Saturday, October 10, 2009

Post from Afar*

*This post. It is very long. And for this, I apologise.

"And the three wise men came from afar." That joke about "are they firemen?" is stuck in my head. I am in Wellington again! You know how I do that thing on Friday mornings when I get all over-excited by payday and decide to fly up for the weekend.

Also I get to catch up with old friends (who say nice things like, "I don't read your blog 'cause it makes me cranky") and maybe make some new friends? But probably not. I have enough friends. Blog followers, though, are always required. HINT.

Good time to answer the remaining (mistype: 'reaming') questions!

From Tennyson:

What are your three standard dishes when cooking?

Tiramisu is a standard. I am famous for my tiramisu. You can find the recipe here. I also make a pretty good Tom Yum soup, although I haven't cooked that in a while 'cause it's a bit of a hassle and you get prawn shells all over. Lemon pudding is also a stock recipe of mine 'cause you can substitute just about anything, which is great when it's time for dinner and there is flour, sugar, cooking oil, cinnamon and half a cabbage* in the cupboard. Also, you have a lemon tree.

*you don't use the cabbage

If we call you New Zealanders Kiwis, what do you call us Australians? Apart from Sir, Madam?
Usually we try to avoid thinking about you. Sometimes, though, we call you 'Aussies.'

From Baglady: When you were little what did you want to be when you grew up (and did it involve dancing in your onesie on YouTube)?
I don't really remember! I definitely wanted to be a scientist at some point - the discovering-things kind of scientist - and then it was a geneticist for a while. A bit later on I wanted to be a diplomat. When I was very small indeed, I wanted to be a train. Of all of these, 'train' now seems most likely.

From otherworldly1:
1) All of a sudden someone behind you whispers in your ear, "This will only hurt for a minute". What is your immediate reaction and what do you think they are talking about?
My immediate reaction is to brace myself as I am probably going to have an injection in my bum (remind me to tell you about the interesting but unglamorous time I had a boil on my bum sometime). Or perhaps a tattoo of a bear.

2) Best pick up line EVER. Go.
Gah! I'm not sure. People rarely use pickup lines on me, but I still like, "Do you clean your pants with window cleaner? 'Cause I can see myself in them," and, "You seem to have lost your penis! Quick, grab mine!" Or saying, "Is this seat taken?" and grabbing someone's bum. I know that I know better pickup lines than those, though - I will think about this and get back to you.

From Lety:

Do you ever post personals ads in your new job? Anything weird there?
Occasionally - they aren't usually very strange, though. Which is disappointing.

How's therapy? Mine's good.
It's good! We are learning about Responsibility Pie, which I will explain later. Basically it means you never have to feel guilty about anything ever again. I'm not sure how well suited I am to therapy. (I'm glad yours is good.) I wonder if psychologists have anonymous blogs because man, I would really like to read that.

Did Michael Jackson's death affect you one way or the other?
Not really, no. I was/am too young to have been affected by his music, so being affected by his death would've been strange.

What do your exes miss about you? I don't mean that in a mean way, at all--what are the qualities you think they want other than free sex?
This was actually the question I had to think about the most. There's a huge list of things it definitely isn't, but in the end I went with a) being fun & entertaining to be around and b) I can be quite kind. But it's mainly the free sex. Also, I pay for things.

And finally, from Zach. I'm not even sure if this is a question, but it's totally worth posting.

On District 9 when they are introducing the Nigerian gangsters in the slum they show this banging hot chick and intone, "Inter-special prostitution." I, for one, am disappointed they didn't make more of this. Does this make me:
a) An astute student.
b) Is "special" the right way to write "inter-species"? I don't know this because they stopped teaching English that way by the time I got to high school.
c) Some kind of freak who wants to see people fuck aliens? By the way, I think this is pretty normal so c) isn't really an option.
d) Having sex with aliens is normal so does I guess the director:
i) wanted people to think about fucking aliens so it became more of a mainstream thing.
ii) is a racist and he was saying, "I don't want to see aliens having sex with Nigerians because I don't want to see Nigerians naked."
iii) Man, I can't wait until they show alien sex on Shortland Street because I'm pretty sure lower-middle class New Zealand would riot. Probably middle class and low class too.
iv) Am I part of the bourgeoisie? Will I be swept up in the proletariat uprising? Will they consume my flesh to assume my power?
e) How big do you think alien dick is?
f) Would you suck alien dick if it meant you could go for a ride in a UFO?
g) Does that mean you'd suck some guy with an eyebrow piercing and big, white Globes for a ride in his Skyline?
h) You make me sick.

