Today I wrote to the Prime Minister to suggest a new advertising campaign for Bathroom Safety.
This morning I read an article which informed me that in the last financial year 17,000 ACC (Accident Compensation Something) claims had been approved for people who had injured themselves in the bathroom. This led me to wonder if perhaps the Government should stop spending so much money on road safety campaigns and, perhaps, spend a little more time and money on bathroom safety campaigns.
'Not enough attention is being given to the important and much-neglected area of bathroom safety,' I said.
My concern inspired me to draft the following ad, which I have emailed to the Rt Hon John Key, a Prime Minister who based much of his campaign on being an Unpretentious, Middle-Class Man of the People.
SCENE: An unpretentious, middle-class bathroom. A silhouette is visible behind the shower curtain. Sound of RUNNING WATER is heard. JOHN KEY, wearing an unpretentious, middle-class shower cap in National Party blue and brandishing a long-handled loofah, pops his head cheerily out from behind the curtain and grins a cheeky grin.
JOHN: Sometimes, being New Zealand's Prime Minister means taking risks.
CUT to shot of JOHN KEY standing up in Parliament and shouting. CUT back to SHOWER.
JOHN: But there's one place I never compromise on safety.
CUT to the floor of the shower, where JOHN KEY'S FEET can be seen planted firmly on a rubber bathmat in National Party blue. CUT back to JOHN KEY'S FACE.
JOHN: In the last year, bathroom-related accidents were the cause of over 17,000 ACC claims. PAUSE. Don't become a statistic.
CUT to scene of ELDERLY WOMAN falling over in bath. CUT back to JOHN KEY'S FACE.
JOHN: I'd rather fall from power, than fall in the shower.
I certainly hope he replies.