Thursday, October 01, 2009

Butter Fountain

You know what would be awesome? A restaurant where there was a fountain of molten butter in the atrium. Or perhaps a restaurant with a butter sculpture in the middle of the floor, and whenever any of the patrons or staff needed butter they could just go up and scrape some off. The sculpture would be of David Hasselhoff. Also, a row of statues of small urinating boys, each one of which dispensed a different dessert topping - you'd get your dessert, pick a statue, tickle him under the chin and, thanks to a carefully placed motion sensor, out the topping would squirt! It was originally suggested that you would activate the dispensor by pulling on a handle located you-know-where (willy) but I dismissed this as crass.

Went to Le Burlesque Cirque last night - it was a joint venture by a local burlesque troop and the local circus school (I am not making this up) and it was freakin' awesome. It was at a jazz bar, and the entire place had a hugely festive air. At one point I found myself competing for service at the bar with a dreadlocked stilt-walker wearing a top hat, and everyone was dramatically made up and wearing waistcoats over bare chests and so on. Kind of like a carnival, but the good, dramatic, gypsy sort, not the weird midget sort. There was a girl who swung from a hoop in the ceiling, and a woman who came onstage with enormous green butterfly wings and proceeded to do a saucy dance, and a sword swallowing juggler (yes, both at once) and many other things besides. I was kinda tempted to run away and join the circus (not that I would have to run very far as the circus school is about three blocks from my work) so that I too could stack chairs up then do handstands on them, and swallow swords, and juggle. (Maybe not juggle. Juggling is definitely the ugly cousin of the circus arts.) The burlesque side of it was also very good, especially a rather faux-coy girl who came out covered in balloons and left the stage without an intact balloon in sight. Class act. I should learn.

Then I had the following conversation which amused me greatly and which my friend Sarah says is "possibly the best description of me ever":

My friend: "You really are mad, aren't you."
Me: "What makes you say that?"
Friend: "I'm not sure I should say."
Me: "Say! Say!"
Friend: "You have a twinkle in your eye that says, 'I am very intelligent, but I am also quite mad.'"

Ah, the power of a good observation. I was briefly miffed by my own transparency, but then I got into a discussion about the best way to paint a tortoise* and forgot about it.

Idea for a coffee table book: photos of celebrities doing things one wouldn't expect. This hinges largely on the concept of 'would you go to see David Bowie knit a jersey' which is a resounding 'yes, yes I would.' Especially if it was a David Bain jersey. "Bowie Knits Bain," the poster would say.

Anyway I spent 10 hours (!!!) at work today and made a total of 107 ads, which at slightly under 6 minutes per ad is not a bad effort, and what with that and last evening's entertainment I am shagged. (Figuratively speaking.) So to bed!

*Like a pirate.


James said...

Do you remember that Valentines restaurant that used to be on Moorhouse Ave? Well they actually did have a butter sculpture! It was a horse if I remember correctly, but you weren't allowed to eat it :)

Not sure how they stopped it melting..

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

I thought everyone knew that the best way to paint a tortoise was as a pirate. That's just common knowledge isn't it?

Holly said...

Haha that would be awesome, kind of like a chocolate fountain, only less chocolatey.

Joff said...

Melbourne is currently awash with Burlesque shows and acts. There's at least one good one each week. There's even a Burlesque Life Drawing class.

Awesome :)

sas said...

i always thought a good party favour would be a dwarf/midget (whatever they all have freaky little hands) was covered in pate wandering around with trays of crackers.

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