, and I really resent this. Socks, I feel, are one of Life's Necessities that you shouldn't have to spend money on, like toilet paper and stockings and phone credit. They should just automatically arrive from the government once a year (on your Birthday, or on National Sock Day) - I propose that when a person is born they are allotted a certain number of socks/loo rolls etc. and only when they run out do they have to buy more. That being said, it may not be a great idea as a) I would probably have run out of my allotted socks by now anyway and b) yesterday I was suggesting that convicted murderers be sold at auction instead of imprisoned*, so my ideas are not always given the weight that they deserve.
There are now three (3) possible plans for My Tax Refund.

1. Save It like an Adult

2. Have a poker night, transforming house (although probably not my house - any volunteers?) into whiskey and cigar-laden den of iniquity

3. Buy many plane tickets** and take myself on holiday! I really shouldn't do this, it is financially irresponsible, but it's also really tempting, especially the visiting-people-I-haven't-seen-in-ages part of it. Here is my proposed itinerary:
Go to Nelson and see Mein Papa (to me he is so wonderful) for a couple of days.
Depart Nelson for Wellington - stay there for a week or so.
Depart Wellington for Whakatane, Napier and other places in the same general area (i.e. The North Island) where I know a couple of people who will take me in for a night.
Next step is unclear - possibly go up to Auckland, unless I am a) bored or b) out of money, in which case I will just go home again, possibly via Wellington.
Oh it is such a nice idea. God damn it I hate this fucking centred font.
Anyway, moving on, here are Disney dress pictures! Sorry they're a bit dark.

Dress as it actually is

Dress as it makes me feel

Dress as it- wait, this is just me being a poser
*this sprung from a conversation Zach and I were having about how the main problem with murderers is that they tend to kill the wrong people (I know, I know, it's right up there with "the government should ban IVF because it's fucking up natural selection") and could be put to better use if aimed in the right direction.

**unless someone wants to go on a road trip with me? BYO car.

Also: Plane Tickets and Cyanide would be quite a good album name.


katiecakes! said...

i'm going to get you some fucking awesome socks because then i am one step closer to being your fuckbuddy <3 WHICH IS MY DREAM.

IT IS ALLY said...

FUCK YEAH PRESENTS also your dream is a pretty common one this week but sweet! <3 also you totally can't go back on this sock-buying promise now.

also technically welcome to timb!* which I try to say to all my new commenters even thought I kind of internet know you? hmm. HIIII

katiecakes! said...

in addition to buying you socks i will also buy more socks to suffocate my love rivals with.

IT IS ALLY said...

that's very practical of you

Charlie said...

You will have to do a special post on your birthday to honor the occasion.
I am going to spend all my ird money on online shopping this shows how responsible I am - I reason this way - it's not real money - it was tax money - I was money that technically never existed so I don't have to treat it like real money so I do what ever the hell I want with it!

I vote for den of inequity!

I love the Disney dress and the gloves, plus little Bambi is so cute

IT IS ALLY said...

Charlie - I like your idea of it being magical free unicorn money. Yeah the poker game is going to happen, have been talking about it for bloody months now. Want to come? :)

Bambi is cute. We hang out all the time now that I have my Disney dress

Mr London Street said...

I had no idea you could look quite so arch.

The ability to look that arch deserves a paragraph of its own on your cv.

Holly said...

Hmm, I am very sad that I did not read this post before I purchased Actual Present. I think it is safe to say (since you've probably already guessed by the size/shape of package) that it is not socks. Oops. :P

Hmm, I wonder if the IRD has any free money for me...!? o.O

I really like the Disney dress, it is very pretty. :)

a cat of impossible colour said...

Arch! You are Archie! That's how clever England has made me.

I vote for saving it but having a very little splurge. Sorry. As you know, I am Mostly Responsible. (FOR GLOBAL WARMING).


Madame DeFarge said...

I'll buy you Snow Whit socks to go with your dress. Socks and a dress are such a cool look.

Baglady said...

Give me your address and I will send you THE MOST AMAZING SOCKS EVER and you will be forced to be my new best friend FOR EVER AND EVER.

Though they might be a bit late what with me not having posted them yet and you being rather far away.

Maybe you could ask the bluebirds and squirrels to source you some.

Am with you on the IVF but am forbidden from saying such a thing on my own blog for fear of upsetting friends and family. Doris Day was right. Que sera sera.

wv=untodsp. A Swedish word used to describe that feeling you get when you step in a puddle that you didn't see was there and you are wearing shoes that are not so watertight.

IT IS ALLY said...

Mr LS - I didn't even know 'arch' was in my repertoire! Thank you for further inflating my opinion of myself.

Holly - thank you! Thank you also for present, which I haven't opened yet :)

Andrelles - if I am Archie, you are Bald. Missu2!

Madame DF - yes, you're right! I should have worn socks with that.

Baglady - the nice thing about this blog is that I can be quite offensive, it is that sort of blog. Address to follow!