Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Another Work Post

Date post will be tomorrow. I promise.

This is a quick post because I want to go to bed and read my book, not entertain you lot I have to feed the homeless in ten minutes. Har har. No, I went to the awards for that short story contest I entered a while back (I did not win, thus confirming my belief that 'serious writing' is not something I should dabble my funny little toes in) then came home and proofread slash rewrote an assignment of Kate's.

Also a woman at work has set her phone to "make a frog noise" instead of "ring like everyone else's phone" and I have almost ground my teeth down to stumps. Spent quite a bit of the afternoon setting an ad for a stumpgrinder - imagine being one of them. "What do you do?" "I am a stumpgrinder." "How interesting! What, um, exactly does that entail?" "Grind stumps."

However, I thought it would be unfair of me not to share a few of the ads I read today. (Funny, really, that when I was unemployed I spent most of the day reading the Classified ads and drinking coffee, and now that I am employed nothing has changed.) I should point out that I'm allowed to tell you about these as they have been published, etc.

"EQUESTRIAN - Country rides for horseless riders."
Are they just going to go for a run, or something? Will it be like that childhood game where you 'gallop' about while someone whacks a pair of coconut halves together? Hmmm.

"CHURCH NOTICES - Sharing the Word of God and the Love of God. No earplugs needed."
Maybe they're making a little joke about how everyone can hear the WoG (what? doesn't everyone abbreviate Word of God? And, for that matter, the LoG? Next time I go to Church I think I might have to stand up and shout, "Is anyone else feeling the LoG!?" or perhaps write it in the visitors' book. While in your lovely church I felt the LoG). Alternatively - and I like to think that this is the case - they are a forceful sort of a church and sometimes their services require earplugs. (But not this week. And they didn't want people to bring them and be disappointed.)

"FRIDGE 3 Way Wanted"
'Sir? Sir, I believe you may be advertising in the wrong column. 'Escort Whiteware' is a different section.'

"COW FEED 5 CU.M LOADS."
Sometimes when we are exploring the English language we come across words that should never be shortened for the sake of convenience. Words like 'cubic metres.'

Anyway, I'm writing this on Mum's computer, in her room, and she keeps falling asleep and dropping her book, so I had best go. Date post tomorrow! Will let you know how the chicken dish went.

3 comments:

mysterg said...

That's a hell of a lot of cum! Unless they got confused...I thought my milk tasted funny this morning!

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

I'm still laughing at the cum loads!

IT IS ALLY said...

Honestly you guys are SO IMMATURE