Five Reasons I Like Fridays
1. Casual Fridays. It's not that I relish the opportunity to throw off my corporate duds and Express Myself through dubious fashion choices. I like my corporate duds primarily because my fashion choices are so dubious. However, I have recently come to realise that Casual Fridays rock because I can wear my really long jeans, and once I get to work I can casually remove my shoes, kick them into the darkness below my desk then wander round in bare feet all day and no-one can tell! Not even the deputy head of advertising, who I ran into on the stairs.
2. Friday means a busy morning, but a completely slow afternoon. (I was going to say 'completely dead afternoon,' but we sometimes get birth notices as well.) Property ad deadline for the weekend paper is 1pm ("no fun 'til after one," says my boss - a word turd if I ever heard one (I heard a word turd!)) and so the morning is flat out. Then it gets to 1pm and everything stops and all we have to process is family notices and I do no work all afternoon. Wheeeee!
3. When I say 'busy morning' I mean 'busy three hours,' because on Fridays I start at 10am instead of 8am. This is another reason why I like Fridays.
4. The staff at the cafe next door to the office, who provide $2 coffees for newspaper staff, know that it's our busy morning and quite often give me free coffees and sympathy biscuits. This is why you should always, always befriend cafe staff.
5. I get to tell people they have missed the deadline, which is a nasty little pleasure. A typical call goes like this. The subtext is in italics.
Me: "Good afternoon, you're speaking with Ally." I hope this is an easy call.
Customer, rudely: "Yes. I need to put a To Let ad in." I am Very Busy and Important.
Me: "OK! Which day was this for?" What a dick. I really hope he's missed deadline.
AC: "Tomorrow." Obviously. You idiot.
Me: "Ohhh....ah, unfortunately that section's closed for tomorrow." HA HA HA HA HA YOU WANKER
AC: "What?" How could this possibly have happened to me?
Me: "The deadline was at 1pm." HA HA HA HA
AC: "But it's only five past!" That's practically one!
Me: "Mmm." I am not going to apologise for your disorganisation, buddy.
AC: "Can't you put it in??" They must make an exception for me.
Me: "No...no. The systems close off at one. Would you like to put it in for next week?" Fuck you, buddy.
AC: "No." Fuck you too.
Or another version:
AC: "When's the deadline for a Property for Sale for tomorrow?"
Me: "Nine o'clock this morning."
AND A BRAND NEW REASON
SOMEONE HAS JUST DUG UP A BOTTLE OF BUBBLES
WOOOOO SPRING BREAK
oh god oh god I must not get pissed and fuck up the death notices oh god.
(New colleague just stood up and asked, "What do we do with the empty glasses?" Office shouts, in manner of enthusiastic Greek chorus: "Refill them!")