In response:

a) Yes, but also a pervert. That being said, the concept fascinates me and I want them to make a sequel which is all about inter-special prostitution.
b) I don't think the English Language has worked this one out yet
c) see a)
d) i) I think the director is concerned that his inter-special sex fetish is weird and so he is trying to normalise it. Little does he realise that Pam is way ahead of him.
ii) I think he is probably not a racist unless he is also a huge hypocrite, because it's one thing to hate Nigerians, but to hate Nigerians and be ok with fucking aliens? That's just sick, man.
iii) I totally agree. Peter Dunne is going to have a fucking field day with this one. On the upside, the heat will go off the gay community. They are going to be pissed.
iv) Yes to "Am I part of the bourgeoisie?" and "Will I be swept up in the proletariat uprising?" "Will they consume my flesh to assume my power?" is a 'probably not'. Also a 'what power, Zach?'
e) I think alien dick is roughly the size of alien vagina. What a coarse question.
f) Uhh...maybe? Guess this one ties back into the how big is alien dick issue.
g) Totally would. Shame you only have a Mini. If you'll excuse the pun.
h) Likewise.

Hey in other news I'm thinking about doing NaNoWriMo this year - if you are unsure of what this is, my impossibly coloured friend Andrea has saved me lots of time by writing a very interesting and informative post about it, which can be found here. Those of you who have been reading for a year will remember that last NaNo I was obsessed with merzombies.* This has not changed. LET'S ALL WRITE A FREAKIN' MERZOMBIE NOVEL, PEOPLE. WHO'S WITH ME?

*merpeople, but also zombies.


Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

I usually do NaNoWriMo but I've never made it past thirty thousand words. Last year I barely made 1000. Going to do it again though. Thanks for the answers too. Love Tiramisu.

Holly said...

Totally unrelated to this post, but I found this and thought you might appreciate it, especially the High Fashion Haiku section. :)

Especially big LOL at the clock hat!

Kaileigh said...

LOL @ the "train being most likely".

Loved reading these answers :)

otherworldlyone said...

I love Q&A for this exact reason.

I love the "is this seat taken" and bum grabbing. If I were drunk enough, that would totally work on me.

Me and Leez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Me and Leez said...

And I never get to tell people about it because it just worked so hilariously and fantastically and people think I am just showing off!
Right so; it all started one rainy evening in Dunedin.
(Possibly it wasn't rainy but I feel that the statistics here are totally on my side).

I read a book about running barefoot, decided it was an AWESOME idea, and went to Queenstown to run up Ben Lomond barefoot. In the snow. I broke my foot, BUT, then realised that hey, running might be amazing but Zumba is EVEN BETTER! So I became a zumba fanatic. For about two weeks I went to zumba every day, and omg, it is sweaty!

I don't know if you like exercise? I LOVE exercise, even faux-ho salsa exercise, but the clincher was the incredibly hot zumba instructor.
(She was actually in my undergrad spanish class too, and flatted with my friends, (Dunincest is rampant when you are a lesbian), so I didn't feel too weird blatantly perving on her for fifteen hours a week. Saying that, I have never felt weird being unashamedly sleazy. Is this an acceptable thing to admit? Hmmm.)

Sooo, rainy evening, lots of Speight's and some terrible terrible music (fireworks and aeroplanes and other celestial pseudo-metaphors and dear god WHY do they let people into recording studios without some sort of warrant of fitness), hot girl and alcohol came into conjunction in time-honoured new zild tradition, I mustered my courage (sculled my cask wine and pulled in my stomach) sidled up and asked;

"so, on a scale of one to sleeping with me, how drunk are you?"

and it WORKED!*

Woow my student loan is really going to good use right now.

*Almost worked. Her flatmate came in at ridiculously, am I in an awkward british comedy, the wrong moment and I had to hide under the bed then climb down the fire escape but PANTS WERE OFF! And I'm claiming that as a win.

**TRICURN! An historical cooking vessel used exclusively in Roman-ruled Britain. According to ancient custom, meat of the three animals representing the empire (rabbit, boar and stoat) were stewed for seven days in separated bronze compartments of the pot, before being combined by means of a pulley system into the central vesicle and eaten on the feat day of St Tuppavear, patron of cookwear and food storage. It never really caught on.