Back!

Sorry about the hiatus, everyone! I see that during my brief absence someone has decided to unfollow me - what a dick. Seriously, who does that? (I am going to find out who does that and spam them mercilessly with pictures of genitals. Ugly ones.)

I walked to work today. And back. It took an hour each way! It was so refreshing! I felt so invigorated and healthy! Jesus God I cannot wait to get paid and take the bus like a normal citizen.

My mother saw mating kiwis today. I said, "are you sure it wasn't just two rocks on top of each other" because I know firsthand that sometimes it's kind of an easy mistake to make but apparently not, as they were "poking their beaks about and making snuffling noises." Gross! Kiwi sex. Worst national bird ever. We were talking the other day about how NZ birds are not unlike New Zealanders - they arrived here from distant shores, realised that flying took a lot of energy and as there were no mammalian predators why bother? So they gave a collective 'meh,' and became fat and ground-dwelling. Our national bird is a couch potato.

Anyway, moving swiftly along; work is still going well! Have not yet got around to scanning My Very First Ad (it was a death notice) but I will do this at some point. Apart from that work has been disappointingly dull - updates as they happen, people. Surely something amusing will occur. SURELY. I am settling in and getting to know everybody - will write more about them when I know them all a little better. Maybe I'll introduce you to them gradually.

My favourite colleague so far is Lorraine, who is about 45, 5'2 and shaped like a badly thrown pot. She has bright earrings and thick glasses and tiny eyes and is a shameless gossip (but a very well-meaning soul.) This morning she ate too many jellybeans and became over-excited until Lisa (a jaded buxom 40-something blonde who is remarkably sharp in both wit and nose), took the jellybeans away. (I like Lisa as well. She is, so far, the most interesting person in the office. My boss warned me that Lisa was 'a dissenter,' thus instantly endearing her to me. I was the office dissenter at my old job, and I was always entertaining. To myself.)

(There was a paragraph here which was trying to be witty and incisive and political but I just ended up ranting about Gerry Brownlee eating my taxes again so I deleted it. Guess you didn't really need to know that, just wanted you to know that I'm puttin' on the ritz in the effort.)

Things coming up this week that I will eventually tell you about include - New date! New psychologist! New Spaper! AH HA HA HA fuck I need to either get more sleep or come off all this acid