Thank you for the luck, everyone! It seems to have worked as I have another (final) interview tomorrow, with larger kahunas. Once again my bullshitting skills came through, as did my other, more basic skills: no, not that. My typing speed is 62 words per minute which is, according to the interviewer, "awesome." HELL YEAH IT'S AWESOME I DON'T EVEN TOUCH TYPE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HIRE ME.
It has been a good day. Here's a brief rundown:
Got into town pre-interview and had a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. I know that buying coffee from Starbucks is evil at best and at worst misguided, but until I find a better caramel macchiato then I will continue to go there, despite the truly awful jazz they fire at you. Had a brief attack of wind after my coffee, but luckily there was still 15 minutes before my interview so I had time to furiously expel it all in the Starbucks bathroom.
Interview itself went well - a bit of a chat and three tests (one plain typing, one spelling (wtf kind of job requires you to spell 'baleage' correctly?) and one over-the-phone typing/dictation test in which the interviewer pretended to be a hooker placing a Classified ad and I had trouble not getting the giggles) and then we were done.
Went to the library to look for a book and was accosted by a librarian wielding a plate of cake! Turns out that this very day it is the 150th Birthday of the Library, and that it was having a small, quiet, bookish sort of a party. I tried very hard not to get any cake on my book.
After that I suddenly thought, "Good God, they might call me for another interview, and I have already worn my interview outfit!" So I bought a little black pencil skirt. Then I realised that my pasty hams are not about to land me any jobs, and bought tights. Then I realised that any of my existing shoes, worn with the new skirt, would make me look like a) a librarian or b) a hooker so I bought some nice black court shoes. Then I thought I might as well get a new shirt and THIS IS HOW CREDIT CARD DEBT STARTS, PEOPLE.
Then I had lunch at a classy little Merivale establishment with a sign on the door that said, "I do work, you just have to push really hard" which would have been a good slogan for my old team.
Then I came home and was greeted by our dog, who had gorged himself on beef korma and now has a yellow beard and terrible, terrible curry breath. You can smell him when he enters the room. It is revolting. What is worse is that I didn't realise until I had already given him a big hello hug, and now I am also delicately scented with curry.
Then the job people rang and asked me to come back in tomorrow, so whoopee.
Next up: off to teach small Korean children the joys of the English language! What an exciting day. Hope they like curry.
More luck for interview tomorrow, please! In the line of other things requiring luck and taking place tomorrow, I am going to see a Clinical Psychologist, who (whom?) my mother is insisting I visit following a drunken incident which I found hilarious but which absolutely no-one else has seemed to appreciate. (Philistines.) I don't like to be rude, but in many ways I think psychology is more or less a load of hooey and I fought very hard to have an upgrade to a Psychiatrist (I mean, if I am going to have my head read I would at least like it read by someone who can prescribe controlled substances) but I did not get away with this. New plan is to tell the psychologist lots of lies. (My Mother: "Think what a fascinating treat you'll make for a psychologist!" Thank you, Mother.)
I also suggested acupuncture, reiki and 'if you really want to make me more stable you could just give me $140 a week' (for yes, my friends, that is what an hour with a psychiatrist costs these days - all I can say is, she better put out) but these suggestions were not taken up.
I am going because a) it will make my mother happy and b) it will make for interesting blogging and c) maybe I will get something out of it HAHAHAHAH I DON'T EVEN TOUCH TYPE.
Will let you know how it goes. Is Ally really crazy, or just easily entertained? Find out tomorrow, on....TIMB* : Post-Psychoanalysis!