Today at work I learnt how to set ads! (The basics, anyway. Borders are still beyond me.) I can now say things like 'breakback' and 'liner impact'* with almost total confidence, and make the little bell symbol - apparently this symbol does not exist on Blogger so I can't show you, but just imagine it being pretty impressive. Maybe you could push the 'delete' button on your number pad and if it makes an omega symbol then that is what I am meaning. Only we call it a bell because it looks like one. Or something. They have not explained that yet, but the bell is the basis of all the ad-setting magic I can now do.
I also learnt that I'm not meant (read: allowed) to mention any ad information before the issue goes to press (look at me, talkin' all fancy) and therefore it would be highly unprofessional of me to advise any reading Cantabrians to keep an eye out for a public notice about a stolen toilet seat in the next few days. "Andrea," someone asked my team leader, "will we publish 'dunny?'"
Turns out that we will. However we can't say 'stolen' or 'taken' unless the Police (I totally just typed that with a black American accent) have confirmed it. So it has been 'removed.' (This hypothetical toilet, sorry, 'dunny' seat.) There is a reward. It is $100. The ad-setter spelt 'dunny' wrong. ('dunni.') My new job is weird.
Have to get ready for date now - am going to TFC's house for dinner/movie (a classic combination.) He is going to cook something involving chicken and onions and beetroot - quite frankly it sounds disgusting but he obviously rates his cooking highly and I am going to be Polite. Frankly, though, the weather is shit and I cba and would rather stay at home and play NetHack** - is this bad? I need advice, preferably from someone like Andrea who, when she advises you, realise that what you are actually asking for is permission to do something you're feeling slightly guilty about and usually grants this. Rationalise this for me, people!
However, if I stay at home I have to clean my room, and for some reason the dog smells disgusting, so maybe going out won't be such a bad thing.
*as in, "I went on a cruise once but it was shit - we narrowly avoided a head-on liner impact, and all the waiters were a bit, you know, breakback." :(
**even though my character, who is currently drunk and wielding Excalibur, just attacked a priest by accident
7 comments:
Cool Job. Well definitely look out for any suspicious dunny seat type people, just in case they've escaped to Oz. Have fun on your date. Blog if it's embarressing.
I hope you went on date! I want to hear about it.
tfc date really warrants a whole post
Sounds like your Weird New Job will provide a lot of blog fodder in the future! Excellent!
Read the 'chicken, onion beetroot' combo and was thinking pleeeease dont let her say how marvellous that sounds in a early dating positive glow kinda way. Thank heavens you did not. It does indeed sound disgusting and your saying so has made be love this blog more. You are delightfully honest, lady!
Why would anyone steal a toilet seat? Or advertise for its safe return?
Tenn - Thanks for keeping an eye out for dunny burglars (that sounds rude). Vigilance is key!
Andrea - you will!
sas - it will!
Holly - it will!
Jude - even early dating glow has its limits :p
mysterg - I'm not sure why they stole it, but apparently it's a historic item. I am not even kidding.
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